dear universe:
i think you already know that i do the best i can. even when the best i can is not that great, it is still the best i can do. i didn’t rage at you when four loved ones were diagnosed with cancer in one month a two years ago. i didn’t rage at you when i sat at the dining room table staring at the phone after the vet told me traveler had cancer and became the fifth loved one. i didn’t rage at you when, even though we put him through chemo and got into debt and prayed and prayed that he would get better, traveler died less than three months after his diagnosis. i didn’t rage at you when my grandmother got sick and the doctors couldn’t diagnose her. i didn’t rage at you when she died the day before i was supposed to visit her. i didn’t rage at you when my good friend lost her husband who had also been my dear friend. i didn’t rage at you when all this was happening when i had just moved all the way across from the country from my family and i didn’t know anyone and i didn’t have full-time work. i didn’t rage at you when i felt sad, misunderstood, and confused. i didn’t rage at you when things didn’t meet my expectations. i didn’t rage at you when other people hurt my feelings. i didn’t rage at you when i hurt others. i didn’t rage at you when i found myself suddenly sick and scared. i didn’t rage at you when the doctor told me it might be cancer. i didn’t rage at you when i had the icky procedure that scared me. i didn’t rage at you when we couldn’t go and see my family for Thanksgiving because of that procedure. i didn’t rage at you when other people in my life were diagnosed with cancer. i didn’t rage at you when we couldn’t see our family for Christmas because of the snow in Colorado. i didn’t rage at you when both my computers died. i didn’t rage at you when life just generally felt sucky.
nope.
i either raged at me or just felt sad.
over the last few years, especially in the last few months, i am trying to shift my way of looking at things for real this time. i am trying to seek out the good stuff and not be so negative. i know that i am changing and growing into someone i want to be. and i think that you might have taken the time to notice that. but even if you don’t notice, i am going to do it anyway.
but yesterday, yesterday was the last straw as they say. yesterday, i lost my superhero bracelet. the one i have been wearing every single day for a year. the one i don’t take off. ever. not ever. ever. yesterday, i lost it. i have looked everywhere in, around, and inside my car and house. i even drove 25 miles back to the mall where i think i lost it yesterday. i even walked all around the parking lot looking for it and talked to the lost and found and went to Nordstrom and looked in their lost and found.
so universe, here is the deal. if someone needed it more than me. if someone found it and saw it and its beauty and super special powers. okay. i get it. that is great. but still, i am just a little over this “liz will be fine” shit. i am a little over this “liz can handle it” shit. yep.
so if you could show me where it might be, that would be great.
otherwise, let in some light okay.
it is getting dark in here.
sincere regards,
liz
it is what it is
Reader Comments (27)
Oh baby I hope you find it.
Man that blows.
Hugs and love
you don't know me and i know it wouldn't be nearly the same as the one you lost but i can send you mine - i bought the same bracelet a few months ago for myself and a friend. Andrea's website was my first introduction into the world of blogging. i following a comment on one of her posts to Boho's site and so on. your website is always a pleasure to read and i would be happy to gift you my bracelet as a thank you.
BUT i hope the universe shows you where yours is at.
take care,
amy
best wishes,
amy
I consulted the Universe and it told me that this simply means that there is a better and far more powerful bracelet waiting for you, anywhere and at any price. All you need to do is believe.
Never rage at you. Please.
xoxo
at least you have me.
;)
*big, naughty, cheesy, ridiculous grin*
i shall play billionaire with you and wear my turquoise cowgirl hat and we shall MAKE some superhero bracelets together... YES! we shall go to bead street and find all our own colours and knit them together with love... and say TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! we got our own DANCING PLANS! HA HA HA!
and then we shall eat chocolate icecreams and SKIP and shake our fists at the sky in a very badly co-ordinated rain dance.
HA HA HA! TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! LIZONIE RULE!!!!!!
at least you have me.
;)
*big, naughty, cheesy, ridiculous grin*
i shall play billionaire with you and wear my turquoise cowgirl hat and we shall MAKE some superhero bracelets together... YES! we shall go to bead street and find all our own colours and knit them together with love... and say TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! we got our own DANCING PLANS! HA HA HA!
and then we shall eat chocolate icecreams and SKIP and shake our fists at the sky in a very badly co-ordinated rain dance.
HA HA HA! TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! LIZONIE RULE!!!!!!
at least you have me.
;)
*big, naughty, cheesy, ridiculous grin*
i shall play billionaire with you and wear my turquoise cowgirl hat and we shall MAKE some superhero bracelets together... YES! we shall go to bead street and find all our own colours and knit them together with love... and say TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! we got our own DANCING PLANS! HA HA HA!
and then we shall eat chocolate icecreams and SKIP and shake our fists at the sky in a very badly co-ordinated rain dance.
HA HA HA! TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! LIZONIE RULE!!!!!!
I just wanted to say that I HAVE noticed your positivity, and for this reason your blog is linked on mine. At first it intimidated me, since it is hardly mainstream to be positive. Now I am so glad to have the chance to keep up on your efforts. You inspire me!
