fear.less
our friends' new puppy sydney . february 2009
On Friday evening, Jon and I spent time with some dear friends and their puppy. It was so refreshing to be around that bundle of energy and to watch the curiosity with which he explored and took in the world around him.
I took several photos of him, and although this one might not be the best in the "true" sense of what the best might mean to some, I love how it captures the fearlessness as he jumped up and put his paws on my knees so he could balance while investigating the camera in front of my face. And although his eyes might almost appear sad to some, what you don't see is the smile that I observed as he tried to figure it out what the heck I was doing with that big thing that made funny noises and flashed.
Our dog, Millie, tends to look at me with a "you've got to be kidding, that thing again; I hate that thing" look on her face when I try to take her photo. Most photos of her I have shared are the best one of lots and lots and lots taken trying to get her to look my way. She hates the camera. There is no need to check out what it is as she seems to feel about it the same way she feels about the vacuum. She is clearly pretty overwhelmed by the vacuum, but because being around her person makes her feel the safest, she experiences a major conundrum during any cleaning around here: how to stay right next to the very source of safety that is moving the very thing she fears toward her.
Writing that, I can't help but look up at her in this moment and say, "I totally get you kid."
It is funny how we stick with what isn't working because it feels safe...because it feels like we are not in control, even though all we would have to do to take control is walk out of the room. But we don't because sometimes it seems easier to just do what we know.
During the last few weeks, I have been honest with myself about a few things that haven't been working. Oh, I guess I have been "honest" in the past, but I hadn't done anything about them. However, something shifted. Something shifted through truth and love in my life.
I have removed the blinders that I have been wearing on and off for a while now. Putting them on each morning had become a habit. I would put them on just after I would get up so that I didn't have to really take in how our house was more mess than home or the nest I so wanted it to be. I would put on the blinders so that I could get through another day spent entirely in this house as I work from here and live here.
The shift of realizing that the amount of energy I was spending in self-loathing about the mess and the blinders and the way they both were hindering many creative dreams I have and that Jon and I have together...in realizing this...momentum began to build. I started to be honest with myself in a new way. This new energy has begun to birth several unexpected shifts.
A sense of fearlessness has taken over...a sense of "why wait?" And a sense of deep understanding that I can do more than I ever thought I could do.
Our home is still a bit messy, but in that lived in sort of way. There are still things that need to be done, but no blinders are needed. I feel a new peace inside me. We are in the process of making our home feel like a nest, a retreat for us and anyone who comes to visit. My studio space, the (new) little room, is beautiful and light-filled. Many creative dreams are hatching in this space...one of which I plan to share tomorrow.
Moving into fearlessness...into light...into possibility with more than just words...
I am moving into fearlessnes, light, and possibility with actions, with beliefs, with confidence, with a deep knowledge of my truth.
Yes.
This is where I am today.
Where are you?
this is me
Reader Comments (13)
Such an adorable little puppy face!
I have been there with blinders on! It has been a matter of letting go and not caring or fearing those things that may be holding me back (or may not approve). I am working on being myself more and just charging forward. Congrats on your progress, and thanks for sharing this perspective!
Beautiful post Liz... and me... I am in the midst of trying to shift my regular focus and spend more time looking at the positives rather than the fears. Every time I get close to finishing a project, big or small, I start to internalise one or all of the following: what will "others" think, what if no one comes, what if I never have a new idea, what if no one responds, what if I suck and no one wants to tell me. There are more, but I will leave it at that. My new thoughts are: I give this project total permission to succeed, I hope others hear about XXX and want to join in, I hope the inspiration I received from XXX can be transmitted to someone else and have it keep going, osmosis at its best, and etc. It is a lot of conscious work and thought to change those bad thoughts into good ones, but here I go... here's to banishing all the blinders. xo the other liz
Your thoughts are always so fresh and so open to possibility...I am looking into the new week ahead with some fear -- about my youngest son's academic life and where he is headed; but with optimism and hope that if he wants something and allows his desire to take over, he can accomplish anything.
And gosh, that dog is beautiful!!
liz!! i am so with you (possibly a fair few steps behind actually...) but what you write about your home (what you talked about in a previous vlog...) oh my gosh, i {hear} you!
in fact i came to my own 'a-ha moment' this weekend, and i am throwing away my blinders tomorrow and tackling our mess (home) first thing!
and the puppy... oh i want one! (i have two dogs already, but there is always room in my heart for a new puppy!)
A good question! I am thrilled that I sometimes catch the grumbling and self-flagellation in my head before it takes over a perfectly good moment. It doesn't happen a lot of the time, but I am glad that I can laugh when I recognize it for what it is: ego run amok. Peace, one moment at a time.
I am so happy this all has caused a shift in you and am glad I was there for part of the experience. You are amazing.
WOW! First, the puppy is adorable. Then, congrats on the 'shift'. I had a similar shift some years ago when I read a book on how to simplify your life. Very insightful stuff that has changed me - in a good way. I will tune in again tomorrow.
Thanks for sharing.
--Jane
Liz Elayne*
i heart that doggie dear's face.
happy making your home a nest!
those things you speak of/intend for your home (that nest-y feelin') is what i feel here in this blog space...
tonight i am at home after time away visiting beloved soul*sisters. being quiet. moving softly. looking forward to rest & a day off tomorrow.
xo,
gem
i am here. right here. xo
Golly Gee, I love your blog. I bookmarked it and everything! I think we need to be best friends.
yes, yes, yes! i am with you, too! so much learning each step of the way, as i am trying to figure out what does and does not work and why, and what i can do about it to bring peace & more light to this life i call my own... that's why i come here, i feel closer to the peace, the light, and i thank you!
now, if i could only borrow that sweet little puppy for awhile!
and that look that Millie gives you, Jade gives it to me, too...india on the other hand... all smiles and poses...lol.
hope you had a beautiful weekend. xoxo
Hey Liz,
What a gret post. I'm glad that your home is becoming something that you feel more comfortable in and are embracing - awesome!
The picture of the pup is terrific, especially with your backstory ;-)
Peace & love dear friend ... xx, deb
Such a cute puppy!
As a gift to both myself and my husband I cleared some clutter and reorganized our living space recently. I could not believe the amount of peace we felt afterward! It's amazing how small changes can make such a big difference!
P.S. I'm doing a challenge on my blog if you want to be a part of it -
http://laundrynotes.blogspot.com/2009/02/challenge-and-book-giveaway.html