know your truth.
all the colors . port townsend, march 2010
last week, as i was pounding letters, mantras, beliefs into metal, i had the thought to pound in the phrase "speak your truth."
this phrase has meant a lot to me over the last few years or so. back in november of 2006, i found myself in the midst of an illness that involved a growth on my thyroid. as i tried to make sense of the senselessness that is biopsies and other things, i kept coming back to how the words i so often wanted to say were sometimes stuck, literally, in my throat. how this had been a piece of my truth for my entire life. this growth seemed to represent this truth. (i wrote about my thoughts at the time here.)
this need to speak my truth came up again in 2007 when my dad shared that he wanted to get treatment for alcoholism. spending time with him and "talking about it" meant that i would need to speak my truth. i didn't know what form it would take or how i would be "brave" enough to share my experiences with someone in my family. i thought about the pain and all that i wanted to say to him (and as i thought about that pain, i thought about all the pain that had brought me to that moment). but when i started writing pieces of my story to share, i glimpsed something really important while in a hotel room outside chicago writing from my gut. i glimpsed a lesson in the idea that sometimes it is knowing our truth that is the powerful piece. this glimpse helped shape how i shared my story with my dad.
i didn't put this "glimpse" into the words of "knowing my truth" at the time. instead, i focused on how sharing our truth from a place of truth and love, as i did with my father, can push us to be honest while also owning our own pieces of the experience.
i think often of this idea of speaking my truth. in situations that have been confusing or when i find myself trying to set boundaries, i think about how i can speak my truth but from a place of truth and love. i know i do not always do it. i know i mess up a lot. i know my feelings/emotions in a moment can sometimes over rule this way i want to be. but i try to think about how to share pieces of my experience from a place of love of myself and love for the other person (whether i truly love the person or just feel compassion toward a fellow human i might not know very well).
let me try to explain another way: when something happens that shifts us, that moves us away from feeling grounded or "like ourselves," i think we have to look at why this feeling has come up. the truth piece comes in because we have to be truthful with ourselves. are we hurt? why? what is this really about? is this triggering something else/someone else? then, in being honest with ourselves, we can maybe see how we can separate how we are feeling from the other person/people involved.
as i started to pound "speak your truth" into metal last week, i stopped after "speak" and stood there staring at the word for five minutes or so. i thought about all of this. about how sometimes what seems like speaking my truth is actually a mishmash of feelings, emotions, fears, pain, triggers and not really the truth that rests in the core of who i am...who i hope to be.
in that moment, i thought about how it is powerful to know my truth and why i am reacting the way i am. in knowing my truth, i first speak my truth to myself (and then maybe to a very trusted friend because sometimes you need to hold someone's hand as you find this truth within you). i figure it out. i trust my self.
this is the most important piece: when we know our truth, the truth frees us.
then, from a place of truth and love, i can decide how and if i need to speak my truth to another person. i can figure out what pieces to tell that person that will help him or her see me instead of feeling attacked or invited to be defensive.
i think about that moment in that hotel room when i found my way to words that invited my dad to hear me instead of hearing judgement. i hoped that my words would convey: "this is what it was/is like to be me. this is how your actions shaped me. but i am glad to be who i am. i wish there had been less confusion and pain, but i stand tall in my life proud of who i became even though there was this pain on my path."
in this moment, almost three years later, i believe that our relationship is the good one that it is partly because i chose to know my truth and share only pieces of it so that my dad would be able to hear me. if i had attacked or come from a place of judgement, our relationship might be different now.
so what did i do with those words pounded into metal? i changed my mind and pounded the phrase "speak of hope" in one locket and "know your truth" in another.
speak of hope . know your truth
i know i do not do this all the time, this know my truth stuff...i do not always sit in the quiet to try to know what my feelings are about and why. ask my husband. he is often the recipient of my knee-jerk, pouting ways.
yet, i am trying to find my way to this as i walk in my life. trying to find my way to sharing pieces of my truth in the way that helps me and those i love. this means my heart is pretty open most of the time. this means i am sometimes misunderstood because not everyone feels comfortable with truth and love. this means i sometimes stumble as i try to find my way through my triggers and the pain.
as i look to this vulnerable time where i am bringing a new human into this world, where i am walking a new path that invites more judgement than i have perhaps ever felt in my life, i know that coming from this place of truth and love will serve me and my little family.
