quite the day...and another poem

I have so much I want to say about ArtFest...I am getting to it, I promise...

Today has been a day full of work and catching up but also a really scary moment. This morning, Jon and I took Kelly to the airport (we really had the most wonderful time together, Kelly and me; I can't wait to put all my thoughts and emotions into words soon). Driving home from the airport, we were quite startled by the sudden shattering of the driver's side window. We were on the highway traveling somewhere between 60 and 70 miles per hour when this bang of shattered glass fell on Jon. He was cool as can be though and just kept driving, not swerving even a bit. After we determined he was not hurt (and confirming that neither one of us had been shot because that was truly the first thing both of us thought), we went home to clean the glass off Jon and get the other car and then were off to Speedy Glass for repairs. It took me about two hours to breathe normally though.

So editing some education courses today was a welcome distraction from that crazy morning. And, as I said in a comment to my new dear friend Judy, though my head was filled wtih business math and criminology today, my heart is full of joy that is ArtFest.

Another poem inspired by Susan's poemcrazy class and Poetry Thursday's daily prompts in April (today's was spiral):

I am arching toward blue
I am atop the weeping willow
I am the ease of laughter through an open window
I am the space between the sun and the sound
I am inside the spiraled pink petals
I am beneath the dusting of dew
I am the balance of grief and spring
I am the crystallized truth
I am hidden
I am light
I am breath
I am burning

join me for tea?

I am sitting in my little room drinking some tea and wishing you (all of you) were here. If you were, this is what I would tell you…

I am sleepy and ready for bed. I have hit this wall with some things but know that I must just keep going. Just keep going. I am making several sets of prayer flags, some small, some larger, for the shop I hope to have ready to go in mid-april. I am also working on my website and have to say that it is harder than it seems. I need to write an “about” page. But maybe I can just have something little for now. I need someone to take pictures of me, good pictures, of me working in my little room. I want to capture creating in action. But we need some better light up here in the pacific northwest where spring gave us quite the tease yesterday as I had all my windows open and the sky was blue but today it was gray again and I could not take one decent picture. Though I tried. I went to a flea market on saturday and found vintage hankies. It was de-light-full. Jon was so great taking one trip to the car after I bought this super old fan with blue ostrich feathers. yep. Don’t think two people didn’t ask me if I was going to do a fan dance with it. Oh yes. They did. I smiled. Nope. I am gonna make some kind of art piece out of it. Me. The girl with blue wings. I love it. And I love the linens I bought along with all the gorgeous hankies. I wish we could have an afternoon of sewing and crafting and crocheting. Oh crocheting! I finished my first crocheted scarf. It is kind of my second, but the first is too short and doesn’t really look all that good. But with this second one, I got the double-crochet thing down. Makes me so happy. I will take a picture and show it off. I kind of did my own thing as I decided to create a border of double-crochet all the way around. I wasn’t sure if I could do that…but I did it all the same. My next project should probably be knitting, but I had so much fun with this that I want to crochet some more. Eventually, I want to make a blanket – a ripple blanket ala Alicia over at posie gets cozy. I think that might be my summer project. Need a yarn stash though. Was thinking that it might be fun to do some swaps for things like that and was wishing I had gotten in on the swap over at create a connection as I think it is a craft/art supply swap this month. After artfest and after my shop is up, it would be fun to do some swaps. I cannot wait until artfest. Kelly and I keep have been emailing about our panic levels. I am at about a 7.5 tonight as I did not accomplish one thing toward artfest today. Nope. I need to finish four little gifty things, get my supplies for my classes (luckily I don’t need many and mostly just need to get together what I already have in my house), and organize my trades. Not to mention, I have to decide what clothes to wear. For some reason, this is weighing on me this year. Silly. I know. I need to breathe my way into a 4 on the panic scale so I can get some sleep. One thing that is inviting me to feel super excited though is that a) Alexandra is going to stay with us tomorrow night…can’t wait to see her and laugh and laugh (and am glad she is a dear friend and won’t mind my big messiness of a house and b) tomorrow also brings the brochure for artfiberfest. I have never been but I plan to go this year. As Teesha says on her site, it is the little sister of artfest. And because I have gotten myself neck deep into the world of fiber and sewing and all this fun stuff, I can’t wait to see what workshops will be offered. I can’t wait. Thinking about all this stuff, this crafty + artsy stuff has continued to give me a break from the invited hyperventilation that is always in the back of my mind. Next month, I will head back to the Midwest for a couple of days. Again, part of the “thing I am not really blogging about that is affecting me” thing I mentioned a few weeks ago. I am overwhelmed to say the least. But a friend has reminded me to find my way to the mantra of “be present, be here” and that is helping. (thank you friend) I am trying to stay in this moment instead of fastforwarding or even rewinding for that matter. And on a funny note, as long as rottentomatoes.com doesn’t give it a major splat, Jon and I kinda want to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this weekend. Yep. I loved those guys when my brother was little and loved them and we would watch the TV show and movies together. Turtles in a half shell. Turtle power. I love those guys. This weekend, I watched the entire second season of The L Word. Crap. That is a good show. I was doing other stuff, like cutting and pasting and sewing and crocheting and stuff. It wasn’t that many hours…okay, it was. And it was g.o.o.d. Those girls are damn sexy. Oh and my moo cards came in the mail. I. love. them. They are the cutest things ever. And a perfect little business card when you don't yet have business cards! Okay, I think that’s all I have…

Now it’s your turn…how have you been?

my inner tulip blossom

Lately, I have been sharing a lot of the lighter stuff here as I have given myself the gift of an escape into the world of pink buttons and flowered fabric and creating. It has been an escape from this. And, I must admit that it is a true gift to myself. I see it as a gift because I simply cannot do the heavy lifting all the time.

