why retreat (with erica)

Today, I am sharing another post in a series of guest posts from a few of the ladies who have attended my retreats over the last few years. My hope is that these posts will give you a glimpse into the Be Present Retreats and invite you to realize the importance of taking time away from your daily life to recharge, connect with your kindreds, and rekindle your creativity.

As I am in the midst of re-entry from the Unearth Retreat this week, I am so happy to welcome these words from kindred spirit Erica about her experience of retreating earlier this year. Thank you Erica for sharing your open heart and beautiful words. 

***

why retreat?

because sometimes we lose ourselves amidst the hay-day of life. sometimes we realize, we need to take a moment, or a few hours, maybe even days, for ourselves. so we can reconnect with our true inner- self. i realized the need for this moment last year as i browsed through my new magazine to which i so joyfully and unexpectedly found at our local stationary store.

i truly believe the best things come to you when you least expect them, but need them most. this was the case when i was instantly drawn to the cover of mingle magazine. it was as though i secretly knew there was something unique awaiting my discovery. it was whispering my name. i recall saying "this magazine has my name written all over it".

i recall the evening like it was yesterday, when i flipped to the double page spread that said "BE PRESENT RETREATS: Community and Creativity" followed by "Once you get here you won't have to worry about anything" these two phrases could not have appeared at a more perfect moment in my life. community and creativity? yes. not have to worry about anything? book my ticket!

this all surfaced in front of my tired eyes at a time when I was feeling lost from myself. overworked, overwhelmed and out of touch with what truly makes me, me. as i read on, i felt the pull inside of me. i shed a few tears as i knew i had just discovered something so rich, so inexplicably meant to be. i knew i needed to go. with the support of my loving husband a few weeks later, i finally booked my ticket. i was going to seattle. to retreat. to be at peace with myself. to look inward. to cultivate, uproot and reroot myself.

 

i assummed, based on the fabulous article in mingle there would be a lot of time to heal, nourish, rest and rejuvenate. that much i knew would be true. what i hadn't realized amidst all my pre-retreat jitters (and believe me....there were many!), was just how much it would all resonate with me. stick with me. guide me. lighten me. capture me. envelope me. balance me. it did all that and so much more, too.  

it got me out of my head and into my heart. it connected me, spiritually with myself, the universe and beyond. it helped me remember who i really am. it helped me recognize there ARE people like me, with passions like me, in this world. i am not alone. there are souls out there who love writing, all things vintage, getting messy with paint and being at one with nature and your camera. yes! this retreat allowed me the time and space to accept myself for who i am. it provided the opportunity to invite myself to be me.

this poem best sums up reasons why kindred spirits such as those i met on this fabulous retreat should retreat. 

i rested
i thought
i created works of art with my hands 
with color
with love
with ambition 

i wrote poetry
it poured out of me as if my heart were a volcano
juicy, molten poetry lava is what i released 

i ate 
deliciously, yummy food. 
got back to my roots.  

i met beautiful women
with open hearts
wanting what we all want in life
to love and be loved
like and be liked
be happy and bring forth happiness  

i explored the beautiful woods of frog creek lodge
i gazed at the mossy green trees
alive like fire
green fire 

i captured moments with my camera
i relished in my time with nature 

i listened to the rain
again and....
again

a beautiful place in a beautiful world

i let myself be me
without judgement
i worked hard to let go of the powerful critic within   

i accpeted the present 
i released the past 
i embraced the future 

i looked inward
seeked the quiet inside my mind 
i was present
present with me

erica lives in the beautiful annapolis valley of nova scotia, canada with her phenomenal husband and two cuddly fur-babies. she describes herself as an eclectique woman and lover of the sand and sea. you can peek inside her world  at www.femmeclectique.blogspot.com where she blogs, not as much as she wishes, as she is currently completing a masters degree in counseling and completing her yoga teacher training, along with working as an elementary school teacher full-time. she looks forward to less busy days and is patiently awaiting the completion of her garage-turned-studio makeover where she plans to "retreat" so she can: sing. play the piano. paint. write. sew. do yoga. sit fireside. read delicious books. seek the necessary quiet inside her mind. she plans to continue to nourish her soul and express herself the way retreating so gently reminded her that she deserves. 

why retreat (with sue triggs-rhuda)

Today, I am sharing another post in a new series of guest posts from a few of the ladies who have attended my retreats over the last few years. My hope is that these posts will give you a glimpse into the Be Present Retreats and invite you to realize the importance of taking time away from your daily life to recharge, connect with your kindreds, and rekindle your creativity.

