what i know.
squam cabin reflection, 9.14.08
(more about this photo here)
the words from the paul simon song "once upon a time there was an ocean" are continuously swirling through my head. this is a song of my heart (i wrote about it over two years ago here).
these words:
i figure that once upon a time i was an ocean
but now i'm a mountain range
something unstoppable set into motion
nothing's different but
everything's changed
yes. those words.
that is what life after squam is all about for me.
this is what i know.
what i wrote in that last post...about standing in the light and rooted in all i know...those words carried me like gentle golden light as i traveled on a plane across the country...as i dropped fears and what has beens and what might have beens and past hurts like feathers across the country...as i stepped outside after pulling into elizabeth's driveway and felt the trees of new hampshire embrace me as she did.
those trees...
those trees whispered to me all week.
you already know, they said.
you already have the answers.
you already know all you need to know to be in this moment, in this place.
let your heart be open.
do not let the fears of the past close you to all that could be.
yes.
those trees whispered to me all week.
they whispered as i helped (the incredible, amazing) elizabeth and her dear husband t before everyone arrived. they whispered as i embraced old friends and met new ones. they whispered as i remembered the past and faced forward toward the now. they whispered as people shared themselves. they whispered as i painted (yes. me. i painted). they whispered as people saw the best of themselves. they whispered as i saw the best of me.
and the light dappled down between those trees and surrounded me with truth and love.
this is what i know.
the beauty and joy and real-ness and love fest and light and song and play and silliness and nights by the fire that was squam art workshops has pushed me to begin to own who i am, what i know, what i want.
and how blessed i am to be feeling this.
to be seeing this.
to be understanding this.
and now i sit in the quiet.
i sit in all this quiet.
and i remember the laughter and the song and the play and the truth and the deep, wide embraces of it all.
i remember and i push myself to acknowledge that it is part of me now.
even though it seems so far away (you are all so far away) and it is so quiet now, i push myself to honor that it is inside me.
and i turn up the music and listen to my cabinmate sing her wise words.
and i twirl inside all that i know...
all that i have always known...
and i live.
i live.
i live.
this is me
Reader Comments (27)
What a beautiful post. It has brought tears to my eyes. It was such a wonderful experience meeting you and getting to know you at SQUAM. I too hope that our friendship will continue to blossom as time goes on. You are truly an amazing person with such a warm heart and a contagious smile.
I miss sitting around the fire and chatting. It was truly wonderful. Sitting here in the quietness my mind is unsure how to process all the amazing that took place over the course of that weekend.
I wish you the best....with more wonderful things to come!!
I hear the trees whisper as well. They are full of wisdom.
amanda
What gorgeous writing -- I found myself getting lost in it! I wish we could've had more time to chat at Squam. So happy to have found your blog.
Susan
xo
oh, honey! i watched you scurry around, all flustered and flushed with excitement and a tiny bit of pre-sale angst, i watched you sit in solid helpfulness during registration, i watched you walking down the dirt road in all your cute-i-fied gloriness. i watched as all the gals around me (myself included) scurried to purchase your wonderful wares, i watched at you said "why is my voice sounding like this?!", i watched with a grin on my face as you rose, and rose, and rose to newer,even grander heights. i am proud to call you a close, dear friend, and proud to witness the continued blossoming of your great big beautiful heart and shining soul. i love you!!!!! xoxoxoxo
What a wonderful retreat this was for all of you. Very spiritual and refreshing.
It does sound as though life altering might not even sum it up best. My heart is happy that this experience was even more than you had hoped it would be. Welcome home and I hope that you have gotten some good sleep. xo
I love hearing your words grounding you, bringing you home to yourself ... I'm so happy you had this experience! xx, JP/deb
sustain the joy. Beautiful photo of you. Joyous. My heart is wide open. xo
it is quiet here too..... and I'm missing the smell and the crackle of the wonderful fire that stef kept going for the cabin I was in...
I only met you briefly, but saw your smile often....
your words about SQUAM were beautiful....
"something unstoppable set into motion
nothing's different but
everything's changed"
...exactly!
Loved meeting you at Squam (if so briefly)-- loved your energy, your smile, your crafty goodness and your fantastic outfits! :)
Here's to keeping the momentum going!
I love the imagery of you dropping fears like feathers across the country as you travelled... as I sit here at home, happy, energised and also ever so tired, I find myself wishing I had dropped more of those feathers, but they will shed themselves soon. I take a deep breathe and then I take in all your words and images... so terribly beautiful and gently fierce your writing is... I can still hear the NH trees whispering and all the voices swirling around the docks and the cabin porches and the classrooms...
xo the other liz
just lots of smiles over here and happiness for you my beautiful friend ... your words so sure and strong and beautiful, like you, xo
I see you.
All of you! xx
oh. Liz, this is so beautifully put. all of it.
I've been listening to Jonatha and no one else, too.
Thank you for your warmth and lovely self. Just being around you was an inspiration to me.
xoxo
B
beautiful.
you are beautiful.
and your words...
they get to me everytime.
I love the self-portrait, and I am so glad that Squam was so good!!! {{{hugs}}}
dear liz, your words are a warm blanket on me on this chilly , quiet, and beautiful day, thank you.
i am not sure if you will ever know just how much it meant to me when you reached out that one morning, thank you.
i look forward to having more time with you in the future.
wishing you a lovely day, full of peace and love. xo
strong post.
beautiful words.
sigh...
You are a beauty,
& so are all your creations!
Speaking of which--
do I need to place a formal order for my magical custom scarf?
xo
beauty*full, in*spiring, gooey, chewy goodness. thank you for sharing this delicious*ness.
warmly,
gem
Oh WOW, never heard those words from PS before. What gorgeous lyrics and how they do resonate with our experiences at Squam. Beautiful . . . and so are you! Your smile is contagious and so is your easy and encouraging way. Glad to have met you and can't wait to meet again someday!
Amy
What a great post, wish I could get words down as eloquently as you! It was so nice to meet you at Squam, you totally rock!
So great to meet you at Squam, and even better to get to share a cabin with you! You are so lovely, and so incredibly gifted...with words, with fabric, and with a beautiful air of lightness and balance.
Hope to see you again soon,
XOXO
Amy
i haven't taken off my apron yet
I AM this lovely wrap
love to you sweet Liz
xox - eb.
oh yes, me too. My heart is still overflowing. And I'm still smitten with your ART. It really did feel like Home. Life is better now....for knowing all the squam sirens!!
xoxo
Jonatha