show up as me
At the beginning of my Create Space ecourse, I ask the students to claim an intention for themselves as they begin. I practice this with them, and in the Fall class, my intention was "show up as me." This weekend, I have been thinking about what I wrote about this intention:
This is my intention because, at times, I can get so distracted by my whirling mind and the shoulds and the "who does she think she is" gremlins and wishing for more time and the comparisons to others and how the list goes on. Knowing these things about me has gently pushed me to focus on just showing up as me and trusting myself more as I do this.
I have been thinking about these words because I have been thinking about how really leaning into wholeness might affect my blog and how I blog. When I come to this space, I do show up as me. However, as I wrote above, sometimes those whirling thoughts of "who does she thinks she is" and the comparisons come up, and I don't always tell the stories here that I long to tell.
And there are some stories I long to tell:
I want to talk more about poetry. Some of you might remember that I used to post about poetry every Thursday when I co-led a poetry community a few years ago. When that project ended, I didn't post about poetry as often for a lot of reasons that I can't even remember now. Starting this week, there will be more poetry.
I want to tell you more about the experience of writing Inner Excavation. I want to share thoughts on how it has really been to have a real live book on a shelf in bookstores and tell the truth about how my book shipping from Amazon on the same day my daughter had open-heart surgery has affected my entire experience with "the real live book."
I want to tell you more about Ellie and my world as a mama. For some reason I have worried that people will come here and think "oh how quaint, she blogs all about her kid now" and miss the whole point. But really, I long to tell you more about our days and about a few things concerning her health and share some things I have learned about having a child with "an illness." I really want to talk about my experience of letting go of how you think it is supposed to be or how you thought you would be as a parent, especially when your daughter's cardiologist says things like, "it is time to let her have milkshakes and french fries" because getting weight on her and her keeping it on is more important than the shame of not being one of those "natural mamas" you hoped you might become. (And then there is the whole "yes, she has plastic toys" shame and the "she watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse because it always gets rid of her grumps" shame...oh how I want to invite all of us to let go of this shame.)
I want to tell you about how incredible and somewhat wacky it was to experience such growth in my Etsy business, host five retreats, begin to write a series of articles for a magazine, teach two online classes, and begin some incredible projects all while being a work at home mom in 2011. (I think I can only talk about it now that I am on the other side and saw that it was possible. But oh my goodness there were times that I thought I was drowning yet I kept going and learned this: I always get it all done, especially when I take time to rest.)
I want to talk more about the Be Present Retreats and share photos and stories from participants about what happens at the retreats and their experiences. I want to tell you about how leading and teaching at these retreats has invited me to realize I am truly at home when I do this work.
I want to go on more self-portrait adventures and encourage you to do the same. I want to share more about self-portraits and why I feel they are such a beautiful way to feel deeply seen.
I want to talk more about how I am trying to push myself to come from a place of compassion when I realize I am having a "knee-jerk" reaction to something or someone.
I want to share more about how I wish we would all let go of whispering "who does she think she is?" and instead stand tall in the truth of who we are.
Yes, there is so much I want to share, and this list feels like it is just the beginning.
Thank you for coming along...
whole(ness) in real
Reader Comments (13)
Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading all of this.
Inspiring post liz. I have felt and continue to feel this way as I write my own stories. I look forward to reading more as you delve into these topics. Thank you for being open to share.
yes, yes, yes and hell yes! we want to hear it all and by you saying this, it opens up the opportunity and compassion for others to do the same. i too long to talk about "stuff" that might not be what we think people want to hear but in truth....and we know this already...others want to hear it ..they know it to be true and they also know they are in it with you. we are all connected and there are tons of ways to do things and we are unique...but someone else out there knows what you are going through and even if they don't ...they can hold the space that is you. yes, they can. i know it...because it's me.
so much love to you mama...xoxoxo
Looking forward to more poetry.... and I love to read about Ellie and your experiences as a mama. I find I am more reflective of my experiences after reading your thoughts. Please continue to share with us.
Please do show up as you! It is inspiring to her your stories. It is authentic and fosters sisterhood. We are all trying to be what and who we want to be and sharing stories is a way of encouraging each other. Blessings to you and your family. Post away!
One of my big stumbling blocks: wishing for more time and the comparisons to others—well, two stumbling blocks I guess. I've been working on this.
I'd love to hear more about you as a mama and the letting go.
Dearest Liz, Yes please - more - you have no idea how wonderful it is to read these shared experiences from you and to learn through you and to be part of this. It gives others (me) permission to be freer and more truthful about needs while feeling that one is in a safe place just to be.
Blessing to you and your family and belated Happy New Year.
Amazing post! I get glimpses of your struggles then they pass with your beautiful posts on your shop, retreats, and inspirational words for us. We find struggles inspirational too Friend. You've worked so hard to create this space for yourself...take advantage! We're here for you. (((HUGS)))
what you say and how you say it here give some of us the gentle nudge to speak up when we most probably wouldn't....because we hear the same whispers. i used to wonder why....now i can shrug and say why not while continuing to move forward down this path...and most days, it's ok if i'm the only one here. Thank you.
Liz, I think you just showed up as you! Cannot wait to read all that is coming from you soon. I can see the water ripple across the way and am looking forward to feeling the wave hit the shore.
Am excited to read all the new things that will be coming from you! ALL OF IT!
I want to hear all that you have to say!
Peace!
it all sounds good to me liz! poetry facinates & frustrates me, so i hope to gain new insights from your posts on this subject. i totally understand the "who does she think she is"-- i felt that way the first i responded to a blog-- who am i for this person to read my comments. i still feel that way at times. so i thank you for making me feel comfortable to write, share & express myself here. thank you for showing up as you are! xo alane
BTW, in case you didn't already figure it out, my words for the year are "open heart" :)