Please welcome the delightful Sue today. I am honored to share her brave, honest story. And if you have a chance to connect with her in person one day, this is what I know: her laughter will fill you up. Yes. Thanks for sharing your story Sue!

***

I didn’t realize it then. 

I had lost her...Myself, my True Authentic Self and, a bit of my soul. 

I had lost her along the way, amidst the hurley-burley of life.
I had lost her amongst fear and doubt and letting other factors decide my story.
I had lost her and didn’t realize it, but I knew, deep inside something wasn’t right. 
I had lost her and had no idea how to go about finding what I didn’t know was lost.

There was a tiny break, a little window with a glimmer of light shining through. It was small, but it was there.  

I found “Your Story” through Ali Edwards, while taking her class at Big Picture Classes. Late at night, I was working a layout telling my creative story. A story of frustration, of fear, of not-being-good-enough, of being stuck-really-truly-stuck, stuck like i’m-never-going-to-dig-out-stuck. I cried when I wrote the words, screaming on the page...all my frustrations poured out of me.  

“Why can’t it just be ok to be me in all my imperfect glory ... and have it be OK?” 

And then I realized that if something didn’t change, I was going to be well and truly miserable for the rest of my life, and make everyone around me miserable as well and that was not acceptable. I was staring down hard at 50 and thought...I do not want to spend the second half of my life like this and be a bitter, unfulfilled angry woman. 

I talked to Ali, I talked to Liz...The retreat sounded interesting and engaging and very new-agey and totally out of my comfort zone, completely not something I’d be into... 

And I went anyway.

I almost didn’t make it...the morning of my departure, I couldn’t leave the house....major major anxiety/panic attack out of no where...my sister literally talked me out of the house, into the cab and into to the airport and on the plane. As I flew from Boston to Oregon_a touch of grace_the fear started to fall away. By the time I reached Portland, I was so excited for the adventure, the fear was completely gone.

Over the weekend, I listened to the stories around me: we laughed, we cried, we encouraged each other, we were silly, we were true. We all played with words and cameras and paper and paint and glue. I tried things I’d never thought I’d do. (Intentional walking? This is a former New Yorker you’re talking to seriously? Yes and it was a great creative exercise.) I found the courage to tell my story in a torrent of words and fear and tears and ... it was OK, there were words and hugs and complete and total acceptance. No baggage, no judging, no “you shoulds.”

Just Me.

And it was as if a weight and a veil was lifted and in their place was grace and peace and a wonderful group of kindred spirits, and we are walking the same path together and it is all OK.  

And....I went back this year, with 8 kindreds and 9 new friends and it was even more rewarding, in a much different way as I feel like I am more my authentic self a year later.  

I am still processing, two retreats and over a year later, how this experience has changed my life.  On an early morning walk just after I returned home from Oregon the first time, my girlfriend looked at me and said, "you look different, you seem calmer and more at peace." My reply was “i am.”

Do I still doubt myself...absolutely, but now instead of wallowing, I acknowledge it, see how I can use it, and send it on its merry way.

Do I still have creative angst...you betcha but I’m learning that it’s OK, it’s part of the process and that I have to move forward even if it’s one little baby step at a time. 

I retreated to find myself (I know, sounds totally cliche but it’s absolutely true), and in finding myself, I saved the rest of my life.

I discovered:     

Brave

That I can re-write my script, anytime, anywhere, anyway I want it to read, as many times as I want.

I am An Artist...with no definition.

