thoughts from here
I think this could be called, "The one where I muse about how I think our soul chooses our family and how my role isn't to keep Ellie beside me so I can grab her hand when I need it and how it all connects to daycare and making the best choices for our family." It's about 13 minutes, so settle in with a cup of tea and a muffin or a glass of wine and dark chocolate.
But if that doesn't appeal, well, come back Monday for another story...And if it does, trust that I really mean the part at the end about continuing the conversation about the things we are "afraid" to blog about.
Anyway, these were thoughts that needed to tumble out of me yesterday afternoon even though I wasn't wearing any make-up and my hair needs a little something something and this morning, my heart tells me to share them here.
I mention my yoga teacher Laura Yon Brooks and one of her teachers, Eric Klein, in the video.
Happy weekend,
Liz
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (19)
Brave and lovely Liz!
We all have strong opinions about various manners and yet, who are we to judge another's path particularly when it has been so carefully chosen such as your own and isn't hurting anyone? If someone makes a different choice than mine it's doesn't mean that mine is less than or one is better. It's just different.
There are many issues around parenting that can divide individuals--what the child eats, where they sleep, who cares for them etc. in my role as college professor, I try to encourage my students to make informed decisions rather than just doing what their parents did or what seems popular at the time.
May we continue to dialogue about these issues without shaming one another!
XO,
Jodi
Yes. I just sent the link of this to a dear friend. We do need these brave conversations. I am breathing deeply (in my own quiet house, with my sweet boy off at school). I have been having some of the same thoughts as I deal with the major, major transition of sending my only off to school all day. Torn between heartbreak and jubilation and also, still walking our path that our boy walks and supporting and learning. As my favorite parenting guru (Magda, aka Ask Moxie) says: you are the best parent for your child. That is what I come back to, over and over. SO much love to you.
I think it's adorable how you said you want to send blue skies and sunshine on the top of our heads...and throughout the video, you go from no sunlight on your head and us viewers can actually watch the light appear and move across yours! xoxo Thanks for sharing!!!
I came here through several blog hops starting with Susannah Conway's and just wanted to say, that it's amazing when you are meant to read or see something, the universe kind of conspires for you to do it. `And so here I am, and I'm so glad I found your blog. First, I just wanted say, good for you, this decision is an important one for your soul's path and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain it. I grew up with a mother who is very much involved with esoteric life philosophies, she practiced meditation, there were beautiful rituals, and ways to transcend the mediocre, etc. So I have been exposed to these types of conversations about souls, and unconsciousness and ego, and life lessons, and meaning of life since very young, and so I grew up in an esoteric world, where things had certain meanings, and there's a myriad of symbolism in our life's work, but then I went through adolescence and early adulthood and I never once thought about it, until I had a daughter, she's now 16 months and I take care of her, and these teachings have started to return to me, and I have started meditating again, and coming here listening to a stranger, talk about her experience and her realization, just confirms that I have returned home. This is my path, I now know it, that I must take up where I left off and look at these mysteries of life, the things I was told, so that she can find her own path and honor her question and hopefully learn it in this lifetime. I'm just a student of life trying to stumble upon my question so that I may bring light and love into my path. I wrote something on the subject in a post if you care to read it. http://bringingupemilu.blogspot.com/2012/07/motherhood-on-souls.html But Thanks for such nice homecoming and much love to you.
Oh to be triggered. I am an early developmental teacher...who has chosen to stay home with my 4 children. This chapter of my life, however, (and the raising of my own children) is almost done. (The three tanagers no longer need me.) I am now getting ready to go back to work...which very well might lead me back to teaching (pre-school...which i enjoy the best or something new? It's hard to tell)... With that said, it would sound to me that you have put a lot of thought into the decision to send your little one...to daycare. Please don't let other's opinions sway the comfort and peace of what you have decided to do for your child. Sometimes the judgement of others can "guilt" one into changing course. You have the right, as your daughter's mother, to stay the course you have chosen for her, for now. If you change your mind later...then freedom lies there too :o)
Walk in freedom, dear one, walk in freedom.
~simply stork~
When my children were small we had a nest of birds that came back year after year to have their babies. We watched them daily, first as little hairless balls with huge beaks and then spikey little feathered balls that didn't stop chirping to shoving each other out of the nest and eventually taking they first look out of the nest and then came the day they would fly. I remember thinking that mama has only 3 weeks to teach them all that they know, aren't we humans blessed! The fact is Liz from the moment we have our babies every step is a step away from us, every word is so they can be independent, everything we are teaching them is so that they can "go on their own path" as you so beautifully put it. I have worked with children for years and it always baffles me how many moms feel like the measure of love is equal to how much their child needs them. That isn't healthy for anyone. As a mom of adult children nothing makes me prouder than seeing my children as confident, caring, independent, & resourceful adults who are making a difference in this world.
Thanks for making this internal conversation you've had visible to us. As moms, there are so many decisions to make and so much internal pressure to be perfect for our kids. It is awesome that you realize that you are making the best decision for your family and that you recognize that any doubts you have aren't really coming from you.
On a separate note, I understand not having a support system that offers you the same choices that others have. Sometimes I feel jealous of friends who can just drop their kids at grandma's because any change in our schedule that involves finding someone to watch Paxton becomes a major ordeal.
