taking things personally {self-portrait challenge}
When I was in high school I had a journal that had quotes from women throughout the pages. I often think about this one:
Women are repeatedly accused of taking things personally. I cannot see any other honest way of taking them.
Marya Mannes
It struck me then, and it strikes me now. That quote felt like a literal self reflection. There is a scene in You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks’ character says, “It’s not personal; it’s business.” And Meg Ryan’s character talks about how people say that, but if it is anything, it is personal. Life is personal.
I think people consider me someone who is emotional. I take things personally. I think this is one of my best qualities. Yep. I admit it. I love that I am emotional. I don’t mean dramatic (though I am quite sure I have my moments). No, I mean someone who isn’t afraid of feeling. Someone who admits to having emotions and feeling them.
I spend a lot of time sifting through my own “stuff,” the guts of life. The insecurities and past stuff. I sift and peel back and move through. As I do this I uncover, you guessed it, a lot of emotion.
When you are someone who sifts through things a lot, you become aware of your triggers. Why do I feel this way when someone does ____? Why am I angry about _____? Why do I feel like crying in certain moments? What is all of this really about? These are questions I am always asking myself.
The introspective me wants to know the answers. But the emotional me sometimes invites a feeling of searching for the answers through a bit of fog.
Last week was a week where several things collided at once. Just when I thought, “okay, I can figure this out,” I was hit from another side with something else. Over and over again. And even though I received support from some dear friends through this, the emotional me got a bit caught up in it all. And the “stuff” I uncovered began to cloud…well…everything.
I felt like I was on one of those rides at the fair. The one where it starts out slow, moving in a circle over a few little hills, but then it gets faster and faster and the music playing gets louder and louder. And you can’t stop it. When I was in, maybe, second grade, my father took a friend and me on one of those rides. I screamed the entire time. I kept begging my dad to wave to the guy to let him know I wanted to get off. The terror actually bubbles up a bit just thinking about that experience. A total loss of control.
It is a delicate balance. The emotional and the self-reflective. You have to check in with yourself, take your temperature, to figure out what is really going on. Because, the reality is, you are the only one who knows. You are the only one who understands why you choose to react the way you do. And figuring that out is hard enough.
Imagine if you start attempting to figure out why everyone else is doing what they are doing? Well, that can start to get really messy, especially because they are the only ones who can know. And they might not be in a place to really understand this.
Sometimes I wonder how we have any relationships at all. Truly. How do we ever successfully communicate with another person when we have a hard enough time communicating with ourselves? But, I believe relationships are part of the beauty of our time here. Connecting. Feeling. Finding our way through the emotional connections we have with others, this is a big piece of the journey.
Perhaps nestling into a life full of emotion can cause one to feel a bit blurry at times. But I think this is what we do: We make a commitment to feel, really feel deeply, so that we can live in our lives.
(to see other reflections on imperfection visit self-portrait challenge.)
self-portrait
Reader Comments (21)
This post really speaks to me Liz. I take everything personally and have to sift thru and decide (so hard!) whether it's warranted or whether it's my insecurities at play.
"You are the only one who understands why you choose to react the way you do. And figuring that out is hard enough."
That statement, wow. It's true and why is it so hard to figure out? I'm still trying and I have a good decade on you!
And connecting and feeling, this is why I chose to avoid the pills that my doctor thought would make me feel better, for me, not feeling this way (even at its darkest) is more important to me, than the other alternative. But it's also really comforting to know, that help is written onto a tiny peice of paper, waiting in my drawer should I need it.
Beautiful post here my dear.
i love how you said that,
about how it amazing that
we can communicate successfully
with each other at all
because i feel that is so true...
and it is funny how somedays,
it feels so much easier to do
than others...
all a frame of mind, i suppose.
Your week last week is mine now even as I type these words...I am going to try to take your advice and "check in" with myself. Your portrait was dark and powerful.
I think you would make a really good counselor. People need help to be brave enough to look deep, and a "feeling" person can make it not so scary.
