reframing and some (really) good things
i have noticed that several folks out there have started posting their "five really good things" every week. (in fact, i decided to google it and found that there are a handful of bloggers i don't even know who probably don't know me who are sharing theirs). and, it seems that miss geek girl is posting them on wednesdays as she blogs every single day of this month (you bloggers doing that are inspiring me each day this month). how i love reading everyone's lists. and it is so fun how one little post can start an idea. and how people suddenly are posting and have no idea where it all began yet they are spending time in the goodness of their lives. it is beautiful. in fact, it is a really good thing.
lately, i have been spending time thinking about the idea of reframing. how we can be faced with something not so great for whatever reason and that the moment all depends on how we choose to look at it and react. we make these choices daily.
i believe that how we react to the world around us and the people in this world and the "stuff" that happens "to" us is one of the few things we can control. it is pretty powerful to realize that you can change how you walk in this life and to realize that really you are the only one who can. i know i am preaching to the choir here, but i also believe that this is something we so often forget. we are quick to blame others or we do not want to think something can change or we blame ourselves and spend time in place instead of in action and on and on.
last week, when i wrote my second "five really good things" post, i had had a really super crappy day. a day that was filled with some unexpected (yet expected) stuff that unexpectedly brought up some shit from my childhood. some shit that involved shame and guilt and feeling forgotten. you know, the good stuff that can really turn a day upside down*.
and, i wanted to write something on my blog that night, though i couldn't think of anything i wanted to share, so i decided to write a "good things" list...and then i reread my list after i posted it and found myself taking a deep breath and letting it out with a loud, audible sigh. then, i went to bed.
and when i woke up, things had shifted. just a bit. i had reframed the day. just a bit.
on thursday, the stuff came up again after a phone call. i called a friend and ugly cried over the phone. that really ugly snot crying. and then i calmed down for about two hours and then i took a shower and did it all over again. while in the shower though, i started thinking about how i could reframe this. a friend had emailed me on tuesday that since this was something i was going to be dealing with for a bit, i needed to figure out a way to not let it become this big each time.
so as i stood in the shower with my forehead against the wall, i started thinking about the little girl and what she would have needed in the moments that were coming up for me. i thought about writing her a letter, but then i realized that i didn't know how to tell her that it would be okay. it felt empty to try to do this. but as i thought about how she might look at me if i were to walk back into time, she might wonder who was going to help her, and i thought i couldn't. but i realize that i am. the choices i am making now, from the ones related to this experience to the ones i am making each day, i am helping that little girl because, of course, that little girl is indeed me.
this realization did bring a down on the knees crying in the shower moment, but it also brought the beginning of a shift. a reframing. i am rescuing myself.
and in realizing this, things shifted just a bit more.
no matter how big or small these needs are, it is, well, it is huge to realize that you are reframing things to honor you are helping yourself. you are healing yourself. you are LIVING in your life. huge.
so, i do think that taking time to think about the really good things is one necessary way, for me, to recognize the goodness - whether i need to reframe things or not on any given day, in any given moment.
five really good things. november 14.
1) millie and her new bed. stuffies are her favorite toys, and when we found this bed at ikea, we knew she had to have it as it is like one big stuffie. she is a nester. and when she sighs right before she goes to sleep, as she did several times today, well, my heart expands just a bit.
2) wearing hand/arm/wrist warmers. i tend to get cold, and they are the perfect thing to wear while editing, blogging, sewing, writing, taking pictures outside...well, they are perfect for all that i do i guess.
3) stopping everything for a moment this evening to listen to the rain drop onto the roof.
4) drinking an apple izze.
5) having my own "it's after 11 and the house is quiet" dance/lip syncing party to marc broussard's song "home" with my ipod tucked into my pocket.
what are your five really good things? put words to them. i dare you. do it. right now.
*and the truth is, i wouldn't be me without a disclaimer. i know it sounds like i might be talking about some deep dark secrets in this post. but the truth is, what happened last week wasn't about secrets. shame can come from a lot of experiences...and although this one might not seem big to some, it was really, really big to me. and i guess i never looked at it. funny how life hands you the chance to do just that twenty years later. and i feel really blessed that i sobbed my way through it and found my breath again and feel stronger than i have in a year.
five (really) good things
Reader Comments (16)
must be in the air...
cause...
well.. me too... reframing my day away. I might even call it my new hobby!
and hey, thanks for the link..you made me blush and that's one(of five) really good things.