Liz, I can see your pain and hurt as you talk about daycare. Please know for yourself the truth of your words. We all do have different paths and different needs, personally and as a family, we all have our opinions and our perspectives and ideas as to what is importnat to us. One of the greatest gifts a person can have is the gift of empathy, of knowing that what works for them is great and that what works for someone else is also great, for them, though the two things may well be very different. Time also adds perspective now that my children are older I can look back at how the pattern of our intertwining paths have been marked. Know that decisions taken with love, care and thought, putting your family first cannot be wrong. Remember too, little ones just love being with other little ones, they thrive and flourish and learn important skills, giving this experience bracketed as it is with your and your husband's love and support and being very present in your daughter's life will help her know she can step out and have her own experiences safe in the knowledge you are both there for her. As too is another person's decision to be with their child all day. Each child, each family, needs different things. Those differences are what make life interesting and not merely a static, unalterable template to which we are all stuck.
Love and blessings to you.
Lynn
watching ellie grow and learn and become this independent little being has been a gift to my life. with having three grown pixies, i am so far from this space, yet - i learn so much and bring that along with relationships with other friends here. i feel i have softened to so many things and i needed that. i love that we have these conversations. when we face it "for reals" we move forward.
so good.
Wow. I am moved to tears. Just this morning I wrote in my paper journal about how I am in the midst of creating my own tribe, my chosen family. It takes courage to stand in your own truth & live by your decisions. Your post reminded me of a line from Arcade Fire's song 'Wake Up' ... "If the children don't grow up / Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up." Children need to gain the skills to be able eventually go ahead of their parents on your paths, wherever those paths may lead. My yoga teacher's teacher once said that the first 12 years of a child's life are yoga for the parent. Not asana or meditation. The child is the teacher.
May you be well, happy & at peace.
I don't know what I can say that can add to the amazing comments already left here
other than to say that your words are important, they need to be shared, there is great difficulty in all the decisions that have to be made when raising children that are hard enough to make from our points of view let alone when we add in the weight of the judgement of others.
I am so happy you shared this...xo
Liz, I found your blog through Hannah Marcotti. I keep thinking about how lucky we all are as mothers to have this community to share all of the emotions around parenting. I feel such an aching sadness for the millions of women who mothered before this magical Internet space existed most of the time so alone. I love your words and will remember them as I give my challenging 3.5 year old daughter her tools on her path and my more easy going son (at least for me) his tools as well. I know you don't need this reassurance but In my book, day care, babysitters and pres-school are very good things!!!! We need a break from our kids and they from us. Thank you for your words and for connecting all of us by our hearts.
Great talk! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, Liz. Our belief systems are very similar and I too use a path visual, only my child was a teenager by the time my "now" beliefs were really starting to take a shape I could "see". Last month my baby flew from my nest to his own and I can only hope and pray that I provided sufficiant tools for him to use on his own journey.
~Alisa
PS. As a former Pre-K teacher, it sounds to me like you have chosen the right choice for EJ. We had a very quite home with more adults around than children, so I firmly believe preschool for my son was a vital balance from homelife that he needed in order to develope healthy social skills, imagination and just good old fun that we adults could not offer him on a level he needed.
Good for you for following your intuition and not giving in to what others may think!
Have a beautiful day!
Hi Liz.
As another reader said, I love how the universe puts me exactly where I need to be, every time. I totally believe that we choose our soul families well before we hit this earth, and that we all agree to 'do' this life here on earth together.
My daughter is almost 20, and we are blessed to be very close, connected, just very simpatico souls. Never friction, no teenage angst directed at me. (She is an Ellie, too.) Bless you for following your intuition and helping Ellie get started on her path. Perhaps one day, those who feel differently won't feel the need to judge. xo
Brave and brilliant, dear Liz! I admire your courage for sharing your perspective on this issue. And I am inspired by your following the call of your soul to post this message. Yes, indeed, our burdens are divided and our joys multiplied when we join together with kindred spirits to surrender to our humanity, name our triggers, and soul-fully share the truths of our own paths. Namaste' :)
I really am seeing right now how speaking our truth matters. And the struggles of parenthood is part of us. Because only reading or hearing about how it is wonderful pictures something that is not the truth as it is not like this all the time.
I have the same belief about Souls and how we do choose our family, our struggles, our success before being incarnated (well, I believe this happens but not for every single Soul though).
This is something I love about reading your blog: the bloody truth is in there. And you inspire me to be more... raw in my own blogging. Thank you Liz <3
so glad you are listening to your own heart and knowing that it speaks its truths to you. shine on, wise one. you are so filled with light! I love you. x
Oh Liz!! There are no words to describe how much I needed to hear your words!! Our daughters are almost the same age (Megan was two in May) and I have her in daycare three days a week. I've been a stay-at-home mom since my oldest was born, almost 20 years ago!! I can't believe I'm even typing those words!! I know Megan is so happy when she goes to daycare. They spend lots of time outdoors and she's with a small group of kids her own age. I'm trying to find my creative niche and need my time and space to myself and I'm so blessed that I don't have to work. Having a baby again after almost eight years really threw me for a loop. My first husband passed away very unexpectedly when my sons were all very young and I was blessed with a man who embraced the boys as his own. We have this beautiful little girl together and I wouldn't trade her for anything. I feel guilty for not having the patience and honestly the desire to spend every waking moment with her like I did with the boys. I'm almost 46 years old and I need time for myself and my creativity. It's what keeps me sane. : ) I know this comment is all over the place but I had to get these words out. You have made me smile this morning and I wish I was sharing a cup of coffee with you right now so we could chat more about this. You are such a blessing in my life. I've felt that way since I took one of your on-line classes. Have a wonderful weekend!! xoxo
~ Wendy
I love how certain you are that you're making the right choice. I wish I could put my hand on your forehead and your heart chakra, like, right now this second, and fill you up with how well you can TRUST THAT certainty.
I so appreciate the blue skies and sunshine. :) And I appreciate the invitation to think about the things *I'm* afraid to blog about. What's community for except to bust our fears and shed light on the things we're unsure of.