It sounds like you still have your bracelet, as you are likely thinking of little else. What an extraordinary compliment to superhero! Maybe she will give you a new one before you can find the old...you never know;-)
Take care, and thanks for sharing in general. And I wish you luck finding the bracelet.
how f**king annoying! i feel your pain love, i really do xo
Oh, Liz... how awful. After all you have been through, you have the right to let it just rip! Poor thing... I'll get my mom to pray to St. Anthony for you- he is the patron saint of lost things and she really believes in his power. He's found lots of lost things for her...
No worries, Liz...
You have been through too much!
i am sorry.
that sucks about your bracelet. I really hope you find it,..... maybe someone else did find it and loves it just as much as you, or maybe they found it and it is the best thing that happened to them...and one day you will see them wearing it and meet someone that was waiting to come into your life... ;-) i am trying to be positive on the very dreary morning in January.
much love to you! xo
Oh Liz! Your bracelet! I have to admit I started chuckling when I got to that part; all the rage you'd been keeping in, all the terrible things of the past few years building up -- the heaviness of it all. And that's what gets you! ha ha! The GOOD news is you can get another one. I mean, I think you can. Also, yay to your brother's CD! Woo-hoo!
oh i'm sorry liz, i really am. and here's to hoping your bracelet somehow gets found again.
I love the part of this post where you tell the universe that evene if the universe isn't noticing the changes in you, the process of growing into the person you want to be that YOU are going to do it anyway.
Go Liz!
I love that comment by Leonie - please let her take you for chocolate icecream and bracelet making! If I were nearer I would be begging to come do it myself.
Gaaah, that sucks! Is there anyplace in the mall you could pin up a photo of it, asking whoever found it to return it to you?
I hope it finds its way back to you, but if that doesn't happen I hope something equally beautiful and meaningful comes into your life, very, very soon.
Hello...you don't know me, but somehow I found your blog from someone else's page, loved what I read, and bookmarked it. Now I check in with you a few times a week. We are so much alike...I read your words of wisdom with comfort, and I truly get to "be present, be here" when I read your words. My favorite books are Thich Nhat Hanh. He is a master of "be here now" philosophy. Anyway, that's a side note; mainly, I wanted to say I hope you find your bracelet. Thank you for what you share with all of us on your blog.
Christine, 41
Charleston, WV
I hope the Universe will give it back to you, or show you the meaning behind its disappearance.
Sending lots of hugs,
Sophie
I'm not someone who gets very attached to material things. I've given away and left behind and sold enough possessions to last three lifetimes. But there've been a handful of things...lost...that tugged hard at me...and most of them were pieces of jewelry. Not because they were expensive or exquisite...but because they represented me...to ME. I feel your loss. And can only think to say this: Somoetimes the universe sends me reeling with a powerfully strong message to LET GO when I've been holding on...to something. Hugs. xoxo
Ah, the final straw. I hope losing the bracelet allows you to rage and grieve and let it all out. And then I hope you find it and are enveloped in comfort and love. xoxoxo
Unlike losing people, material objects, even magical ones, can always be replaced. Score one for capitalism!
Oh honey, the Universe doesn't want you to handle it. The Universe wants you to give it back, where it belongs, to the Universe.
It is SO HARD when shit happens and then keeps happening.
Maybe a good rage would let some of the darkness out, make room for more light?
(If I'm out of line, please ignore!)
I bet your superhero bracelet turns up.
{{{HUGS}}}
Sorry about your bracelet, but I think you're already a superhero. Meanwhile, I'm so excited about your brother's CD! You have such a creative family.
I'm struggling with this whole "universe" idea and I cannot help but think, " Ok God, she's mad at you." I am sure He's ok with you being angry too because life is full of suffering and to pretend it's all good is just to put up a front...
Someone already said this, but maybe it is simply your time to rage, to cry, to be angry and not worry about offending anyone, especially God or the universe. In your search for truth and for a voice I think this situation may simply be a catalyst for expressing those emotions that have been pushed down and tucked away.
I am sorry about your bracelet. I have lost jewelry that I loved and felt sick about it. When I read about your bracelet my heart went out to you. I am sure that you will get another, even if your original is not found. Hey, maybe a new one is actually in order - to celebrate how far you have come and how much you have grown. You really have overcome my friend!
oh girlfriend i'm so sorry. i know how much you love that braclet and how much it means to you. i'm so sorry...
and you know what...maybe i'm wrong but it think it's time you rage at the universe a little bit...the universe is so big and so abundant that it can take anything you can dish out...even rage...
oh.my.god.
i just saw that my comment posted three freaking times.
now you have three cheesy "at least you have me's"
oh dear.
time for a *gigglesnort* me thinks...
looking forward to connecting with you soon darling...
love
xoxo
leonie
HOlee Fuck!!
I can't remember how I found you~but, I am sO Glad I did.
due to my family crossing boundaries of mine....blah blah....my blog is now *invite only*. Which sux, cuz that means you + others can't have a gander at it when evah U want to.
Thanks for your Authenticity!
Can't get enough of Auth. ppl.+++