It's far too early in the morning to actually absorb wisdom, so I'm coming back tonight to re-read this. A few sentences jumped out and made me pay attention.
I like your five good things...I'll pay closer attention to my five good things today.
Beautiful post. I had a similar reframing moment about the little girl that was me a while back, and everything's been a little different since. Better. Best to you. :)
Thank you for being so inspiring!
just wanted to tell you that i am grateful for your sharing of your journey....i find strength, wisdom, sameness, compassion, and much more to strengthen my own journey, supporting growth and change, thank you
I'm glad you explained about the shame thing. Some of the biggest deals to our former selves look like nothing on the outside, but were lifeshaping events all the same. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and your ugly crying, you described it so well.
as i said in my recent email to you,
i just can't help but be
inspired by you,
and i hope that you don't mind,
:)
and i love your lists,
i really really do...
reading your words is always part
of my 5 really good things,
every day.
hearts...
:)
i read this and i started tearing up because i have been crying a lot the past couple days, i don't know why but i'm really emotional right now ... and you detailed the reframing so well, i have been doing that i think, you have given me something to hold on to here ~ thank you for your honest beauty.
my five things, see my lips curled up in a smile as i typed that ..
the soy chai latte that i am currently indulging in; my new glasses (i have glasses!!) which makes reading so much easier plus they're really funky; my kung fu class tonight which always makes me feel better .. um ... after its over, lol; the smell of orange peel on my fingers; the fact that i am going for lunch in about 5 minutes and i'm going to have veggie sushi yummers!!
much love, xox
thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom on this topic. it's something we can all use. i am grateful for your stories and your transparency. it adds a richness to life that is hard to explain, but that ultimately goes straight to the heart - and connects us all in a raw truth kind of way.
you are a treasure, dear liz, and i honor where you are and the struggles you are working through. i often wish we could visit together in person again to continue exploring our friendship. it was great to have that personal meeting, though, because now when i read your blog i feel an extra-special connection.
with hugs and Kleenex and warm, warm tea...
Lisa
Listing what I call "our gratefulnesses" is a wonderful and healing spiritual and psychological practice. Reframing is also such a powerful tool. In A Course in Miiracles they refer to it as "Choose again."
Hope you are feeling better and more up. I can tell your doggie sure likes his/her Ikea bed.
A good cry does us all good, and "reframing" does wonders for allowing us to move on and enjoy life.
Thank you for such a beautiful post! And for inspiring me in one of my favorite past-times: counting my blessings.
:-)
Five things I'm grateful for are the fact that I'm clocking out early (only 30mins to go- yay!) so that I can spend the evening with my daughter curled up on the couch watching Ugly Betty; my black Irish Tea that is keeping my company while I blogsurf (yes, on company time, bad girl! hee,hee); My new Reggaeton CD to keep me company on the drive home; finishing the scarf I'm crocheting when everyone goes to bed; and reading your beautiful words...
:-)
(((HUGS))),
Me
Thank you. I've got my list started.
I am reframing too love-and it is all these beautiful things you write.
By the way-damn your a good writer-amazing in fact.
And I need some of those finger warmers-bad. Any suggestions-open to all except to knit them myself:)
XOXOXO
Seeing as how we already discussed this on the phone..he he...I will only be repeating myself...but this post was good on so many levels and I am glad that you wrote it for many reasons.
And I am grateful that you are now in my life, as it enrich it every day.
love to you.xoxoxo
It's such a tricky balance, I think! Honoring what needs to be honored (emotions, passages, losses, pain) without wallowing. I really like the word reframing! I'm a BIG fan of gratitude lists like your 5 Really Good Things lists -- writing them always consoles me, makes me feel better. I also need to be mindful not to deny what needs to be felt, expressed and tenderly held within myself. It sounds like you're holding some tenderness within you, dear Liz, and as always you express yourself with such grace and self-compassion! Thank you for all you share.
i think we're learning some similar lessons these days...it's good to share this journey with you...