now.
I love the question Alexandra has asked: what do you know that you don't want to know?
And I realize. I want to know it all. Even the shit. (yes I just put that word out into the universe)
There are moments when I think "why me? why is this happening? this was not at all what I imagined or hoped for or dreamed of." Yet, it is clear that this is how it was supposed to be. Because now I am here. Armed with all of this knowledge, experience, and the realization that the tools to deal with the shit have been in me all along. I know I will forget this over and over again. This is how it works. I believe the big lessons in our life exist on a timeline and sometimes we get caught up in a loop of the lesson. I suppose that there are times that this loop could last a lifetime...but I think of it like this: You move along and then something trips you up, so you are caught up in the loop of the lesson. You loop around and around for a while...then you eventually learn this piece of the lesson and continue on again. Until you trip. Then another loop and so on. The funny thing is that even when you realize this, you still trip. Even when you are in the loop, you can't or don't get off. Even when you know you are in the midst of a lesson, it is still hard to learn. But you have the tools inside you to help the upsidedown world of spinning in the loop seem a little more rightsideup.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like me. Alive. Awake. I don't want to go to sleep and miss my life. I don't want to look back and think, "why didn't I do something?" And so I want to do something with all the lessons. I am figuring out what that is...but I know that I want to do something.
Again, I'm within my self.
I walked away, but here I come sailing back,
feet in the air, upsidedown,
as a saint when he opens his eyes
from prayer: Now. The room,
the tablecloth, familiar faces.
- Rumi
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (10)
I love that poem. I'm with you, for the first time in a long time....I'm right here with who I am.
i needed this today.
thank you.
Seems a lot of us bloggers have made the same realization this week. See Frankie's post form Feb. a5 and mine. It must be in the ether.
This is ver eloquent and very true
man. yeah, i find myself with myself, too. in a new and significant way. great post. thanks for the rumi.
that quote is too perfect! thank you friend. i love your explanation of the loop. as part of my new years resolution i started back to counseling...not because something is wrong, just because i've tripped and need to get back up and start letting the lessons sink in. i'm at a pivotal place and i'm just not sure i want to "go there." so i'm wrestling with whether i really want to deal with the shit or keep playing games. i wish i could say i want to deal with it but the truth is, it's not going to be easy...and i just don't know if i'm up to that right now.
beautiful post, beautiful poem.
the question made me think about my mom who used to always say, "i don't want to know." but like you, i'd rather know, i'd rather my eyes be wide open than shut tight.
you be so wise, woman!
~bluepoppy
yes, yes, yes, as beansprout said above, we've all been having this same realization, and I love that we all seem to be having it as once. That awakeness, that readiness for life. I love how empowered you sound, so prepared to conquer the world! You're so inspiring!!
I love your visual of a loop. For me it always feels like a road...but one with lots of detours and roadblocks and foliage covering signs I should have seen...I feel like I'm on a different road, headed in a completely different direction...and then suddenly I realize...wait a minute...I'm on the same road I started on... Sometimes I curse the detours...but that's where I do all of my learning. :)