That life, like art, is a work in progress...we have a beginning and an end...and in between is fluid and moving and lovely and changing and heartbreaking and mindblowing and hard and sweet and oh so wonderful, and it’s ours to decide.  

That reaching out can reap the sweetest rewards.

I discovered that it is all, on every level, OK. 

And that my friends, is why I retreat. This is a gift that I have been given. This is a gift that I pass to you.  

***

Sue lives just north of Boston with her knight in shining armor and crazy fun twin girls. She’s re-writing her script for her next set of adventures amidst home-making, kids homework, excursions to the beach, fun with friends and walking the dog. She loves living in the footsteps of her New England ancestors in her favorite part of the country, and near the ocean.   

The best way to describe her would be...

me-wife-mom-friend-daughter-sister-artist-fabricnut-storyteller-dreamer-reader-naturelover-scrapbooker-scififan-designer-busygirl-searcher-funlover-chief-cook-bottlewasher

Sue blogs not-as-much-as-she’d-like at:  http://triggsey.wordpress.com (which, as soon as she gets her act together, she’d like to just rename:  triggsey.com !) Come along for the ride!

***

A note from Liz: This September, Mindy Lacefield, Kelly Barton, and I are working together to create an incredible adventure in the Pacific Northwest. Kelly and Mindy are co-teaching a three-day juicy, soulful painting workshop, and I am sharing some of my favorite creative self-care practices through mini creative adventures in topics like writing, self-portraiture, meditation, and a few other good things. Find out more about the Unearth Retreat over here.

why retreat (with kimberly kalil)

Today, I am sharing another post in a new series of guest posts from a few of the ladies who have attended my retreats over the last few years. My hope is that these posts will give you a glimpse into the Be Present Retreats and invite you to realize the importance of taking time away from your daily life to recharge, connect with your kindreds, and rekindle your creativity.

Please welcome my kindred Kimberly today. She saved the day at the first Your Story Retreat when she literally put out a kitchen fire. But more than being a superhero in the true sense, she is also a wise, real person willing to share her story so that others will learn they are not alone. I am honored to share her words with you today.

***

She screams.
Spinning, a fiery top, out of control.
She gasps.
Unable to breath. Smothered by the anger.
She melts.
Fear and sorrow oozing from her feverish abyss.
She hopes.
Palms raised, she reaches out
She believes.
Grasping for light, reverie bound.
She screams.

-She Screams, by Kimberly Kalil
Written post retreat

At the start of 2011, I didn’t eat organic.

I didn’t do yoga.

I didn’t meditate.

I couldn’t write a poem to save my life.   

I wouldn’t even call myself creative.

Looking over the Your Story Retreat description the idea of “daily group gatherings that explore meditation, ritual, and everyday sacredness as ways to be more present in your daily life,” seemed absolutely foreign to me. In fact, it seemed downright nutty. I was raised by staunchly Republican, highly religious and ultra-conservative parents. My dad hunts. He slaughters the cows he raises. And there is never any talk of Zen, Buddha or anything equally as exotic or hippie-esque.

Though I’m many years removed from my parents’ home, my upbringing colors many of the decisions I make as an adult. I’d like to think of myself as somewhat progressive and open-minded, but there are times I’m downright small-town. You can take the girl out of the conservative, but you can’t take the conservative out of the girl.

 

Signing up for the Your Story Retreat was a leap of faith. I’m not sure what prompted me to do so, other than a desperate need to find a place in the world where I could unload my aching heart. My marriage was on the rocks. Not kind of sort on the rocks, but moments away from imploding. There was rarely a day that went by that I didn’t cry. I was turning into an angry, bitter person. I had no patience and the anger I had for my husband was seeping into every aspect of my life. I was a ticking time bomb often exploding at the most inopportune times and at people who didn’t deserve my wrath, namely my children.

On the opening night of my first Your Story Retreat I broke down in tears. Liz asked us to share a bit about ourselves and why we were there. I couldn’t articulate why I was there. I couldn’t tell the group the shame, anger and isolation I felt. All I could do was cry -- big, gulping, messy tears. My whole body shook as I let go and with tears streaming down my cheeks the most amazing thing happened:  around the circle arms opened, hearts reached for me and nurturing began. I was welcomed into a tribe of amazing, strong and loving women.

