a letter to my teenage self {poetry thursday}
It's Poetry Thursday!
This week I am sharing the first part of a writing exercise I am doing. I am trying to jumpstart my writing a bit because I have spent so much time on my laptop lately that I am not always motivated to come back to my computer to write for fun, to write for me. Earlier this week I was jumping around from blog to blog and found a letter a blogger wrote to her teenage self (updated 2013: link to the blog no longer works). I loved this idea and immediatly thought, "this would be an incredible poem." I decided to let this be a prompt for me this week. I wanted to first write the letter and then create a poem from it.
So here is part one...the letter. I was imagining writing to myself the summer after I graduated from high school.
Dear Liz Elayne,
I am just going to put this out there first. I know it is hard to believe that I do not have at least three of the five children you were convinced I would have. That I am thirty! and do not have even one child but instead I have, of all things, a dog (she is my second golden retriever by the way). I know it is hard to believe that I am not a doctor (chemistry was not any easier in college) or a Constitutional Law lawyer (still love it just didn’t take that path). Something happened, not so unexpectedly, that shaped this path. I don’t want you to be afraid. You are safe; nothing happens “to” you. But your life will shift a bit. Remember that feeling you had when you thought mom and dad were getting divorced when you were 14? Remember feeling alone, lost, and scared? Those feelings continue to guide you for a while. I don’t want to scare you, but it isn’t as easy to work through it all as it might seem. I am sorry about that. But you will realize that the feelings you have now are part of the human journey. They do not go away. The feelings you had reading The Awakening will continue to wash over you for…well, from what I can tell…your entire lifetime.
Know that you will find a sense of support from a few amazing friendships. Some books and a golden retriever will change your life. You will begin to loosen the grip your fingers have around fear and loneliness. I promise. And many of the friends you have now, yes, right now, will be your friends still today. I know you know that, but I just wanted to tell you. However, you will never have sex with Lee Travis. Nope. So just let that go. Seriously sweetie. Just let it go. The girl everyone thinks you are in high school…the good girl…the good girl who never really does anything that might get her “in trouble.” That girl. Honey, that is just who you are. It is okay. (Though when V. has a heart to heart with you in a bathroom in Boston, listen to her. You just might do something that is totally unlike you, something of little importance, yet something that will remind you that you can be just a tiny bit reckless. Of course, take R. up on it when she wants to come too. Bravery in numbers.) You will fall in love with a wonderful man who honors every inch of who you are. I don’t want to spoil it all for you though. Just trust yourself like you always have.
I feel a need to say I am sorry I am not saving the world like you wanted to. Yet, I feel closer to you now than I ever did. The hopes, dreams, funny (good funny) way you have of looking at the world…I feel a bond with all of that. A bond that got a bit lost in my twenties. You know how your spirit yearns for a connection to the Great Spirit you have read about? You will continue to seek this connection. It will be an important part of your path. And don’t let anyone tell you how this connection should look. There will be a time when you feel terrified that if this connection doesn’t look a certain way you might lose people who are important to you. Keep listening to that voice inside. That voice is, just as you suspected, the voice of what you will keep calling god in your own mind because that is a word that makes sense to you. When you find yourself out in the Pacific Northwest, away from the expectations of those around you, you will step into a world that embraces all you want to be, which is all that you already are. You will begin to shed the fear like a clothes on a hot Indiana day and honor that maybe you are saving the world, just in a different way.
And know this…I would do it all again to be in this place where I am now. All of it. That thought isn’t a cliché; it is truth. Your truth. So even in those dark moments that are coming your way, trust you. Trust. You.
Oh and have fun. You will begin to understand the fragility of life when you get to be my age, and laughter and joy and moments filled with truth and caring and love will become more important than you ever realized. Notice those moments, so that you can remember them when life hands you something else.
I don’t want to give away anything more than I already have. Just live it baby girl. Live in your life. I am always here for you; all you have to do is sit quietly and breathe and you will find me.
Love,
me
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (32)
We all can't save the World at once. Some do it in neon lights others do it with the sound of gently falling words on paper. Each has it's worth.
I liked your post very much
It's so important to treat ourselves gently and compassionately. Even our young, foolish selves. You are changing the world, by breaking open the magic of poetry and ushering in those of us who thought it was a fruitless, adolescent endeavor - by giving us our dreams, slightly bruised and crumbled, back.
This is really wonderful, Liz.
Hello! I am back from a little hiatus and hopefully will be posting regularly on Poetry Thursdays again. I really liked what you wrote to your teenage self, and I think it is something that I need to do to let go of some of the regrets I have about my teenage years. Thanks for the motivation and inspiration!
Cheers,
Deirdre (in Sweden)
i really don't know what to say, liz - this is MASSIVE. as i read it a little girl was shouting out to me, wanting a letter too....i may have to find a piece of paper and start... you *are* changing the world, my darling, you really are x
Wow...this was...a huge step, a leap and an exercise that I need to do.
