bringing in ritual: laughter {self-portrait challenge}

Throughout my 30 years, I have been poked, elbowed, pointed at, and told that I am too serious. In grade school, I remember hearing kids repeat jokes about the Challenger disaster and they were annoyed with me when I didn’t laugh; I went home and cried as I told my mom about them. When I was even younger, I can hear my parents telling people, “we think she was born 35.” Of course, I don’t even think they were 35 then. But, I agree that it was pretty true sometimes. My first words were a sentence in response to the question my mom asked me every day. “How are you doing Elizabeth?” She would usually then say, “Are you doing fine?” On that day, I guess I looked at her and said, “I’m doing fine, Mom.” Or something along those lines. I guess in a few years I will be catching up to myself.

Being told you are too serious, even by close friends, is something that can wear on a person. “Yes, I know” I want to say, “but I don’t know how else to be.” I have also realized that there were dynamics within my family that invited me to take on this role of being serious a lot of the time, of being “adult” when I was a child. But, I wouldn’t change any of it. Nope. I am growing into a person who really likes herself.

I am also someone who finds a lot of joy in my life. I like to smile. I have been accused of smiling too much. Which means, of course, that those people haven’t met the serious side of me who was born 35. In new situations, I often smile. If you find me smiling a lot but aren’t sure why, chances are I am slightly unsure of myself. Smiling makes people feel better, including me.

When I was ill at the end of last year, I told my friend Heather and my husband on several occasions that all I wanted to do was go to Disney World. I was having a lot of trouble finding the joy in my life. I honestly thought that if someone would just call and say, “you are leaving for The World tomorrow” everything would magically get better. The emotional drama I was experiencing, the health confusion, the fear, the anger…all of it. If I could just go to Disney World. To explain, I don’t mean I think Disney World takes it all away. (Never fear, I get the people who think the commercialism there is pretty crazy, not to mention the prices.) Nope. I mean I wanted to give my brain a rest. I wanted my senses to just get enveloped by the smell of chocolate chip cookies on Main Street USA, the music that fills the air, the sushi at the Matsu No Ma Lounge…and on and on. I just wanted a vacation from my life. But a vacation where I wouldn’t have time to think about it all. My friend Heather said something about how the reason I love Disney World so much is because someone else takes care of me there. The hotels, the people who work there…and I get to stand in line to hug a big monster named Sully (yep, you really get to hug him there – it is the best!). I get to giggle with glee like I did when I suddenly found myself surrounded by Chip, Dale, and Goofy at the MGM Studios. I get to peer with eyes of wonder at the landscape of France in the 360-degree movie at Epcot. I get to have high tea at the Grand Floridian Hotel. I get to see giraffes right outside my hotel room when I stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. I don’t have to drive; I just take a bus or the monorail. The soap has Mickey Mouse on it. I am given a break from all that thinking, from the lessons that need to be learned, from the many serious thoughts that invade my space all the time.

But in this desire to escape from the lessons, I find another lesson. What is it that I love? I love the laughter. I get to feel like a kid. That is why I love Disney World. I get to be an 8 year old. Finally.

So this year, I know I probably won’t make it to Disney World, but I plan to invite more laughter into my life. I want to read books filled with humor and watch funny movies. I want to sit with friends and tell funny stories. I want to go and hear comedians. I want to laugh until my cheeks hurt. I want to laugh until I cry.

I extend the invitation to bring laughter into my life.

Here I am giggling with Chip, Dale, and Goofy...

visit more people who are taking self-portraits at self-portrait challenge.

bringing in ritual: gratitude {self-portrait challenge}

the ritual of pausing to spend a moment alone drinking tea, pausing to think about ways in which i am grateful.

this year, i am making it part of my day to spend time thinking about what brings happiness, excitement, joy, laughter, calm, truth, color, peace, light into my life. what makes up this life i lead. what resonates deeply and what just brings a little sparkle.

each day i am pausing to have a moment alone, usually with a cup of tea, and then i am capturing that moment with a polaroid. i then write a little paragraph about this moment in a journal, followed by a list of things i am grateful for that day. if this moment alone is earlier in the day, i add to the list before i go to sleep.

i am collecting these snippets, the polaroids and my words, over on my not-so-secret blog called seek gratitude.

i have always thought of myself as someone who is always just a tad bit lonely and often just a wee bit melancholy. pausing to really notice the good stuff, this is one way to shift this perception of myself a bit. to really see what this life i lead is truly filled with.

the good stuff.

(see more self portraits over at self-portrait challenge)

bringing in ritual: sitting at the table {self-portrait challenge}

This month, I am thinking about the ways I can bring ritual into my life more. Instead of new year’s resolutions, I am honoring the idea that ritual is important to me and inviting it into my life with awareness.

