get outside

It's that time of year where we begin to hover between winter and spring over here in my corner. Some days the rain just falls and falls and the grey can really start to get to you. 

But then the sun will appear. 

But then you'll notice the crocuses about ready to bloom.

But then you'll notice the tulips are starting to push upward.

And suddenly that fierce belief that spring will return appears again.

I've learned though that the only way I can stay connected to that belief is by getting outside.

You have to do the practice.

You can't just talk about how you're getting back to your practice if you dive right into email first thing in the morning and don't stop multi-tasking until you fall asleep just after checking email one more time.

You have to do the practice.

You can't just write articles about why people should start practicing self-care and mindfulness.

You have to do the practice.

You can't wonder why you feel so full of all the stuff that swirls around you when you know the very remedy that would help you feel connected to all that you believe in.

You have to do the practice.

So I stood outside breathing in my own backyard as someone used a jackhammer down the street (yes, a jackhammer on a Monday) and the cars whizzed by on the highway in the distance and the hummingbird chirped down at me from the plum tree and Millie the wonder dog sniffed in circles and the cherry trees preened under the sun's warmth and I realized I hadn't yet brushed my teeth and I started counting all the shades of blue in the sky and then I started counting my own heartbeats...

and I pushed aside the lists and the changes to come and the dream that won't stop tapping me on the forehead and the emails I need to answer and the realization that if I don't get in the shower soon I'm going to be that mom at the Valentine's Craft Fair who works from home and sometimes doesn't remember to shower...

and I stood outside and took five deep breaths and then five more. Just being right here. Noticing. Creating space within. Letting it all just be for a few minutes. Uncovering that connection to all that is greater than me for just seconds at a time.

You have to do the practice.

Yes, honey, I'm talking to you.

trust

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what would happen?

In February of 2011, I was having a day that invited me to question my worthiness, my enoughness. I was feeling stuck in an old story of not being able to hear the kindness of others because my own self-doubt was so loud.

This contrast pushed me to give myself a pep talk of sorts. I turned on my microphone and recorded the words I would say to you if you were sitting across from me at my kitchen table needing an invitation to see that you are enough. The words became a love note to myself, to you, and when I came across the recording again this past weekend, I transcribed it (with a few little edits) and felt moved to share these words with you today (you can hear the original recording by clicking on "what would happen" at the end of this post):

As you sit in your corner today, what would happen if you just believed that your story matters?

What would happen if you just owned all the phrases that you say to others, the way you sign your emails to the ones you love, the way you encourage your friends with all of their pursuits in their life, what would happen if you owned that same belief that you have for your friends for yourself?

What would happen if you looked in the mirror and saw the beauty that others see when they look at you?

What would happen if you gave yourself permission to let hope bloom inside you?

What would happen if you listened to yourself when you experienced joy, if you listened to why, if you noticed why the joy comes up inside you when it does?

What would happen if you let go of wishing you were someone else and walked to the mirror and met for the first time the real you whose waiting inside you?

What would happen if you believed the kind things people say and write about you?

What would happen if you took the next compliment someone gives you and believed it?

What would happen if you quit looking at the phrase “I am enough” and thinking “oh yeah one day I’ll believe that” and instead just took it as part of your personal truth?

What would happen if you believed the phrase I am enough was part of your personal truth?

What would happen if you walked to the mirror right now and looked at yourself and saw the beauty that those who love you see?

What would happen if you walked to the mirror and let go of looking at the person reflected back at you and thinking “oh I wish her hair looked…if only she was…if only she was…” and instead of thinking if only she was, if you looked at the person reflected back at you and saw who she is?

What would happen if the next time the little girl inside you who loves to play with paint and paper or fabric or color or her camera or words, what would happen if you listened to her and let her play?

What would happen if you stopped trying to be that person that you aren’t and don’t want to be?

What would happen if instead you just were yourself?

What would happen if you walked across the room, down the hall, and found that mirror and looked at the person reflected back at you and chose love?

What would happen if you believed people when they paid you a compliment?

What would happen if you said, “you’re welcome” when someone said, “thank you” instead of saying, “oh it was no big deal”?

What would happen if you walked down the hall and looked in the mirror and chose to see love and chose to use love when you looked at the person reflected back at you?

What would happen if you spoke to yourself as softly and calmly as you speak to those you love? 

What would happen if you gave yourself the same space to just do the best you can that you give so many others?

What would happen if you walked down the hall and looked in the mirror and chose love when you looked at that reflection?

What would happen if you just believed that in this moment, in your corner, you are enough?

***

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What Would Happen

trusting my way to enoughness

Today, I'm in my studio as the rain falls on the roof as hammering words into lockets. The thoughts are tumbling a bit in the spaces between. I'm thinking about how so much of the work I do invites me to hold hands with trust.

When the fears and the not enoughness pushes through all the other thoughts, in those moments when I am so good at doubting and wondering if there is an audience for what I'm sharing or wondering why this happens and that doesn't and comparing and getting caught up in all that does not serve me, I'm trying to say to myself, "Come back home, to your wisdom, to what you deeply trust."

And then I find myself in that space where trust becomes grace becomes the magic of enoughness.

It isn't always easy to find that space. In fact, it often feels like trudging through a sticky mess. So this is why I think of it as a practice.

I practice creating that space when I take a deep breath before I pound "Stand in Your Light" into lockets. I practice creating that space each time I choose love over what should get done. I practice creating that space when I look in the mirror in the middle of the day and choose to deeply see all of who I am looking back at me.

I practice what trust, what grace, what enoughness might feel like and then I find myself again walking tall on the path that is home, that is me.

***

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there are things i want you to remember {8}

*****

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