november 17.

backyard maple, november 2008

tonight, i am feeling so toasty warm after a hot, hot shower and am nestled in my flannel pajamas, my hair wrapped in one of our new seaglass green towels. the air is tinged with the pleasant cloud of patchouli incense and millie has curled up near me after hearing the sounds of jonny getting ready for bed and realizing it is that time in the evening where she and i stay up a bit later. i am feeling just a slight wish for snow this evening, though it seldom falls here. i wish that we might wake up tomorrow to six inches and a snow day and time to just be together. though, at the same time, i am enjoying each shade of autumn that i see during the day outside my window. having only one car right now means i am taking jonny to school and getting out of the house during the early morning when the fog is still heavy and the sun is trying to smile. it is nice to get out of the house as i spend so much of it here, in this spot on this purple couch where i edit and blog and read and sew and how the list goes on. yes, it is nice to get out and see the reds and yellows and bits of green as they puddle onto the ground beneath wise oaks and standing tall maples amidst all those ever, ever green trees.

live it baby girl

in jen's kitchen, 11.9.08

sometimes you have that moment...
someone holds up a mirror
and you see you
with an open heart
you see yourself
with your heart wide open
and you own it
you
you own it
who you are
who you want to be
the path behind you
and the possibility
that simply sits before you
(it. is. there.)

this
this is a gift

see it

and live

november 2

i crave...

a little cottage on the ocean where i could spend my days creating and writing and working and playing with the windows wide open to the sound of the push and pull of water and sand and time.

an evening spent with my head on jon's chest as we talk about our wildest dreams for our future and i listen to his heart beat with each rise and fall of breath.

sitting at a kitchen table on gerow avenue with the smell of sausage and the taste of cranberry juice and the feel of the brown faceted heavy juice glass and the sight of the jelly jar filled with violets and the sound of her voice as she talks to herself at the stove.

a conversation with my brother where we really listen to one another and show up as our true selves instead of showing up as the roles we think we are supposed to play because of the path behind us.

blueberry pancakes and fresh orange juice and the sunday paper spread across the kitchen table as i sit cross-legged and just take in a day with nothing else to do.

being surrounded by laughter until my sides and the muscles in my face hurt and just for a moment i am convinced that all must be right in the world.

feeling at peace in my own home instead of feeling like i am drowning in my created mess.

stepping off a plane in paris and setting off just like natasha to explore and eat and drink and dream and take in every drop before being so very glad to get home.

an afternoon with my mother, just the two of us, with no phone calls answered or email that need to be checked or people that need us to solve something...just the two of us.

(this prompt is from sabrina ward harrison's book the true and the questions. michelle mentioned it recently, which prompted me to take it out again.)

one little (huge. power-full. sacred.) word

(new soul mantra pendant in the shop)

it is a powerful exercise, thinking about what you might want to say yes to in your life.

many years ago, sark introduced me to the juicy-ness of the word yes.

in my college apartment, i had big sheets of white paper on the wall behind my bed. i remember deciding to put that paper up after reading one of sark's earlier books.* and inspired by her, i wrote yes in crayon on that wall and looked at it every day. i remember feeling like if i just said yes to one thing just for me each day, life was going to be okay.

i hadn't thought about that in a long time...about that wall i would write on and how i would hold onto that word. and then sometime this year, i started noticing maddie's sunday posts were all about how she was saying yes in her life.

and i remembered the wide, real power of this simple, petite word.

inspired by maddie and sark, i am bringing this word back into my life.

and tonight, i am
saying
yes
to

living this life with a wide heart
inviting in peace
letting go just a bit more
orange polka-dotted knee socks
cooking dinner
staying out way past my bedtime
naps
being an informed voter
a gigantic slightly off-kilter pumpkin
a poetry reading in the bathtub
taking a chance
a little johnny cash and friends
laughing until tears spring into my eyes
speaking the truth of my experience
holding onto love
drinking mugs of hot fruity tea
believing in all that might be

is there something you might want to say yes to today?

*i tried to find the page in sark's book (creative companion, inspiration sandwich, or living juicy) that inspired me to write yes on my bedroom wall so many years ago. i couldn't find the page, but i found all these little pieces of paper stuck throughout the pages of living juicy. notes on an index card from a psychology class, on the back of a note from my dad, on the back of a winnie the pooh day-by-day calendar page, on spiral notebook paper. the notes were all taken while listening to sark's inspiration line. tonight, i close my eyes and i can see that lonely, hungry-for-understanding, sad college girl in her little apartment with her roommate, daniel the cat, curled up beside her. she is sitting on her bed with the antique wrought-iron bed frame. she is wearing a flannel shirt and overalls. and she is wishing someone would see her. and she dials the phone and hears that magic laughter and kind voice** of a person who seems to see her. and this voice shares wisdom with words like, "take giant leaps of faith even when it is dark out" and "drench yourself in self-kindness." and she talks about "radical self-acceptance" and shares quotes and books suggestions...and the girl writes it all down, as much as she can. and when the message ends and she hears the beep, the girls sometimes just says, "thank you" through tears. other times she is too embarrassed and doesn't know what to say, so she just gently hangs up. and some nights she goes to barnes and noble with the notes from inspiration line and book list from one of the pages of living juicy and she starts collecting wisdom and truth and invitations to live in the form of books to place on her white bookshelves in her apartment. some nights, as she reads the pages of these books, she begins to say yes to the hope that maybe she isn't as alone as she thinks she is.

**hear this voice by visiting sark's online journal

life is full. and good. and really, really busy.

during the last few weeks, my life has been full of creating.

lots and lots of creating.

in august, i began listening to my own advice and started creating things that made me happy...not really focusing on "will this sell?" instead focusing on "does creating this make me happy?" i found a rhythm creating aprons and scarves and necklaces and a few bags before heading to squam.

and at squam, it seems that my joy about what i had created was a bit contagious as those lovely squamlettes proceeded to buy me out of almost everything i brought with me.

it was pretty amazing.

you see, this experience at squam was my first time with such a positive response that also involved people buying. (insert silly smiley face here.)

the thing is, i haven't often talked about the downsides of figuring out the etsy world or vending at an event that doesn't go that well. how does one talk about that in such a public forum? so i share this not to say, look at me!! but instead to say: do what you love. listen to yourself...really listen to yourself. do what brings a wide, real smile to your face. create what makes your heart fill with joy.

the momentum to keep creating and sharing the joys of this creating that has been swirling inside me lately has meant that i am updating my shop more often. (a big thank you to those of you who have visited my shop and found something that speaks to you...thank you all so very much.)

and it has meant that i have been attempting to balance my "day" job, life, orders, family and friends, creating items for the little room, and...well...everything else in between. it has been a bit hectic around here...but hectic in a good way.

and some exciting things are happening.

in this moment, my heart is so full of the goodness and the blessings of this life.

this post is peppered with photos from my sunday: creating new pendants, sewing up the little fabric bags my items now come packaged inside, packaging items up to take to the post office, taking photos of items for etsy, getting a wee bit organized...

so life is full and good. and i am riding the wave as it happens...letting myself enjoy the joy while also learning to set some boundaries...figuring out where i should seek advice and support...walking tall in my decisions as i do know what is best for me...embracing community in a new way...living...

this afternoon, i gave myself a treat of a (high-maintenance) pumpkin spice (soy, two-pump, no whip) latte as a little reward for getting six new selma patchwork scarves up in the shop and sending off quite a few packages at the post office (i love the postal workers at my local post office!).

i hope you give yourself permission to reward yourself with a little treat when you need one too.

blessings,
liz