here
a post is brewing inside me about the realness of working from home while taking care of a toddler full time and running a business that is really more than a full time job. a post about the lifelines i hold onto some days. a post about why i really invite you to let go (for real this time) of thinking the people you see online "do it all." a post about how some days find me vacuuming with a toddler eating cheerios strapped to me. a post about how going to the bathroom by myself sometimes seems like it has become a luxury. a post about how sometimes i drive around my neighborhood drinking a hot chai tea and talking with a friend because my daughter is napping in the backseat and i don't want to hang up yet. a post about how just when i think "i got this" the overwhelms arrive again. a post that is just about the realness of things so that i can remind myself that choosing self-care (like i did last week when i closed the shop during my ecourse's "breathing space" week to give myself some breathing space too) is the right choice...so i can remind myself of what i know...
and i wanted to write that post tonight.
but then there was this photo from today.
this photo of a little girl who has her head on her daddy's chest. a little girl who wants to go outside even when it is freezing because there are birds and trees and so much to do and see. a little girl who giggles and then gets so frustrated in the next breath that i can't help but wonder what will happen when that frustration is finally paired with words. a little girl who looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. a little girl who runs down the hall and wraps her arms around my legs when i get done with a marathon brainstorming skype session because she just can't believe i am finally back. a little girl who touches her chest and my chest when i say, "where is love?"
there can be both you know. there can be deep deep love and frustration about the realness of it all. you can hold both at once. you can hold both the beauty and shit.*
this is the way of life i think.
*i just can't come up with another word. this phrase, the beauty and the shit, is one i have been using with my friends for a while now. i basically want to name my next ecourse "the beauty and the shit" but i know that won't really resonate with everyone. at the same time, i think you probably know exactly what i mean when i say it. life is full of beauty and shit. it is full of moments that take our breath away because they are incredible and because they are so so hard. and we get through. and we find our breath again. and there is love. and we hope there is more love than shit. and it is okay to see all of it and tell the truth about all of it too.
what is real in real
Reader Comments (11)
that's why i love this life, because it's full of beauty and shit. xo
It resonates!!!
I dare you to title it just that.. because anyone with children or adult children knows .. with beauty there is shit. ALWAYS! Everyone can relate we have all stepped in that pile of poo before. Without the negative mushy stuff that smells to high heaven we could never appreciate the beauty in our lives.
So again.. I double dog shit dare you..
I love your blog more and more.. keep it coming.
Thanks for putting it out there in words I sometimes can't find - and acknowledging we live in the gray matter between the beauty and the shit.
Thank you for this post Liz. It was just what I needed today. The truth. Yep, 'the beauty and the shit' pretty much says it all.
how much i love your posts Liz....you always know the exact thing to say: when I am feeling so frustrated and son unmotivated and then you make me remember that there;s beauty right here just waiting to be noticed - buried under all the overwhelm
Even though I don't say s#&% I know exactly what you mean and I agree! :)
The beauty and the shit indeed.
I ask for lots of help and let lots of stuff drop. The check I write to my housekeeper is some of the best money I spend. And I remember with great clarity being utterly exhausted and mowing the lawn with Clara strapped to my chest. She's seven now, but tonight, up against a deadline, we both happily ate pirates booty for dinner.
The beauty and the shit won't resonate with everyone? Somehow I doubt that. It sums up life so eloquently, really. Making space for both is the trick.
Love your images, love your words, and most of all, I love you.
xoxo.nona
I just adore that about you, dear one. And it is SO eloquently put.
You are so genuine and so lovely in so many ways.
I call them the sacred and the profane. Because, theres usually swearing for me too when im dealing with the shit.
And they totally go together.
Pema Chodron uses the same word when she talks about being present in this moment, which, let's face it, may well be a shitty one! It's an excellent expression.
My daughter is just a month or two younger than yours and though my tiny business takes up so much less time than yours, I so feel every word of that first paragraph resonating in my own life. It is so hard to switch between mama and business/thinking/reliable person and yet so very necessary. Necessary for my own sanity and even to make me a better mother when I'm in that role. Thanks for sharing this stuff so eloquently, as you do.