let go again and again
If you know me well, or have been reading this little corner of the world for awhile, you know that I often talk about letting go. And one of the reasons I do this is because I have so much to let go. And today, I was reminded about letting go of the guilt.
This evening, I talked with a dear friend about the idea of taking care of yourself. Putting yourself first. And when I asked her why she doesn't do this, even though she said she wants to and should and on and on...she said in a very quiet voice, "I don't know how." This was so huge. She went on to talk about how she always feel guilty if she puts herself before her job, her friends, her family, all the other stuff she should be doing.
This is a lesson that will be repeated and repeated until it is learned. You cannot live your best life unless you learn to take care of yourself. I believe this is true. And I believe I have not learned it either. You cannot keep your eyes open wide enough to see what is coming next if you are to busy taking care of everyone else. And even people who spend their entire life taking care of others in the most selfless of ways, I believe that they know how to take care of themselves. It may not be with bubblebaths or a shopping spree at a bookstore. Rather, it is more an understanding of what their souls need.
What if we sat in the quiet long enough to listen to what our souls need?
As I sat thinking about this conversation, all of my own guilt decided to bubble up to the surface...I think it heard an invitation I did not realize I had extended.
So tonight, before I go to bed and try to quiet my mind enough to sleep I want to release this guilt:
That I have once again forgotten that ice cream is not a food group and eaten some late at night with a smile on my face.
That I haven't called back some people who have called lately. I am neck-deep in work when I am used to being knee-deep and I am having a hard time juggling it all.
That I have not sent out three packages to other bloggers yet. One that is for a Creativity Exchange swap that I should have sent two weeks ago. Another as a return thank you for a surprise received in the mail. And another that I haven't even started yet that is a trade that I am so excited about. I have made many excuses about being in the midst of moving my art stuff from the dining room table and the living room couch (they are actually in the same room) into my home office that I am making a home office/studio. But really, I simply am having a hard time juggling having stuff to do for once. I am used to have a few hours of work a day and plenty of time to clean, play, nap, talk on the phone, help others, and on and on. I am not complaining. I love that I have lots of work (and so do my checking account and credit card bills), and that I have made some new friends so my social life is more interesting than it has been since we moved here, and that people are reaching out to me. But I still hate that I said, "yes i want to share part of myself through some art and send you something," yet I have not done it.(Remember, this is my guilt - not yours. I love the swaps and will send stuff soon...just please forgive me that they will be late, delayed, and all that stuff.)
That when I feel stress like this I forget to just enjoy the intimate moments with my husband. He invited me for a date after work today. We went for a walk in the woods. Then to our favorite little grocery for food for dinner. Then made dinner together and ate it outside. Guess I feel better about this one already.
That I forget the power of my own words sometimes.
That I sometimes wish Millie was my previous dog Traveler. Well, I kind of just wish they were both my current dogs (though they would have not really gotten along).
That I want to say no to an editing project I do as a volunteer. I do not have time. But I will say yes again. Yes, I will. But this time, I will set some boundaries.
That I am behind in writing a paper for my yoga training. And my presentation. At least I think I know what I will be doing for that. But I have not done the art journal example I planned to work on every day this month so I could show everyone what one would look like.
That I do not have time to read all the blogs I want to read everyday. And I have time to read some, but I don't have time to comment. Yet, people come here and leave me the nicest notes. (thank you)
That I forgot my husband's and my first date anniversary on Friday. He forgot, then remembered, then forgot too. But me, I don't ever forget. But I did. Makes me really sad for some reason. I think because I really get how that day five years ago changed my life forever.
Oh I think I could go on and on here...but this is enough for tonight.
What guilt do you need to release today? Do it now my friends...let it go.
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (24)
thank you for this post Liz.
today I don't want to feel guilty for wanting a loan and a house of our own. I don't want to feel guilty for being impatient. I don't want to feel guilty for resenting bankers. because I really do today!
I'm learning to meditate, and as a newbie, I'm finding the many reminders by my teachers to accept myself without harsh judgement to be transformational. Without harsh judgement. Without guilt. If all we have is the present moment, what is happening now, I think it means we can always begin again. Choosing to begin anew ~ where is the guilt in that? It's easy for me to write about it, and not as easy to do it... so I do a lot of starting over, it seems.
:)
Great post! It is true what you say. In many of the world's spiritual traditions they say that the work can't really begin until you learn to take care of yourself. The letting go continues...I am struggling to let go of the anger and disappointment that I cannot run, that work is scarce right now, and my own self-cruelty.
Louise L. Hay
Each of us at any time and space is doing the very best we can with what we have.
Be gentle with yourself -
your writing voice
always makes me read
a little slower...
a little calmer...
i'm generally a scanner...
a skimmer...
but when i read you...
i take my time
and absorb
your words.
and very wise words...
