Tuesday
Mar082011
an evening...
what is real (march 8)
it was a day.
one of those.
one part beauty and one part oh my god how did i get here with a dash of just do it girl.
i changed out of pajamas by 10.
so that felt like perfection.
by 10:15 i had apples+sweet potatoes sweetly kissed (ahem) in various spots of my shirt + purple dress i had put over my yoga pants to feel like i was actually dressed like i might leave the house.
one piece of toast eaten was at some point.
thank god it had peanut butter on it as it ended up needing to last me until jon brought something home around 4:30.
in the midst of that there was an answer from the universe disguised as a (thank you for you) phone call with a friend.
and a nap was taken by someone other than me.
a short nap.
a seriously girl you have got to be kidding me short nap.
and a dog breathed her is that really your breath breath in my face while seeking attention.
i let her kiss me.
i think she was after the apples+sweet potatoes.
somewhere in there i began to dream about going to a bookstore and out to dinner.
but the i think i will be fussies arrived in full swing.
the maybe i am just gonna go ahead and get two more teeth fussies.
or perhaps it is the i am just not feeling happy fussies.
hopefully it isn't the i feel a cold coming adventure.
so i found myself just holding on.
the to do list as always tapping at the corner of my mind while i sang about rainbows and changed the words to several songs while playing peekaboo.
a lunch/early dinner arrived via jon.
and i found myself saying maybe i could just run over to the bookstore.
after you eat.
just me.
okay was the reply.
a change of clothes.
a decision that three-day-old dirty hair actually starts looking good on the eve of day four.
add boots.
gotta have them boots.
plus the happy yellow purse.
and into the car i went.
alone.
a.l.o.n.e.
i sang loudly as i crossed the bridge with the sun almost setting and the olympic mountains peeking through the clouds.
loudly.
"and i'm gonna drive thru the hills with my hand out the window and sing till i run out of words."*
then wandered and gathered goodness at the bookstore.
so. much. goodness.
including two more notebooks because we all agree i need more of those.
then had the reminder that bad customer service in adorable children's stores always helps me save my money.
(guess she missed the boots.)
and then a call from home.
all was okay in the way it is when someone knows you need a deep breath but has a question.
do you need me to come home?
we are okay the response.
so maybe i will try that wine bar flitted through my mind.
one glass and time with some new to me sharon olds and an at the ready notebook.
and then i looked across the parking lot and said out loud or i could go to a movie.
(right now)
totally alone.
immersed in something other than all that must get done or those who need me for almost two hours.
alone.
i actually felt my heart quicken.
totally alone.
another call.
just text if you need me.
within minutes a moment to myself in the bathroom where i looked in the mirror and laughed because i felt like i was playing hooky for the first time ever.
in my whole life.
the good girl playing hooky.
with a side of popcorn+frozen coke+darkness+a row to myself+silly previews+johnny depp.
on the way home, i turned the dial up even more.
"and i'm gonna drive to the ocean, go skinny dipping, blow kisses to venus and mars."*
yes.
(soon.)
*from "wedding day" by rosie thomas
tagged 
what is real, what is real series in mama journey
what is real, what is real series in mama journey
Reader Comments (17)
Oh, awesome, Liz!!! I'm so glad you did it. I'm smiling big.
happy for these moments of grace for you. happy for this glimpse into it all.
Good for you! :)
i love that you got out for a bit.
there is nothing better than just driving
with the window down, the dial up, arm
out the window, flowing with the
wind.
a deep breath hit me when the mention
of with the sun almost setting and the olympic mountains peeking through the clouds.
mmmmmm.
So happy to hear you allowed yourself the time for you!!! You deserve it!
just for you.....time squeezed out of a day just for you. atagirl! yum.
and the headline reads, "Sweet crazy escapes help new moms retain sanity". (good for you)
there's something so absolutely exhilarating about going to the movies alone. Way to claim your time! You need to!
i love this. i love the doggie nose kisses. and i love that you got some YOU time. miss you! loves...... :-)
There is nothing like periods of solitude to revive you!
I remember that desperate feeling to go somewhere, anywhere, ALL BY MYSELF when my first-born was your daughter's age. I too spent lots of time lurking in bookstores, blissfully in a state of not-being-needed. Thankfully I can assure you that it does in fact get better with time (my son is now 11 and my daughter nearly 7). You are definitely doing the right thing by taking every opportunity that comes along for you-time.
Yay! So glad all the little foibles of the day ended on a happy note! Love how you told the story!!
loved hearing about your day, the part with others and the part that you got to play hooky.. and the fact that you added Johnny Depp to the mix was just gravy for me..
big hugs
Karen D
Good for you!
Oh, Liz. I know these days. I'm so glad you got some time for you.
(also, isn't Rosie Thomas THE BEST for the times we need to escape ourselves?)
you made me smile, remembering those days. and going to the movies alone is still the thing i do when i need to escape, when i need that two hours. so glad you went. and of course a girl can never ever have too many notebooks.
Ohhhhhhh....how I loved this!