My tribe told me I was awesome. They told me I was brave. The convinced me I was strong enough to make the changes that really mattered. Each word spoken was folded up and placed in the sacred space around my heart.

Over the course of the weekend my soul was fed. At some point, I heard the following words:

“We always have a choice. It’s easy to believe we are stuck. But we all have choices … It’s your story. You can write your own story. ”

I went home a different person. I was still angry. My marriage was still in jeopardy. I still felt like a major failure. But I realized that I had to take charge of my life. There was only one way for me to get better -- if I wanted to fix my family, fix my husband or fix my life -- I had to fix me.

I became a runner.

I changed my diet.

I lost 35 pounds.

I started writing more and taking on creative projects that made me happy.

I started saying no.

I moved on and left behind the things that didn’t bring me joy. At one point that included the idea of being married and making “things” work.

Magically, being the change I wanted in the world worked to bring change not just to me, but to my husband, my family and others around me.

My marriage isn’t on the rocks anymore. My relationship with my husband is better than it’s ever been.

I yell at my children less and enjoy the benefits of greater patience.

I laugh more. A lot more.

I still don’t eat organic, though I’d like to try.

I don’t do yoga, though I’m sure it would help me.

I try to mediate, though I haven’t made it a daily practice.

Sometimes I write poetry, but it still feels less me and more forced.

But, what I am is someone in charge of her own story. Each day, I wake up and I decide how my day will unfold; I decided how to react to my challenges; I decide if I will seek joy; and I decided what matters.  Before I met Liz, I felt hopeless and out of control. Today, I know I’m at the helm of my life and my story.

This is why I retreat. 

Kimberly Kalil is a mom to two precious kiddos; wife to one cool dude; busy traveling consultant; crafter; digital memory keeper; and seeker of all things creative. She and her family make their home in Southern Arizona amid the cacti and javalinas. She’s all about the hot, dry weather of the desert – the hotter the better. 

Kimberly blogs regularly about her life, memory keeping endeavors, and creative projects at www.kimberlykalil.com. Each Monday she shares a piece of digital art she created and you can download it for free in 2012.

Read other posts in the Why Retreat series here.

***

A note from Liz: This September, Mindy Lacefield, Kelly Barton, and I are working together to create an incredible adventure in the Pacific Northwest. Kelly and Mindy will be co-teaching a three-day juicy, soulful painting workshop, and I will share some of my favorite creative self-care practices through mini creative adventures in topics like poetry, self-portraiture, meditation, and a few other good things. Find out more about the Unearth Retreat over here.

why retreat (with jojo blöndal)

As Kelly, Ali, and I gather goodies and ready the lodge for the Your Story Retreat participants, please enjoy another guest post in this series of posts from a few of the ladies who have attended my retreats over the last few years. My hope is that these posts will not only give you a glimpse into the Be Present Retreats, but also invite you to realize the importance of taking time away from your daily life to recharge, connect with your kindreds, and rekindle your creativity.

And today, I am delighted to welcome Jojo Blöndal who is a kindred spirit I have been connected with since the days of Poetry Thursday way back when. Thank you for sharing your light today Jojo!

*****

I am learning that sometimes I actually have to leave home to find home – a novel concept, but one that really is becoming true for me.
 
A few months back I did just that: I left my home to sink into more of me in the dew and mist of the Pacific Northwest. I traveled 1135 miles to create magic with kindreds. Strangers, really, but like-minded souls, artists and adventurers who did the exact same thing: traveled mile upon mile to escape their lives and find themselves in maple leaves, moss, and the enchantment of tall, green, majestic woods… and in an actual log cabin, no less.