:)
I am an emotional person also, and I determined many years ago when my boss indicated that I needed to "suck it up" that I could choose to have a tougher shell while at work. But I did not choose to do that in the rest of my life. As you said (and also Kathleen Kelly in my fav movie), life is personal. What others see as a downfall I see as a strength.
I have found journaling to be invaluable in working through the times like you had last week.
Very thoughtful post.
I love the way you chose to illustrate this very thoughtful post.
this is wonderful liz...and so true. my irony is that although i am emotional, and although i do my reflective work, i do have a hard time letting myself feel and i really think it's because i DO feel so DEEPLY. that can be scary. there are times i'm afraid the feeling will be so overwhelming that i won't survive it...and so i push away from it...
I so relate to this post, and to your feelings. Feeling deeply is both a blessing and a curse. Keep being wonderful you!
Yes! Yes!
I understand.
So much of this post I found my self saying yes you are describing ME!
Liz,
You express this so well.
I have often tried to be non emotional I think because I never learned the difference or how to seperate it from insecurity. Taking things personal is something I do too, but I also over read or misunderstand people's actions too. So I am in process of looking at my patterns instead of trying to figure others out. Living with a very emotional semi unbalanced mother made reading little signs pretty critical, but I am no longer a child and everyone is not my mother:)
I am blabbing....just wanted to say I really resonate with this.
I also want to give you a huge hug and big smooch on those beautiful cheekbones:)
Love you
always good to come here in the morning with my tea and see your lovely face.
what a beautiful post and it resonates so closely with my heart. i do understand the difference between drama and emotion. i try to stay away from a lot of drama...but the emotion is always ever present.
if you are feeling deeply...you are truly alive.
thank you for this...
love u,
boho
Your post is fabulous. Hard to believe how so many individuals feel so much the same way. I wonder sometimes if it's being creative, being artistic, which makes us this way or perhaps vice versa. I've found a wonderful quote by Dr. Leo Buscaglia. I include it sometimes before I do a reading if I'm concerned that I might cry as I'm reading. It's on the right side of my blog.
Someone told me that by being so emotional one feels more. For the wonderful things like love, that can be remarkable.
I'm definitely putting a post in my blog and will be putting a link.
Can hardly wait to have more time to check out your blog.
Hugs.
Wendy
i love this picture, liz. and what you've written speaks to my very core.
I could definitely relate to this. I am glad you took the time and had the words that describe so much of what we all go through at times.
WoW! I found this post via the link on Wendy's blog, and am so grateful to her, and to you!
You have put (so eloquently) into words what I (and so many others, it seems) struggle with. I am often 'accused' of being over-emotional, but, like you, I see it as a large & important part of my Self.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts & feelings, and for the reassurance they have provided.
Be Blessed
Q xXx
yes. i so much more want to be a person who feels deeply, even if the outcome is sometimes very messy. to own your experiences through your emotions is the only way to live honestly.
Awesome post Liz! I also came over via Wendys post on her blog. I too am very emotional I will cry at the silliest things..like ahem commercials ugh! I "feel" everything...thats just a part of who I am...I guess I was created to be that way. I can accept that even.. as My Pink Sky said..if the outcome is messy...I think its all a matter of accepting them and knowing that those emotions make up who you are! :D Thank you for sharing!
I can really relate. I'm so sensitive and have been told I take things to personally. But, you're right how can I not be? I take everything to heart and I weigh the meaning of all my decisions. Eventually I have come to embrace that I'm intune with my self and I am passionate, tears and all.
wonderful writing along with a wonderful photo.
This completely resonates. I am so emotional, and I find that I take everything to heart. This is not all bad, but as you say, there is a balance.
Thank you for sharing this so eloquently.
whoa...what a wonderfully written, and heartfelt, entry. I totally agree with you, it IS hard to figure out why we act and feel the way we do and how DO we communicate ourselves to others? Or do we? I think we all bury so many things inside ourselves that no one else will ever know, so how does anyone really know us?
I do it, too, and the thing is--so often it's really not personal. It's really about what's going on in the other person's life. Maybe we should start a support group...