looking at the outside becomes a peek inside
Yesterday, as I sat looking at myself on the first day of the reflection meditation, I had three distinct thoughts.
The first came as I tried to get comfortable. Last week, I decided I was going to use the mirror that is on the back of our bedroom door. This way I could close the door and create a little cocoon for myself between the wall and my bedside table. A place where I could sit and look directly into my own face, without holding a mirror, and also have some privacy. And because I can be stubborn, I tried to get comfortable in this same place even though my back and right leg hurt. I tried sitting on my knees, so I did not have to rotate my right hip. But of course, this hurt my knees. I finally "stood" on my knees, all the time wanting to just say, "okay, my five seconds are up." Then the thought came, "You are going to have to do this. You can't just talk about it. This can't be another thing you talk about but do not do."
As I looked into my face, I concentrated on my eyes. I like my eyes. I even think they are kind of pretty. But then I forced myself to take in the rest of my face. The second thought arrived like a car slamming into a telephone poll, "I am going to have to look at you for the next two months. Every single day?"
After another minute or so, I found myself feeling somewhat amused at my state. Back aching, standing on my knees looking in the mirror, feeling a bit pouty, and when this amused expression crossed my face, I noticed how much my face seemed to change. I let myself find my breath and just look at me. As a few moments passed, it was almost as though my face became flat and I could see every corner of it. I began to turn to look at the left side of my face, then the right. And I discovered that I have four moles/freckles on my right cheek that I had never really noticed. And the third thought came, "what else don't you know about yourself?"
A deep sigh within.
What do we not know about ourselves? What are we hiding from the world, from ourselves? We are the only ones who can truly know us; yet, somehow we are afraid to peek inside and see what is there. No one will ever know you as well as you know yourself. Do not be afraid. Take a peek. See yourself.
I want to thank you for the emails and comments you all have sent/left about this meditation. Some of you have even posted about your experience on your blogs this week; we are all thankful for your words. This is already a powerful journey and we are on only the second day.
Later today I am going to send out an email (keeping the email addresses private) to those of you who have indicated you are participating in the reflection meditation. If you do not receive one and would like to be included (this means that 1) I don't have your email, 2) I didn't know you were participating, or 3) between my trip and the pain medication I somehow forgot to add you), please email me (don't just leave a comment though because sometimes emails aren't included in the comments - thanks). I will send these emails out every now and then over the next two months.
mirror meditation in breathe.
Reader Comments (10)
i think there will always be things i don't know about myself...there will always be new adventures to take in discovering these things...i will always be surprised by myself...i kinda like it like that...
I agree with Michelle that knowing oneself isn't something that can ever completely be accomplished, but I think it is important for me to step up the curiosity level and find out what's ticking inside.
One thing that I noticed when I looked in the mirror was that when I finally found something to like, it made me smile just a little bit. Smiling is such an improvement. If I noticed the big difference it made, perhaps I should take it to heart to find more happy moments that will improve my reflection for me and everyone else who sees me.
I did it, it was tough, but I made it through. Thanks for giving me the courage to take a look at myself. Can't wait for more!
with this bravery you are changing the world, my love.... you are such an inspiration... there's a lot in this post that i need to think about... and i will, i promise x
this was beautiful liz. i felt like i was sitting next to you and could totally relate to your thoughts... your humor and honesty are so inspiring. i hope i can stand to do this soon.. one day.. can you just hear me procrastinating about it... i admire this venture in reflection and discovery.
This was a tough assignment...I am resisting it.
But it's necessary. Thank you. And thanks for your honest post and probing questions, as well. Like Susannah said, so much to think about.
i was watching you do everything you described. i could see your face morph the longer you looked at it, discovering new things you had never noticed or allowed yourself to look at.
what a very important and crucial part of the journey that really is for all of us.
and thanks to you, more of us are doing it now.
xxx
Hi Liz! Been out of town and just catching up on your posts -- back pain?!? I'm so sorry! It sounds awful! I hope you're getting better. Also, I was smiling reading about you pouting uncomfortably in front of the mirror.And: What do we not know about ourselves? That is such a great question!
I just sent an email to the wayward tulip address about other things...just a heads up here for mail check!
glad you had a great time in the tetons. hope you are feeling better soon. :)
Liz, can you send me the emails too? I am trying to participate. I want to participate. I can't blog about it though. I just, can't be that vulnerable. Even to myself, nevermind to anyone who stumbles on my blog. Bless you for doing this Liz, you are an inspiration.