on the last day of october...

a pocket library tote (part of a giveaway at the end of this post)

i must admit that the month of october blew by me. it just did. poof. suddenly gone.

i have been dipping into blog reading here and there and have really been inspired by all that you are saying. there is a "pulling it all up from the guts and looking at where i am in the world" going on out there. and i have read some words i really needed to read...and felt an invitation to stop keeping so much in and start sharing in this space in ways i used to, especially how i wrote when i first started blogging.

i have felt really overwhelmed about a few things lately and the lonelies have plopped down in the middle of the living room and won't leave me alone. but they are parked in the midst of so much clutter, literal and figurative clutter, and i have decided to finally tackle it. yep. i spent about five hours yesterday beginning to move the little room into the guest room (and from: the living room, the kitchen, the laundry room, and the family room). the little room will become the guest room. i can't wait. i want to just wrinkle my nose and have it done or at least just have the furniture swapped...or have one of you live near me and maybe you could just come over and help for a day. we could get so much done. i would take you out for dinner (sushi?) and you could even spend the night (the guest bed is really comfy) and then jon would make us breakfast. yes. that would be perfect. let's do that.

anyway, i have decided that i just might try to write in this space every single day in november. i'm not going to (at this point) sign up for anything as i don't think i can handle that guilt of not finishing (i am so very good at guilt)...but dar's posts have been pushing me lately...pushing me to let that writer back out of me. pushing me to realize that getting some of these stuck words and feelings out of me might just help me to get out of my head. and i so need to get out of my head.

i passed 700 posts a few posts back. and i really, really want to celebrate that. meant to do that at 600 posts and then at my three-year blog birthday last month. ahhh...this is the way it has been lately. anyway, i really want to celebrate with a thank you for all that you give me by stopping by and sharing yourself with me...and thank those of you with blogs who give pieces of yourself as you share your world...

the library pocket tote at the top of this post is a favorite of mine. i bought up all the yards i could find of that cursive writing blackboard fabric. it just makes me happy. and i use a bit of it every now and then. this giveaway will include that tote and then a few other of my favorite things like vintage buttons and other vintage bits.

so to enter this little giveaway that seems a bit hidden at the end of this post, please share something you are hoping for in this moment in your life.

i will start: i hope for change next tuesday.

a reflected reminder.

Continuing the reflection meditation practice.

Breathing in

Breathing out

Focusing just on me

This week, as I look in the mirror, I have been inviting in peace with each inhale. Then, I try to give the negative, nagging voices permission to quiet and settle inside this peace as I exhale.

And, I have been playing with jewelry…an idea born from a discovery of metal stamping letters in the garage at my in-law’s this summer that flowed into the desire to create daily reminders that would act as a talisman of sorts to wear around the neck…an invitation to quiet the mind in the midst of all that a day can bring.

This is a pendant I created this weekend.

It is a reminder to embrace my beauty.

When I look in the mirror, I read its words and pause just for a moment and remember. I pause to remember me.

I created it to be read when reflected in a mirror, so it is backward when you look at it straight on but forward when you most need to read it…when you are looking right at you.

A reflected reminder, a reflected invitation to embrace and own your beauty.

an invitation to see {self-portrait challenge}

Two years ago, my daily practice, for two months, was to look in the mirror for a few minutes everyday. I began this practice after reading an article by Elizabeth Gilbert in Yoga Journal (read more background about my previous experience with this meditation here and here).

A few weeks into this practice, I realized I had stopped just looking at me and instead had started seeing me. I began to see the beauty in the curves of my face and how my eyes sometimes seem to smile and the fullness of my lips. I began to see wisdom and truth. My internal self-talk began to soften.

For a few months, I have been thinking about starting this practice again. After a confusing couple of moments while on a trip this summer, moments that brought up that harsher self-talk, I found myself standing in front of a mirror and pausing.

I stood there and looked myself in the eye and felt myself begin to crumble a bit. I was honest with myself about the feelings that had surfaced and could feel that invitation to simply "lose it." In that moment, I took a deep breath, and looking eye to eye with me, I felt an invitation to seek some refuge within this meditation I had spent time with two years ago. So much emotion knocked inside me as I looked at myself, trying to see beauty. I didn't want to give into that internal pull to lose it, as I needed to exit the bathroom at some point in a manner that seemed pulled together. So I stood there watching the shadow of my earring that the light from the skylight was creating…I just watched the shadow on my face and how light seemed to dance around it. I took in that moment and found my breath.

The next day, I found myself standing in front of this mirror again, and I focused on the way my bangs brushed across my forehead. The day after that, I focused on the slight curve of my lips right before a full smile spread across my face. And on and on. For about three weeks now, I have spent a few minutes each day just looking at me…trying to see me again.

Earlier today, I stood eye to eye with me and felt that self-talk soften just a bit.

This reflection mediation has become my practice yet again.

I am trying to see me…to see more than what someone else might see when making assumptions or judgments…to see more than what I see when doing the same. I am looking at the shadows and the light and trying to give myself permission to crack open a bit more.

I am standing eye to eye with me and trying to let the shadows dance their way into the light and shine just a bit.

I am giving myself permission to see beauty.

I am giving myself permission to see me.

(read Elizabeth Gilbert's full article here)

*****

updated in 2011: Self-Portrait Challenge (SPC) was a website and community that encouraged people to take and share self-portraits. I loved this project! However, I am sad to report that it no longer has an active website, so I have removed links that appeared in the posts connected to my participation in this project.

a wish for today.

breakfast at cira's, south bend, indiana, 7.26.08

today, i wish that we could meet for breakfast. i could soak in all your wisdom and laughter and creative energy. i would learn more about me just by spending time with you over pancakes and summer berries and poached eggs and the best cup of coffee you have had a while. i would learn about you and your dreams and fears and hopes and beliefs and where you are on your journey.

today, i wish that we could meet for breakfast. you could share stories...pieces of the stories that make up your life and i could nod and just listen. i could just listen and honor the space that sits between us as you share you with me.

today, i wish that we could meet for breakfast. i could share the thoughts that have been crawling across my mind. i could put words to the feelings and trust that you would listen before judging. and you could trust that i would do the same.

today, i wish we could meet for breakfast. we would laugh and listen and eat and share and laugh some more. we would enjoy pancakes and bright red raspberries and blueberries and coffee and cool, fresh cream. we would share our stories.

and we would hold the space between us.

(thank you all for listening. for honoring my words by sharing your words. for holding that space a bit. thank you for inviting me to laugh out loud, to look at myself, to laugh at myself, to take a step back, to honor my honesty, to honor myself. simply put: you rock. peace and blessings to you all this sunday.)

postcard from indiana (8.1.08)

{front}
an ant's eye-level view of endless timer-sprinkled green suburban grass.

{back}

(often)
being quiet
being still
being present
and breathing
is the only answer.