december 1
while she napped, i put up the little christmas tree that had been waiting in the garage since jon put it in there sometime in late january. it was waiting wrapped in a plastic bag with lights and ornaments still on. and i stared at that little tree that we put up last year around december 20 when i was deep in survival mode and unable to really find any holiday spirit. it is a great little tree. jon has had it for years.
but i stood there and said aloud, "i deserve more christmas than this."
and that is how we found ourselves walking through the trees as the sun began to dip low. ellie giggling as she touched each type of tree and then splashing in puddles as she wandered.
i always think i will be quick to choose one, but it always takes me so much longer.
i love all of them. they smell so good. and they are just waiting for someone to take them home.
with the chill in the air and the christmas music playing ("zat you santa clause?"), i felt so at ease and like me. just like i felt the night before thanksgiving while i was cooking (like from scratch cooking) for the first time in months while ellie and jon read and music played. feeling like i have maybe been waiting my whole life for this.
and i think perhaps the only way to stay close to that feeling of ease (of love) is to take care of myself in the midst of it all. like deciding to get a little tree and buying some lights instead of spending six hours in the garage trying to find the lights we used four years ago.
and deciding to get in the picture by just propping the camera right on the hood of the car and using the timer.
self-care gently pushes me to stay more open to love and light.
*****
thank you for the orders during yesterday's shop sale. my heart is gently holding so many beautiful stories shared as customers placed orders and let me know why their chosen soul mantra was important to them or who they were giving the necklaces to as gifts. so many beautiful stories.
the truth is that life is so hard and so so beautiful. this fall has held some unexpected challenges over here. there has been beauty and there has been stress. this is living. and sometimes it feels like its harder than it should be. but we find our way all the same. and each day i have a choice. so i choose beauty and love and joy whenever i can.
december 2011 in the moments.
Reader Comments (10)
Oh Liz, what a special picture of your daughter walking with purpose though the line up of Christmas trees. I am glad you are ready for more Christmas this year :) And your motto of 'I choose beauty and love and joy" is such a powerful one, you are right, sometimes we have to make the choices to keep going .
Lots of love,Milena
This is so beautiful-- thank you!
I love that last paragraph, but maybe more I love that I am able to read it and agree. I have found the beauty (mostly) even when life seemed harder than it should, but sometimes I had a hard time hearing about others' joy and beauty because I was tied to much to what was hard for me.
I will put up a Christmas tree this year (likely this weekend) for the first time since 2006. I'll do it because my daughters deserve more Christmas than the tabletop tree, which is all I've managed over the intervening years. I'm excited that I finally feel like I do that this December (a month so full of the hard and the beauty).
good for you! Decemebr has always been the month that I feel most like me. There is so much to be joyful about.
love this Liz, we so often forget those self care moments.. much love to you and yours
Karen
in love with this post. xxoxo
i've been off my laptop for a few days & it's nice to catch up & see all your great posts. ellie is growing up so fast- what a cutie pie-- love the pink sweater! :) i find that this time of year brings both happiness & stress (and sadness too) i don't think anyone is immune to it. the shop items look great! xo
Wishing you joy this December, Liz. Ellie running through the Christmas trees is a sight to bring joy to all of us. xxx
"each day i have a choice"
i needed that reminder.
i think i will put it on a sticky note
{or on a dozen and scatter them around the house}
write it on my hand in permanent ink...
tattoo it...
use it as a mantra.
thank you.
Choose beauty, choose love - that is a great way to live.