on making a home

me circa 1979

My mom and her partner Steve are visiting this week and we are doing some major rearranging and organizing and other good things around here. As I watch her with Ellie Jane, I can't help but think about my own grandmother and my own childhood and wonder what my mom must be thinking sometimes as she steps into this role of grandmother while watching her baby girl be a mother.

Thinking about that caused me to look through a few old photos tonight and there was this one. Me about three I think standing in the middle of the family room on Garland Circle. If I close my eyes and find my breath, I can travel back and feel the texture of that sofa and the nubby rug beneath my feet. I can see all the books lined up on the built-in shelves behind me and feel the smooth then bumpy spines of those green and maroon hardcovers. I can remember sitting right on that window seat singing Kenny Rogers' songs into my Fisher Price cassette player that would record my voice. I can see my dad sitting in that green chain and hear my mother humming along with Simon and Garfunkle in the kitchen. I can remember staring at those Norman Rockwell's and wondering about those two old men who must be friends. And then of course there was that odd statue. And then all those gorgeous pillows my mom made that she got rid of a few years ago that we now both wish she hadn't. And those windows. And the screened-in porch. And the coziness of that room and how there was just so much to see and take in and learn.

This is the house I dream about when my mind is quiet enough for me to remember. This is the house I walk through in my mind. This is the house I want to step back into and memorize and live in again just for a moment.

I am sitting with these memories tonight as I think about what matters to me when making a home and how letting go of emotional clutter in 10 bags to Goodwill felt like loosening my clutch on a getting too small shawl wrapped around me labeled grief. I am thinking about how beautiful it is to loosen that clutch on the roles I thought I played or how I assumed things would be. And loosening my grip on self-loathing in the form of being so angry with myself for clutter and holding on and trying to find my way to healing through buying too many bags of vintage lace or another blanket for Ellie that I just wanted her to have just in case something happened...

Loosening that grip lets the light in.

When we get done with this house this week, there is going to be so much light.

There is going to be a home full of light.

Yes.

pieces of this day

december (views) 25

 

a quiet merry christmas sort of day, december views

december (views) 12

 

a glimpse into a day of cleaning, december views

a heatwave, some good food, and some aprons

we are having a heatwave out here in the pacific northwest. temps to get near 90. i am not a fan of that kind of heat especially because no one has air conditioning here. i begin to feel like i might melt. so today i have played the "keep the windows open even though the morning is chilly and close them as soon as it is warmer outside than inside" game.

instead of getting my grumpy self on though, i decided to think happy summer thoughts and make myself some guacamole for lunch and brew some iced tea. a perfect summer treat that doesn't involve using the oven.

here's my recipe for easy guacamole:

slice 2 ripe avocados and use a spoon to scoop them into a bowl. take a fork and smash the avocados until they are...well...smashed. they should be a bit creamy in texture.
dash in a bit of crazy jane salt and some crazy jane pepper (though we haven't been able to find the pepper, so i am using lawry's lately).
shake in some hot sauce of choice (to taste and optional).
slice up a small tomato (or cut up some grape tomatoes like i did today) and add them to the bowl.
squirt in a bit of lime (or lemon) juice. (if you are going to eat this right away, you don't need the lime juice as it really only to prevent the avocado from browning. however, i also like the taste so i add it when i have it. you don't need much.)
stir.
eat.
smile.

a tip about storing guacamole in the fridge. you don't want any air hanging out with the guac. so, put it in the smallest bowl it will fit in and then tear yourself a piece of plastic wrap. cover the bowl, but before you wrap the plastic wrap along the outside of the bowl, push it in toward the guacamole so that it sits right on top of it. use your finger to "seal" it in and then wrap it around the bowl.

***

if you have been on my flickr page this week, you might have noticed that i've been wearing an apron each day and taking a photo. i am someone who wears an apron whenever i am creating anyway, but i seldom document my outfits daily. it is helpful to wear one when i am sewing because i can put my ipod in the pocket and the little threads that get cut end up on the apron instead of all over my clothes. though, i learned the hard way that if i am listening to my ipod while standing and bending over with scissors and cutting the threads from the ends of fabric that just got out of the dryer, i might just cut the headphone cord. yep. delightful. it was actually really funny.

aprons also just make me happy. they connect me to the women who came before me, they look cute, they can totally complete an outfit, they can make you feel like you are playing dress up, they are the kitchen accessory, they make me feel feminine, they are useful...how the list goes on.

i have been making several trips to local thrift stores lately looking for a few things i need for my booth at the farm chicks show, and i have been finding some really great vintage aprons. i want to share some...so, check back monday as i am going to have a little giveaway for one of these aprons.

happy friday to you all!