Entries in december views (38)
on this eve {december views}
sending you the hope of peace and the blessings of possibility on this eve of a new year...
december views december 30 {december views}
still feeling content.
feeling happy (after spending time talking and brainstorming and dreaming with a dear friend).
feeling hopeful.
feeling quiet again tonight.
and finally feeling so much better after three and a half weeks of illness.
thank you all for your kind words on my post about suddenly missing my grandmother in the frozen food aisle. reading your words was one of my favorite gifts this season. you reminded me that i am not alone. i hope you remember that you are not alone either.
sending blessings to you.
december views content {december views}
not much documenting these last few days...mostly just being and doing lots of this instead:
board games for two
watching movies
resting
bickering
napping
taking care of each other
using the new panini maker
wearing christmas eve pajamas all day
sitting by the fire
crocheting
watching the snow fall
reading
laughing
sitting in the quiet
listening to christmas music for hours (and still not getting to the end of the christmas music playlist on my ipod)
napping
dreaming
brainstorming a wondrous new idea together
watching another movie
bickering again
laughing with each other
being thankful
missing family
being happy for the quiet (after venturing out the day after christmas and finding ourselves surrounded by some not so quiet children)
taking our time opening presents and just being in the moment
remembering
sleeping in
going out to dinner
watching the snow all melt away
staying up way too late
toasting "to us"
hope things are beautiful and full of life in your corner of the world...
december views, this is us on this winter's night {december views}
we are expecting another snow storm, so we headed out for provisions today. and in the frozen food aisle, this woman who appeared to be in her eighties walked up to me with two half gallons of ice cream and said, "can you help me?" i nodded. relief on her face,"is one of these vanilla? i don't have my glasses." "this one," i said, pointing to the one in her left hand. "thank you so much," she said as she turned toward her cart.
and suddenly i found myself doing that pull inward, that pull that you do with your face and your heart and your gut to keep from bursting into tears.
it was unexpected and odd and a bit silly i suppose.
but this is grief.
standing in the frozen food section, the sucker punch that is grief brought me almost to my knees.
for just a second.
as jonny stood saying, "which kind of pizza did you want?"
and i stood just looking at the cart as though in a daze.
after a few seconds of borderline annoyance (the store was the busiest i have experienced in a long time...there wasn't really space for hanging out in front of the frozen pizzas in bewilderment), he walked around to me and the pizzas and said, "are you okay?"
i waved my arm in that "i am fine...move on" sort of way.
but when he stood next to me, i leaned in for support.
"do you miss your grandma?"
nodding, the tears began.
and we chose the california pizza kitchen pizza margherita thin crust.
breathe.
keep going.
breathe.
one foot, then the other.
tonight, i took out a favorite picture that used to be out all the time, placed it on my altar, lit a candle, and remembered what love is.
i remember.
this song, this very beautiful melancholy song by joni mitchell is sitting inside my heart tonight.
i also love this version by sarah mclachlin (i listen to it all the time...her album wintersong is my favorite favorite christmas album)
and tonight i found this version by james taylor
and this pretty freaking fantastic version by corrine bailey rae
and this bluesier newer version from miss joni
sending blessings and peace to you this evening...