As I watch the trees begin to bloom, the buds of new leaves appear, and the continued growth of the tulips, I begin to see how I spend a lot of time pushing and growing and extending. And that when I allow myself some time to bask in the growth, I begin to bloom. I know the metaphor might be too much here, but this is truly how it feels. This time away from working on myself and trying to learn the lessons feels a bit like the gift of a tulip blossom.

Last year at ArtFest, I purchased a pendant that said “spring shall return.” When I first spotted it, I stood there and just started to cry. As I said to Jon and later to Kelly, the artist made this for me, though she didn’t know it at the time. The shell, the bit of turquoise, the words…my grandmother died in the spring of 2005. She died during her favorite time of year. Right when everything was in bloom. I hadn’t been to South Carolina in the spring for several years and I remember thinking as we drove to the funeral home that I could not believe that she died when all her flowers were blooming – didn’t she want to see them? It would have made sense if she had died in the middle of the hottest day or the coldest day of the year…but spring?

The poem I wrote last week (and posted for Poetry Thursday), spoke to a realization about all of this…about a new understanding of her connection to it all.

And, as I wish for her to be here for me to talk to about a few things going on in my life, especially in those moments when I just want to tell someone something and she would be the first person I would have called, I am sitting with the thought that I can simply continue to breathe and bloom all by myself because I already have the tools I need to grow.

In a way, it feels a bit like I am giving myself the gift of spring.

Here is one of my most recent daily polaroids. I think it captures how I have been feeling lately.

a little bit of this and that

i have to share how excited i am about my new monthly columns over at poetry thursday. this week, i shared some words about meditation and Natalie Goldberg and some other good stuff. this column, take a breath (write a poem), will run the second monday of each month. i plan to share meditations over there, along with some words about the connections between mindfulness and writing. as i wrote the column sunday evening, it was wonderful to remember back to my first experience reading goldberg’s work. so much good stuff there.

spring is really in full gear here. though my daffodils are not blooming for the second year in a row (bah humbug – i will plant new bulbs this fall), it is great to see the cherry trees smiling all over the place when i drive around town. and the tulip buds are coming up!

on friday, i received a wonderful surprise in the mail! jennifer of sacred cake was going through her stash of goodness and sent me some wondrous stuff (thank you girl!). so you know what this means...it’s time to indulge me and look at more photos of:

fabric

(a closer look at the green fabric - it reminds me of people out and about in a market in paris...or perhaps seattle)

trim (look at that yellow rick rack!)

hankies (soon to be peace prayer flags)

and…
my favorite thing of all…

buttons. pink buttons. that look like flowers.

there were other buttons and various other delights too…
how lucky am i? i know…i know…

and rumor has it that jennifer is going to be featured in the next issue of cloth, paper, scissors (okay, it isn’t a rumor at all…i will keep you posted on the details here). i love the way she looks at the world (this is my favorite piece of all time) and i am so excited she is getting the attention she deserves! check out her etsy shop!

i continue with the steps toward artfest and getting my little craftsy/artsy business up and running. over the weekend, jon and i started to work on my new website. i am learning (read fighting with) photoshop elements and how to create a website. so i spent a lot of saturday evening cursing and being a general grumpy-butt toward my husband. but, after i finally figured out this one little thing, i was happy as can be (and a lot nicer) and am now on my way.

oh and i am finally beginning to update my gratitude blog. i have continued to take my polaroids each day and write my gratitude list, but i have found it a bit impossible to scan the photos in each day. and because i want to post them in order, i fell behind by several weeks. i decided that this week i am going to just start posting the current ones and will catch up as i can…so stay tuned.

and one more thing…thanks for all the kind comments you leave here. you all fill my heart up. really you do.

the road to enchantment

the resort where we stayed was nestled in this canyon...

while there...

i ate the yummiest ahi tuna i have had since jon and i went to maui for our honeymoon
i had two massages (planned to have one, but after the first, the therapist said, "you are having another one right?")
my mother taught me how to knit and crochet
i learned i hold so much in my heart and in my neck
i laughed, a lot, with my mom
i felt comfortable being naked
my heart (that has felt broken for almost two years, has been physically painful on and off for two years) was pushed to begin to heal (it hasn't hurt, at all, since the "soul seeker" experience)
i tapped into my native american past
i ate two meals at a restaurant wearing a bathrobe
i watched the oscars and howled, literally howled, when ellen made the "america voted for al gore" joke
i sat in comfortable silence with my mom
i didn't wear any make-up and got some sun on my face
i was given the assigment of taking three sea salt baths, but i had to use sea salt bath scrub, and the oiliness of the scrub caused me to get stuck in the bathtub because i couldn't get out without slipping, which meant i had to say, "mom, i need help getting out of the tub" and allow my mom to help me
it snowed
it was warm enough for flip flops
i fell in love with the red rocks
i felt far away from a lot
i felt at peace with who i am becoming
i remembered