today.

this morning was full of darkness.
literally because i somehow found myself sitting with one light on and no blinds open as i worked on a document that was pretty thick (which is my personal "editor-speak" for a bit over my head and difficult to read).
i found myself not opening the blinds and pouting a bit.
missing my friends.
wishing for a different sort of day.
i felt silly that my video blog posted yesterday was me in the darkness...in a witness protection sort of lighting. and i kind of wanted to take it down, even though the message i shared is very important to me.
but i mean seriously. how silly of me to post me in almost darkness.
so then in my pouting i just sat in mostly darkness.
i mean it was grey out anyway, so it wasn't like opening the blinds would matter.
but clearly, coming close to pitching a tent in that darkness was not going to be a good idea.
and a friend insisted via email that opening the blinds was a must.

so i did.

which helped for a few minutes.

and then a bit later i took millie out.

and noticed.

and was reminded.

and while standing outside, a hummingbird swooped in right next to me.

and then later, just before dusk, the blue made an appearance.

though i am still feeling a bit pouty...a bit stuck in some feelings of missing and wishing...i am trying to just sit inside the feeling and notice.

and i forgive myself for needing to just be me inside these feelings. i forgive myself and feel the light begin to fill the space around my heart.

with each breath, i feel the light.

and i give myself permission to be here.