"let go"
:)
I don't think this comment box is big enough... ;) Actually, I've gotten much better about guilt. I probably struggle more with resentments than I do with guilt...today's a good day to remind me to LET GO of those, too.
These words could have come from me. Especially the part of being newly busy with work and LOVING the new found freedom that more money brings but so not figuring out how to juggle it all. I too had much more time and it went from 30% busy to 95% busy and I've had a really hard time with it. So much so that I got a stress-related skin condition that makes me look like a spotted freak. Now the dust bunnies lay where they are and I don't sweat it. And I'm trying to learn to let the rest go; not take the stress out on my daughter through impatience or crying because I can't take my life. Because this is what I really want....I guess I'm learning that old adage, be careful what you wish for is really true.
Thank you for sharing this.
We Women tend to try and take care fo the whole world and forget to take care of ourselves.
Um...wait a minute...what do you mean "ice cream is not a food group"? Says who??
FWIW, I find the older I get the more natural it feels to be as good to myself as I am to others...to recognize the need for that balance. If we don't refill ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and physically, then eventually we have nothing left to give to others.
What do I need to release? Hhhmm. I need to think about that.
Great post, Liz.
Thank you for being so honest- I hope you're feeling better today and do something nice for youself!!
You've given me lots to think about.
Hi Liz,
I hope you are feeling better and that you are giving yourself permission to take care of you!! I love the new look of your blog!! The green is yummy!
I don't want to be another stress on your to-do list so lemme know when you can come up for air. We can set an art date up and try to re-fill your cup a little!
Go easy on yourself sweet girl!!!!
Deares Liz:
I feel like I exist on guilt! And I always forget my anniversary ;(
I think it is the creative mind that takes so much on and thinks on it so much. It all comes out in the wash.
wonderful post liz! i preach self-care till i'm blue in the face but the simple fact of the matter is i don't really know how to practice it either. i have moments when i do it brilliantly but so often i fail miserably. thank you for this gentle reminder and for the encouragement i feel in your words.
letting go piece by piece, step by step, accepting and understanding, forgiving and forgetting..the anger has vanished, the pain is no longer there, just bits of bittness is all that is left ...I must let that go to...and let it be!
What a soft post. I know that you had a lot of sadness and release here but it felt gentle - like you could take care of yourself by doing this - lovely. I have a lot of releasing to do too. I'll have a think about that!
Hmmmm, what a universe. Needed this today, thanks.
a.
this was full of juice for my parched self.
i'll give this some thought and perhaps send it to you in an email.
you are brilliant.
last night I was thinking about what I would do if I had an extra hour a day because I am feeling a bit backed up lately. I just keep reprioritizing everyday...sometimes twice a day.
I like going to bed feeling like I completed everything off my to do list, but I know that is not going to happen.
As always, thinking of you fondly...(when I read that line back it sounded like a greeting card, but that is how I feel so I am leaving it)
I had to laugh when I read the title of this post. today I posted about how i put some things I wanted to let go of on a note attached to a baloon and let it go up into the sky- and it got stuck in a tree.
haha.
Oh man.
but I need to let go of my guilt for forgetting to take Aidan to his Krarte lessons last friday. I totally forgot. I still feel awful.
well, if it makes you feel better, i am also feeling very guilty for not having put my creative exchange project in the mail either...even though i received hers nearly two weeks ago. my project is still sitting on the kitchen table waiting for me to finish and everyday i see it and feel worse because school is demanding my attention first. and i'm feeling guilty about school getting in the way of taking my dog to the woods for a real run. and i also have been feeling guilty lately about not having visited blogs. i'll leave it at that for now...but thanks...that was theraputic.
whew!
:)-
I feel guilty because I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I haven't played with my hamster yet tonight. I ate some chocolate earlier. I haven't written my poem for the day. What don't I feel guilty about?
"Do the hard part first"
I got that quote from a book that I read...and for the life of me I can't remember the title...it was about the TIMBER BOOM of Tacoma, Washington and it was SO INTERESTING..I read it over 10 years ago..bought it in the used book store that I am going to get your special book at... (near Frieghthouse Square).
Anyways..that quote has stayed with me in times like the one you are in right now..it helps me to PRIORITIZE...it literally helps me to sort out what is IMPORTANT...by literally..DOING THE HARD PART FIRST.
Ahhhh Ha - I found the book..
"Green Timber" by Thomas Emerson Ripley"
It's an oldie but a goodie..I found the name of the book out of the book "Skid Road" another paperback book - talking about Seattle and its day - back when they use to skid trees down the hill...and all of that stuff..
Ok..night night.
i miss your frequent 'let it goes' from artfest. it's true. keep doing it. it's very freeing, isn't it?