Once again Liz, your truth, mixed with a gift of wisdom, has impacted me greatly.
Thank you,
xxxd
Liz, this was wonderful, I think we all should go back and tell ourselves that it ok to walk down our paths where ever they may lead and not only where we thought they should, what freedom to just be and except who we are and who we are becoming on this journey of life, there is no script, only moments to enjoy.
Thank you
wow, liz. just...wow.
no, hang on. thank you so much for writing this. i feel like i'm finally emerging from depression, and this letter was so inspiring to read for me. so many times i can feel sad for myself, being as insecure and worried as i was, and not honour the gentle spirit that lives inside us all. thank you for lighting the way.
i echo susannah's statement...you ARE changing the world. thank you again.
Hi Liz. I loved Megan's letter and I love yours too.
Reading them makes me kind of want to write a letter to my teenaged self too, but then when I think about it I'm not sure what I'd say to her. Seventeen was longer ago for me than for you and I feel like I barely know who that girl was anymore. That makes me a little sad.
Thanks for a wonderful post.
Liz, that's beautiful! The tenderness is really touching. It sometimes feel to me like that 17-year-old girl was somebody else altogether. Barely me. Not-yet-me. And I do wish I could protect her, but know she has to do the things she's going to do, if she's going to end up precisely here, now, which is where I want to be!
That's so wise and beautiful. They say you get wiser as you get older, but I don't think it's automatic - some of us just stay foolish :) It looks as if you have nailed it though.
wonderful and wise.
i can't think of a single person who wouldn't benefit from doing this (both writing the letter, and being visited by an older incarnation of oneself ;-))
oh lizzy...this made me cry (good tears).
just the thought of receiving this letter from self at this age really moved me. how amazing and life altering would that have been to have such a letter?
what a brilliant exercise and yes...i too may have to do this.
thank you as always for the inspiration and for sharing your sweet, strong voice with us.
love you.
inspiring... it might've been easier if each of us had received a letter like this. to know that we're not alone, that we are our own true companion. maybe one day i'll write something like this and give it to my (hypothetical) child when they've grown into their teenage years. food for thought...
Wow - wonderful letter and idea!
I wrote letters from my eight year old self and my eighty year old self to my current self a few years back. They were strongly impactful, and your letter reminded me of them!
I'm going to go back and re-read what I wrote. I may try this exercise for myself as well!
Tammy
What a beautiful dialogue between selves. I might have to swipe this idea with a twist and use it in my new work as a school therapist. All our previous ages do live within us like tree rings one beneath the next, and I love the idea of revisiting them through writing exploration. Thanks for sharing Liz!
i just love this liz! i think my favorite part is where you tell youself that you are safe. i think we need to do that more often--remind ourselves that we are safe and therefore can do the things we think we can't/won't be able to do.
wow, this is a powerful letter and post. bravo to you for reaching out and connecting with that younger version of yourself ... you speak to her with such love and affection ... very beautiful.
Liz, this is such a fantastic letter.....i have often thought about doing this before and reading your words am so inspired to do so.
amzing what hindsight gives us. so much more than the bare facts. a deeper understanding of who we really are and WERE.
this is truly amazing and inspiring.
xxx
i read this post of yours a few days ago and find myself thinking about it a lot. i love the tender way you wrote about your own path since being a teenager. the way you write about still being able to connect and even feel closer to that girl with all those dreams and fears. i found myself immediately wanting to try this prompt myself, but don't know if i'm ready.
My first thought was that it must be nice to have someone so wonderful in your life.
*wink, wink*
:)
Oooh, how wonderful. What a great idea. My girlfriend and I used to write one another future letters, they were hilarious. We were in grade 3 and we would write letters to one another from the perspective of our future 30 year old selves. It was always funny to read them and see who we had chosen to marry from our grade three class and stuff. I really enjoyed your letter here Liz. Awesome.
Liz, this is great!
When I was in 6th grade, we had to write letters to ourselves to be opened when we were in 12th grade (my school was 6-12). I remember vaguely what I wrote in my letter - some stuff about boys I liked, some stuff about which classes I was interested in... I know I wrote some "profound" stuff too, at least what I considered to be heavy stuff at 11 years old.
The letters were all buried in a time capsule on the school grounds. Unfortunately I left that school after 10th grade when I decided to do a student exchange and the go straight to college afterwards. I never saw my letter again, but I'm happy to say it's one of my very few regrets of having decided to take the fast track.
:)
Oh, this letter to your teenage self is wonderful. You have inspired me to do the same. Thank you.
ahhhh...
this was amazingly wonderful.
and made me think.
who would i write to.
what would i say.
what paths was i on then
that may have
contributed to who i am today
or have i veered far away from...
very very interesting...
i'm so glad you chose to
write
and share it...
Oh, my, how I LOVE this piece! Everyone should do this. Wonderfully written.
I used to teach a journal writing class years ago, and this was one of the assignments I gave. And write another to yourself 20 years from now....