morning break {self-portrait challenge}

when i took this picture yesterday, i planned to write about how i am taking a bit of time each morning to drink my tea and walk around the yard to see what is growing, what needs watering, how the hydrangea blooms are doing, and so on. just like my grandmother would do every morning. what she would try to get me to do wtih her when i would visit. it was really nice to do this yesterday. i felt close to her but i also took a minute to just breathe.

but, i didn't do it again today. i didn't walk around the yard with my tea to see what is growing. it didn't even cross my mind to do it.

my current feelings seem to be frazzled, stressed, overwhelmed, annoyed, hurt...the list goes on and on. and it seems that when i most feel this way, i lose sight of the things that would invite me to feel better. i forget i have my own toolbox of how to heal myself.

that is how it goes.
i just keep doing the best i can.
even when the best i can doesn't seem all that great.
i just keep going.
i just keep listening for the little whispers from something greater than me.
i just keep remembering how to love.

and i try again tomorrow.

****

updated in 2011: Self-Portrait Challenge (SPC) was a website that encouraged people to take and share self-portraits. I am sad to report that it no longer has an active website, so I have removed links that appeared in the posts connected to my participation in this project.

sleep, grow, bloom, repeat {self-portrait challenge}

the always turning cycle of the earth. the seasons. the great sleep and then the little sliver of green bursting through to grow until it blooms. then back to the beginning. repeat.

a rhythm. a belief in possibility. a commitment to letting go and living.

(see more photos about the elements at self-portrait challenge)

an earth mermaid {self-portrait challenge}

I am an earth person. I like the ground. I like to feel my feet on the earth. I live my life that way most of the time. My feet to the earth and my head grounded.

But, I often wish to be a mermaid, able to swim with the humpbacks and play with the sea otters. I want to float on my back with my hair splayed out around me like a crown. I want to dive into the depths of a lake and look for lost shoes and glasses. I wish that I could talk with the dolphins and ask sea stars questions. I want to peek my head up and take a breath and dive under the ocean once again. I want to giggle at snorkelers who wish they had fins like me. I dream of telling the clown fish about the movie they star in. I want to see a mother humpback nudge her baby up for air. I want to swim across one ocean until I reach another. I want to marvel at the colors of all the creatures I do not yet know.

But, I am an earth person.

I wish that I was not afraid of deep water and that I didn't try to inhale whenever my head goes under. I wish that instead of wanting to go kayaking in Puget Sound but knowing I never will, I would feel safe enough to paddle my way through the fear. I wish that I didn't have to usually say, "no you guys go ahead" when it comes to water activities. I wish that I did not feel odd wanting to wear a snorkel mask so that I could swim in deep water or at the ocean because I can swim I just can't go under water without trying to breathe if my nose isn't plugged. I wish to swim like a mermaid with only wonder and little fear.

For now, though, I guess I am an earth mermaid who lives with her feet on the ground but dreams of all that might be.

(see more interpretations of the elements at self-portrait challenge)

soaking in the joy {self-portrait challenge}

a brief break in the middle of the day to enjoy lunch outside. fruit and cheese and water with lime. reading a magazine. remembering the importance of taking time away from work and responsibility to just soak in summer. remembering to soak in the joy.

(and yes, i did buy two of those polka dot bowls because i knew they would match my new shoes.)

see more self-portrait takers in their environments here.

choosing the sun {self-portrait challenge}

on the banks of puget sound, june 19, 2007

on the days when misunderstandings threaten to roll in the clouds. on the days when the missing rocks my heart and her voice seems lost to me. on the days when the last thread of possibility begins to tear. on days when the aloneness feels like a friend. on the days when dreaming feels immature and silly. on days when the patterns long left behind suddenly appear as an option. on days when i feel forgotten and realize i have actually forgotten myself.

on these days, like a violet on a kitchen windowsill, i choose the sun.
i choose.
i choose.

(see more reactions to the challenge of environment at self-portrait challenge)