a post where i ramble a bit

breakfast for dinner, dinner for one. 3 november 2007.

it seems a bit serendipitous to be somewhat unexpectedly spending this evening alone.

i made myself breakfast for dinner and ate it on our wedding china and drank apple juice from one of our wedding goblets. making this dinner and "plating it" felt like a sacred moment of alone time. (a sacred sunday moment on a saturday.)

then, i settled in for a dvr'd episode of this guilty, campy pleasure (i did say campy, but could have just as easily said eye candy-filled).

it is that darn song at the beginning of this show though that sticks with me always, for hours. it is a fun song really that plays on repeat in my head. but tonight, i listened to the lyrics a bit differently as i realized that elvis is singing a version of my mantra of late:

a little less conversation, a little more action.

yes, yes, yes to this. i spend a lot of time in my head. and, i spend a lot of time thinking about the word "begin." i have spent a lot of time talking about the importance of beginning, but i have realized that my beginning seems a lot like thinking and talking and not a lot like action.

last year, i thought i was beginning something. but instead, i ended up spending a lot of time thinking instead of doing. and, i was sick for a bit, and life well, let's just say that last november life turned upside down for a bit.

and i have spent most of the last twelve months, not every moment, but a lot of moments in my head, twirling in circles a bit for various reasons because of several different things that have happened in the last year.

at some point in 2006, i had this realization that the grief i was experiencing over my grandmother's death had become a new beginning of sorts. a rebirth of the little unafraid, creative, fearless girl inside me. i began to think of myself a bit like a phoenix. and i often turned to deb talan's lyrics, as i have mentioned in this space many times, because it was as though that was my song. but, i always paused at the rest of the line that often quote:

Dry your wings in the sun
You have only begun to understand
When it's time to move on there is no one
To hold your hand.

i guess i have always felt a bit annoyed that she is saying that there is no one there. because, i always thought there was supposed to be someone there.

tonight, after i watched a little tv, i spent time creating a new design i have been thinking about for a while. i pieced bits of fabric together for a long time, listening to my ipod on shuffle. i paused a bit when cass fox started singing "army of one." something about the repetition of "you gotta feel it, you gotta want it, you gotta own it" along with this image of being an army of one...something about it made me stop. and think.

the idea that we must realize we are our own army of one. the idea that after you have been "reborn" as the phoenix is, just after, when your wings are drying and you are remembering to breathe, this is a time for sacred alone-ness.

i have been missing this point a bit. or at least i spent time this past year forgetting what i already know to be true.

long ago, i recognized that i am one of those people who feels lonely at times. and, i have learned that this is a lot more common than i once thought. still, i have sometimes mistaken the letting go of things, whatever those things might be, as loneliness. but, now i realize that maybe i have instead been given opportunities to spend time in this sacred alone-ness.

and, of course, part of the beauty of all of this occurs when you suddenly realize, after you pull yourself out of it (whatever it is for you), that you are not alone. not even a little bit.

this is where i am. i am inviting myself to stop the thinking and swirling of unhealthy repetition. i am inviting myself to realize that the stopping itself is action. i am inviting myself to realize that the more i worry or assume, the less i am moving forward. i am inviting myself to realize that it is okay to spend time in the thought, as this is who i am, but that moving forward is indeed the plan. i am inviting myself to realize that i am not alone. i am inviting myself to realize the power in being alone. i am inviting myself to let go and begin.

a little less conversation, a little more action.
(thanks elvis.)

sacred sunday: afternoon rhythm

press, measure, pin, repeat.

this is the rhythm of sewing + creating. this is the rhythm of my sunday afternoon.

and while pressing, measuring, pinning (repeating), i listened to and sang along with mandy moore.

yes, mandy moore.

a classmate from high school thought i might enjoy her new album. (thank you.) i downloaded it a few weeks ago, but today, i really lost myself in the songs. i paid attention and found connection.

it is a really good "indie folk" album.

really good.

she wrote some of the songs with the weepies. yes, the weepies.

the album is called "wild hope."

a soundtrack for a sacred sunday afternoon.

tea, toast with jam, and some virtual window shopping

tonight, i made myself some tazo passion tea (it is purple...love that) and a wee bit of toast with jam, a french movie in the background, and sat down to a little virtual window shopping. this time of taking a break from working or well doing much of anything really while jonny grades not far from me and millie sighs with contentment, it is a time i am trying to give myself a bit more often. stopping the doing and just enjoying a little something for me...

my sacred life.

*******

and here are just a few of the things that caught my eye while glancing at several shops (and i just had to put them in categories...you all know i have been doing a lot of organizing lately):

{dreaming of brisk fall days}

this wicked cool orange cap by linda

the tumbleweed trail lariat and the blossom capelet from fringe's shop

the little green apples scarflette and the eden crochet beanie from boutique pink designs

{jewels for the neck}

this necklace by karibeth

this maple tree necklace and this gorgeous necklace from the silent goddess

{made from vintage fabric}

an apron
a bracelet
a cuff (check out this artist's blog...creating things from thrifted and found items - fantastic stuff!)