To turn off the day, the rest of the world, and just sit together and eat and talk and share. This is the hope I have for my husband and me. We have spiraled into the habit of sitting in front of the television and eating. When this happens, we don’t talk with one another…about our day…about our dreams…about our relationship. We don’t check in with each other. We just turn off the world by turning on the television. And yes, sometimes, to eat a pizza and watch a movie together on a Friday night is exactly what you need. But, to make dinner, set the table, light candles, pour wine, and sit down together…this is connection. To just move everything to the side and put down a plate and a glass of water and sit across from one another…this is connection.

Tonight, as we sat together, I shared pieces of myself he didn’t know. I shared excitement about a conversation and some things I discovered as I reflected on that conversation. I spoke about some realizations and some memories. And he listened. We were both thankful for this time to just get to know one another more. It felt like exactly what we should be doing. No distractions. Just us.

I want to do this with the meals I eat alone as well. I work from home, so I usually eat breakfast and lunch hunched over my laptop as I work. This means I often don’t eat what is good for me or what my body wants, but I instead eat what is easy and accessible. Last week, I tried to listen to what my body needed for lunch, but I still ate over my computer. I noticed a shift in energy, in a good way, when I filled my body with good stuff. This week, I am going to try to eat at the table, taking a break from my work.

Sitting at the table. Noticing taste, texture, smells, colors. Paying attention. Being present to this necessary task. Being open to connection with another or connection with myself. Inviting awareness in once again. Inviting in the ritual of sitting at the table and eating.

see more self-portraits at self-portrait challenge

bringing ritual in: intention {self-portrait challenge}

I must admit, I am not one for new year’s resolutions because I invite guilt into my life enough without them (and the inevitability of me not following through with them). However, I do appreciate the idea of pausing as the calendar turns to a new year and thinking about what you hope to bring into your life. This month, I am going to focus on one aspect of myself that I realized in the latter months of 2006; I am a person who believes that ritual can shape the journey in a way that brings meaning and new layers of understanding. In 2007, I hope to invite more ritual into my life. To look for ways to add shape and meaning to the sometimes scattered life I lead. As I thought about SPC, I decided my focus will be this very thing, ways that I plan to bring ritual into my life.

In late December, I created an altar, a space that represents the spiritual side of my journey. I used to have an altar in my little room in our house, but there was never a good place for it; it was always tucked under things or too close to Millie’s level. And, I admit that I felt this need to hide it for some reason in the fear that people who came over, or my family when they visited, would not understand. I have little talismans that represent various ideas, memories, beliefs, hopes, and so on. I imagine that some days I will add certain things, like pictures or flowers or offerings, and other days I will take certain things away. It is a fluid altar in this sense.

The altar is in our family room now; the place where we spend the most time and the place I often work from throughout my day. Inspired by Carla’s candles that she creates and names with intention, I have started a new ritual of placing a candle on this altar and lighting it with intention. Sometimes I will focus on someone else, maybe knowing a person needs peace or a special awareness. Sometimes my focus will be inward, as it is today. Sometimes my husband and I will create an intention together, as we did last week when we focused on the power of two and sent healing out into the world.

Lighting a candle with intention is something that is done in many religions. Candles are often used to represent a higher power or the four elements. Lighting candles is also a way to bring in a spiritual practice without a need for the following of a specific religion. This practice can be used to begin meditation; then the candle is extinguished when the meditation draws to a close. The act of extinguishing the candle should be part of the ritual. My teacher once gently told me this has two reasons: The first being that it signifies the end to the practice and the second to remember to extinguish the candle as to avoid burning down the house. As I have mentioned here before, whenever I extinguish a candle, I send a blessing out into the world. It adds another layer of meaning to the practice.

As I was thinking about candles this weekend, I came across Marilyn’s post about two high school girls who set up 10,000 candles in a downtown park. To soak up this inspiration, read her post.

Also, if this idea of lighting a candle with intention speaks to you but your life is such that you cannot light a candle every day or you want to start your work day with an intention but don’t have the luxury of working from home like I do, visit this web site. It leads you through a practice where you can light a virtual candle.

(See more self-portraits at Self-Portrait Challenge.)

updated 1/3: A few of you have asked, so I added the link to Carla's candle site, Zena Moon. She is running a couple of specials through tomorrow, you might want to check them out.

make mine red {self-portrait challenge}

back in the fall i saw bono on oprah and ordered my (red) shoes from converse. i even got to design them myself (you to can do the same thing - just go right on over to their website and support the red campaign).

to learn more about the campaign and supporting the global fund, check out these sites:

the global fund
(blog) red
(product) red

(and see more interpretations of the red theme at self-portrait challenge)