all you need...
when i walked up to my grandmother and stared at her, willing her to breathe, i felt my heart break. and in that moment, i thought "this is what it means to love." holding ellie tonight, watching her chest move up and down, knowing that a surgeon i have not yet met will more than likely be cracking that chest open in a few weeks, that phrase kept turning around in my mind. the idea of a piece of one's heart breaking off being what forces us to understand what love really is. i have been singing that last few lines of "all you need is love" over and over these last few weeks. you know that part when paul, or is it john, repeats "love is all you need. love is all you need." and someone sings, "she loves you, yeah yeah yeah..." and i think there is a yee-haw involved. i have always loved that last part as it feels so impromptu, like the boys were just having fun. yes. love is all you need. and i don't mean it in a simple rose-colored glasses way. no. i mean it in a standing in front of your grandmother in a funeral home and realizing she loved you and you loved her in an imperfect beautiful and i am going to miss you every day for the rest of my life sort of way. i mean it in a holding the space for a friend while she shares her story and then saying, "what do you need in this moment?" sort of way. i mean it in a reaching for your partner's hand in the middle of the night after you had such a horrible fight sort of way. i mean it in a watching your child breathe and knowing you don't want to be anywhere else sort of way. i mean it in a hearing your golden retriever sigh after a long good day of simple living sort of way. i mean it in a standing face to face with yourself and looking in the mirror and choosing a soft gaze of acceptance sort of way. yes. as you walk on your path and hope upon hope that you will find your way. as you stand in this moment and think about what you know to be true. i believe that the one thing we need to carry in the pocket of our heart is the trust and faith and grace that is love. the guts of life. yes. this is what love is. love for ourselves. for the ones who rest inside our hearts. for all of it.
*****
for the last few days, i have been trying out 750words.com. a space to write "morning pages" of sorts. i kind of love it. the above was a paragraph of freewriting i did tonight and i decided to just share it here. because it is how things are in this moment in my corner of it all...
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (16)
Beautiful photo, beautiful words, beautiful mama.
you, beautiful liz, are what love is...
Yes. You put it in to words so perfectly....and those words light fire in the hearts of many and the simple act of sharing this heartspace with us today has opened us all that much more to feeling that same here-I-am-in-this-beautiful-life-with-all-its-hard-times-and-i-will-love-anyway sort of way. Thank you for that today.
{You are an amazing woman. Seriously amazing....wish you could hear my voice as I say this because it's not just words typed on a screen. Love to you and your precious family.}
Oh my, that got me teary eyed. Thank you for your writings.
Perfect.
Thank you for sharing this moment with us. It's absolutely beautiful...
"in the pocket of our heart..." liz, your words seize me. they grab me up and mend me. ellie bean is certainly where she is supposed to be - held in your love.
brilliant... brilliantly expressed.
xo
i send you and your family love.
loving you and the guts of life.
right now.
it is all we have and it is lovely.
oh.
your words always have the ability to cut right through
and make a home in my heart.
and sending you all the love and hugs and hope and best wishes for you and your little family.
xo
You have found the words that I was somehow never able to cohesively form. I have known this swell of love and this broken pieced love. Scarred heart, but whole love. THANK YOU so much for your post. I feel a release, like something that wasn't set right is finally solid, teetering no more.
I am constantly in awe of your courage and strength. Holding the space (love that phrase!) and keeping you all in my prayers.
Quite succinctly, you summed up life itself. In a nostalgic, I-know-what-it-is-to-hurt sort of way. A way we've all felt at some point in time.
Brenda
*wipes away tears*
thank you.
sitting with you and hearing all your words.
xo
Breathtaking. My heart is with you.
I felt your words deep in my heart. Thank you for saying what I feel, but don't always have the words for.