{little guys to hug}

and how about some gorgeous stuffies like these and this adorable owl...oh and every. last. darn. creature. in. tiny warbler's shop.

remember

One of my favorite artists is Brian Andreas (if you do not know his work, stop reading and head over to www.storypeople.com and explore; right now). His words, his poetry, his stories, are a gift to me in their simple, deep truths. We have several of his prints and a few sculptures in our art collection. Pausing to read his stories that adorn our walls is part of my sacred life.

Early on when we were dating, Jon and I visited a shop that had Andreas' work and I was able to introduce Jon to a favorite past time: looking through all the prints to discover which one resonates deeply on that day. The story that day was "Real Reason," and days later Jon drove 90 minutes back to that shop in Valparaiso, Indiana to buy it for me as a "two-month dating" anniversary present.

A few months later, weeks before we became engaged, we had the opportunity to meet Brian Andreas at a signing and we bought the sculpture of "Real Reason." As we handed it to him to sign, he said, "who do I make it out to" and without asking each other, together Jon and I said, "Liz and Jon." He looked at us and said something like, "that's a big commitment;" in a way, it kind of felt like we got engaged in that moment.

Of course, the truth is that my Storypeople collection began years before I met Jon. I wrote about my first introduction to them here. I remember reading the stories aloud in the car with my mom and coming to "Fog People" and pausing and reading it again and again. I love that story and my mom gave the sculpture to me as a college graduation present. I wouldn't say that I think of it as a test when I show people the sculpture, but I always giggle a bit when people say, "but I don't get it." Another favorite print that hangs alone in our hallway so that you pause to read it is "Crayon Pirate." The simple wise truth of a child's world – that is what that story says to me.

Last week, I spent some time clicking around the stories at the website and the two stories that speak so deeply to me in this moment of my life are "Whales" and "More Fair." I hope to one day add those stories to my collection.

When the events of September 11, 2001 happened, I found myself, like so many others, trying to find something to help me wrap my brain around what had happened and the grief and helplessness. Sitting in my office one evening a week or so after the eleventh, I turned to the Storypeople website, seeking the wise words of Brian Andreas, and found that he had written a story to commemorate 9/11. The story is "Awakening." At the time, Storypeople was selling the story as a poster with the proceeds going to raise money for the people affected on that day. I bought ten planning to share them with others. And after framing one for myself and giving a few away, I did what I do best, I put them someplace and forgot.

As we have been organizing and cleaning and all that stuff over the last few weeks, I came across my carefully rolled up posters of "Awakening."

I am wondering if any of you reading this might want one. I have five and would be happy to mail one to you. Please just send me an email at waywardtulip at gmail dot com and let me know. UPDATED: The posters have all been claimed. Thank you...

Many blessings to all on this day,
Liz

conversation and quiet

september 6, on the phone with my dearest friend

september 7, a quiet hour before bed

time spent on the phone with friends who share their joys and struggles and truth and then also listen...these long conversations fill me up. yesterday, i had a talk like this with a dear friend. i first brought her up to date on some things in my life. as we talked, i took millie outside and stood talking while millie zoomed around in the yard chasing squirrels and imaginery creatures. i knew that this moment, of someone deeply listening, was something i wanted to capture as my sacred life photo of the day. and as i took the picture, the conversation shifted, as it should, and my friend began to share a lesson she is trying to unwrap; one of those lessons that seems to simply repeat for her without kindly skipping a year or two. and i listened. and i talked. and she talked. and it felt like we didn't solve it. and we like to solve things. in fact, i think we could open up a friendship shop of sorts where we solve things for people. but, we both know that this is friendship too. the not solving. the sitting in the quiet in a conversation, even one over the phone, when you realize it can't be solved. it is what it is. it is life.

tonight, after a really nice evening out with jonny that included a trip to borders, i sit in the quiet of our (newly reorganized) living room with my cup of tea, new magazines, and some twine and clothespins. don't you just love this twine? i remember seeing it in issues of martha stewart living back when i was in college and wishing i knew where to get some to use to tie my christmas gifts. you can now buy some at michaels in martha's new craft line. or, you can come to artfiberfest and get several yards from me as a trade. you might notice that i have, ahem, more than i need on that spool to the left. i use it to wrap my orders from my shop. i am happy to share. i am wrapping it on those clothes pins as a trade and will attach a little card with my info.

(and by little card i mean the wicked cool business card heather designed for me! i have been wanting to show you all for weeks, but the box that holds the card was, of course, put in another box in this great cleanup decluttering we are going through. i haven't uncovered that box yet. i will. and then i will share. cause you guys are gonna want her to design you a card too.)