I left home with a small(ish) bag filled with art supplies, fall weather gear, a slew of Moleskines, and a big desire to peel back layers of my being. This is an idea that seems strange to some: that you would get on a plane and travel, off to paint, write, eat, and commune with folks you have never met. And though two of the retreat goers were friends I had recently met, communing with strangers is a concept that fuels me. Yes, it speaks my language: adventure. An adventure with art, words, food, photography, trees, women, exploration, the sea, the forest, coffee, tea, and a labyrinth. I’m in!  I left home with a few small bags, but I’d come back with bigger things. Things tucked in my heart and under my belt. Lessons learned about myself. Lessons I’ve learned before and may learn again (and maybe again).  But each time, the path to this place inside me becomes more clear.

I left my husband and furry feline back in LA to go on this adventure. I said goodbye to all the things I push myself to be: überwife, recognized artist, good friend and neighbor; dependable daughter, sister, and aunt; and an irreplaceable service to my clients. And I said goodbye to the things I do, like keeping a tidy kitchen and bathroom, and making sure the linens are washed, dust bunnies corralled and plants (as well as my husband and myself) fed. I push myself hard! I do it out of love. But I stretch myself with so much grit that most days, grace seems to slip away. And eventually I must say hello to the yearning to refill my well, the whispers of an old friend that knows.
 
It is becoming clear to me that retreat, for me, is a necessity more than a luxury.

I arrived at my destination, welcomed with smiles and hugs and a handwritten name card. It warmed my heart to know that someone was awaiting my arrival. It reminded me that there was room for me here, that my adventure was in full swing and that I’d most certainly carved out some space to grow. I’d made it to the shade of the forest, and I sank in, with eagerness and ease. I sank in, even after surviving introductions–because as much as I love wandering to new places, the excitement (and uncertainty of it) always makes my stomach drop. I was immersed in every moment. I found new ways to look through my lens. I scouted new words with which to craft poems. I rooted about with a long brush and tubes of color to paint my story. And right next to me were beautiful strangers cracking open their tender souls to do the same. I think we were all eager. And we were all willing. And magic was made. It was inevitable.

I am learning what my heart already knows. I am learning that I must retreat to come back home. I am learning that I don’t have to be all that I think I am supposed to, to be accepted or survive or succeed. That I already have all I need. And I sit here with a smile because I will learn this again (and maybe again), but each time the path becomes more clear.

*

Jojo Blöndal is a graphic designer, artist, and creative personal blogger. She nurtures her soul and strawberry patch in the foothills of the Angeles Forest where she lives with her musician husband.
 
Jojo’s passion for creativity is rooted in celebrating the ever-changing perspectives and ever-present rhythms of her days. To preserve herself in a big city, she finds comfort in analog things - from growing succulents and herbs, to writing letters by hand and exploring daily habit with her film camera. When she’s not pushing around pixels, you might find her in a local cafe soaking up tea and sinking into a Moleskine journal.
 
Visit her artwork here, photography here, design work here and heart here.

All photos copyright to Jojo Blöndal.

why retreat (with melissa mcannally)

Today, I am sharing the second post in a new series of guest posts from a few of the ladies who have attended my retreats over the last few years. My hope is that these posts will not only give you a glimpse into the Be Present Retreats, but also invite you to realize the importance of taking time away from your daily life to recharge, connect with your kindreds, and rekindle your creativity.

And today, I am over the moon excited to welcome Melissa McAnnally as my guest today. The following is her poem (a poem!) response to the question "why retreat?" (Thank you dear girl!)

*****

Why Retreat?

To fall in love

with the sound of laughter and the taste of wine

To meet new sisters

and feel that you are home

To walk through tall trees

and embrace the texture of moss and the comfort of damp air

To cover your hands in paint

and glue and paper and joy

To rest in the healing power of

the camera lens

To let poetry caress your ears

and flow deliciously across your tongue

To gobble spoonfuls of the

earth’s healing provision

To rediscover yourself

and your place in this beautiful world 

*****

Melissa McAnnally lives along the Texas Gulf Coast, crunching numbers by day and exploring the world of art any chance she gets.

She is grateful to Liz and the Be Present Retreats for introducing her to the joy of messy, imperfect art and the healing power of the written word. 

Read other guest posts in the Why Retreat series here.