the other day, i wrote a status on facebook about how tender my heart feels and how we never know what another person is experiencing. this is so true. i believe this to my core. yet, i sometimes think we say that we believe this because we want to be able to say, "don't you know how hard it is to be me? don't you ever think about me?" i should rephrase: sometimes i think i say this when i feel hurt because i want to feel better that no one knows my day-to-day experience; no one knows what it is like to be me in this life. and this truth pushes me to think about how we have to remember, i have to remember, it goes both ways.
before we "speak our truth," we must remember that someone else will be the one to hear us. we must choose our words. in this place on this day as i walk on this path, my path, i invite myself to know my truth and to choose love.
this is me in on truth and love
Reader Comments (17)
Beautifully beautifully said my friend. xoxoxo
If you had not gone through that pain and known how damaging it could be, perhaps you would not have had the wisdom that when the time came for your dad to start on a path towards his own healing, to express yourself in such a way that would allow him hear the effect his illness had on you.
By chosing your words and speaking from a place of compassion, you've modeled the kind of behaviour that informs the other person. Instead of engaging in judgements and blame, you offered him another, healthier way of communicating, paving the way to subvert old patterns and funnel your energies into more positive outcomes. Do you have any idea how HUGE and COURAGEOUS that is?!? I know it must have been very scarey, but you did it!
Your level of self awareness is amazing and I admire your ability to keep reaffirming your commiment to yourself to be better and do better because you KNOW better. You keep at it even when it's really hard. It takes a woman of great compassion to be able to be gentle with other people's hearts.
The Dalai Lama says "Kindness is my religion." I think we'd all be alot happier and have inner peace if we could simply practice kindness in our daily lives.
Thank you for speaking your truth. I SEE you. xo
this is amazing. i am on a path that is leading me toward a discussion that must be. i've been playing out all the different scenarios in my head, wondering if others do the same, wondering how to keep it a discussion and not an all out conflict. i needed this today. i actually wrote about the winds of change and how i'm feeling about that yesterday. thank you for your words.
thank you...for the invitation to speak our truth...you are a light...and i love the way you shine...
i love this post so much because you're the person who taught me to speak my truth with honesty and love. it's the best advice i've ever been given, really honey, and i'm proud that i can call you my friend. love you. xoxo
i cannot tell you....how as i sit alone at my kitchen table...resonating with the words you wrote...how much i needed this...
right here.
right now.
in this moment.
thank you....
it made me feel less alone...
it helped to realize it is "OKAY" to speak my truth...to know my truth....
even if sometimes it is hard to realize that truth. hope that makes sense???
sometimes i feel like my truth can be a hard truth to swallow....and that, for me, is the really difficult part.
i thank you for your wisdom and your way with words....so happy that i am blessed to know you!!
xxoo
k
What an incredibly powerful post and so eloquently said. I am going to go back now and re read it so that I can truly soak it all in. I love you!
You always touch my heart. You remind me again to know my truth. and to speak my truth. not always an easy task for me but important. Bless you for your shining light and open heart. I have read your blog for a long time and every time I always feel that you are someone I would love to know. I thank you for your insight and your invitation to know and speak our truth and always from love.
sitting in the quiet. living through the hard spots. knowing my truth and learning when it does -- and does not -- need to be spoken. being your friend has helped me to soak in all of these things even deeper.
you give me hope ....thank you...x
i am slowly learning to know my truth, but learning how and when to speak it seems so far away sometimes. slowly ..
thank you for this.
This is so beautifully crafted with care, respect and love= all the ways we want to be. :)
Powerful. To the max.
Love your words, powerful and filled with truth, yours, and humanity's. It is always most important to be true to yourself, but you take that the one step further that includes caring about those you love. Beautiful.
This is beautiful.
Strong and true.
So are you!
xx
I totally hear you and share similar experiences. This has reminded me to know my truth. to just be with it.
I have followed you on Pinterest for at least a year and you are my favorite person I follow.
Many of the truths you have come to know - universal truths about how to truly love others - these truths I believe are truly gifts - so so many don't know or understand these truths. Those of us who are given this understanding are so truly lucky ! Reading your thoughts , I just had to tell you about a tiny little book called " The Way To Love " You would love it . It was truly a gift to me. It is kind of deep in a way I think not everyone could understand but I know you could . It is amazing