something unstoppable
I am editing (in bed...because I work from home...and I can...and it is chilly today and I like being under the covers) and listening to my new nano. Paul Simon is singing the songs from his new album. I close my eyes and pretend for a moment that he is sitting on a chair with his guitar, right here in my room, singing:
If you leap awake
In the mirror of a bad dream
And for a fraction of a second
You can't remember where you are
Just open your window
And follow your memory upstream
To the meadow in the mountain
Where we counted every falling star
I have been listening to these words since I heard him sing them on the Academy Awards in 2003. Then I bought this soundtrack. And during the first 40 or so times I listened to these next words, I cried.
I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you
Something about this song...my heart feels grief, hope, joy at the same time.
And then Paul begins a new tune, one I am just beginning to feel in my soul. These words...
Once upon a time there was an ocean
But now it's a mountain range
Something unstoppable set into motion
Nothing is different, but everything's changed
My head bobs to the beat. I feel my shoulders begin to sway from side. Left. Center. Right. Center. Feeling the beat in my heart. My hips begin to move. I sit up away from the pillows piled high behind me. I ask him to start the song again. My fingers begin to snap with the rhythm. My hands rise above my head. Snap. Sway. Snap. Sway. I breathe deeply. Something unstoppable. Snap. Sway. Hips move. Head moves, side to side. Snap. I do not even realize, but I have started to add sound. I do not know the words so I sing to the beat. I feel chills as he surprises me with these lines.
I figure that once upon a time I was an ocean
But now I'm a mountain range
Something unstoppable set into motion
Nothing is different, but everything's changed
And the first tear falls. How did he know? I close my eyes and fold my body forward. Still swaying from side to side. Left. Center. Right. Center. My head comes to the covers of the bed. I take a breath. Something unstoppable. Breathe. Sway. Left. Center. Right. Center. Breathe.
Nothing is different. I am me. Sitting here. Working. Breathing. A woman, daughter, wife, lover, friend. Feeling my body's rhythm through music. Feeling my beat as I breathe. I love words, singing, lilies of the valley, blue, twirly skirts, the touch of my husband, and peanut butter on bananas. I wear the same favorite pair of pajama pants to bed, have the same best friend, still love to watch reruns of MASH.
Something unstoppable set into motion. Life. This is the part you cannot anticipate. Life happens. It just moves forward. All the time. With every breath, second, sigh, laugh, tear. Life moves you forward.
Everything's changed. My heart has been broken. Though I thought I knew pain, I thought I knew, on a day in April in 2005, life handed me something else. And the echo of this moment will reverberate through me forever. I can be laying in savasana at the end of a yoga practice far away from all I know. And I can drift into that place of calm and quiet. For a moment I forget I know this pain and nothing is different. But the mind knows what the heart wants to forget, and I am forced to remember. The tears fall. But then today. These words, a different reminder. Through the pain, through the momentum of living in my life, I have found myself.
Something unstoppable set into motion. My shoulders sway from side to side. My arms lift above me. Snap. Sway. Left. Center. Right. Center. Hips move to the left then right. As the rhythm finds me, the words twirl into my heart.
Thank you Paul.
(The first song mentioned above is "Father and Daughter." The second, "Once Upon a Time There Was an Ocean." Both can be found on his new CD. iTunes. It's a beautiful thing.)
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (11)
it's always in savasana for me too. the tears well up for me and it's a visceral reaction, organic in the way it comes so suddenly.
um....my word verification is unrot.
oh, i'm so glad you're listening to that album....i've been OBSESSED with "father and daughter" over the last few weeks!!!!! i LOVE that song!!!!! (and so does my girl) it may be my favorite paul simon song ever....his voice has hardly changed over the years...so glad someone else has discovered it.....
When I hear that someone has a job where they can work from home, in their own BED no less!, I just ache with envy. wow! I love this post and it put me in touch with how much music used to be a part of my life, and I don't know what happen! I don't even listen to my CDs all that much lately. I really want to hear Paul Simon now. It sounds wonderful! Next time you come visit lets have a music component of our visit and bring all your favorite songs.
"Through the momentum of living in my life, I have found myself." Beautiful and true thank God. (And I'm glad you liked Cookie Pimp!!) p.s. I am so enjoying the sculpture. I still haven't put up a post about you and it because I need to have new photos developed to go along with it, but its coming indeed!)
I love the rythym of this, it just dances and twirls.
Snap. Sway. Left. Center. Right. Center.
While I believe you found yourself, I doubt you were ever lost.
Snap. Sway. Left. Center. Right. Center.
The father and daughter song was first in a nikolodean cartoon movie I saw with my daughter a few year's past..i think the wild thornberies??? I had tears running down my cheeks, morning never hearing those words..and greatful she has... when she leaned in and said.. "that part with the eephants was sad, mom...Huh?" Wiping my I eyes I agreed, and thanked god for giving her small worries...
Great post...
Wendy
That's a beautiful post. But iTunes sucks. Mostly because we can't actually buy anything in New Zealand - can't even get the free ones, without a US issued credit card and postal address.
Actually iTunes doesn't suck. It's the record companies who created this situation who suck.
I would never get any work done if I worked from home
those are beautiful lyrics. thank you for sharing.
bravo! letting pain, grief, all the complicated emotions and experiences of life lead you to yourself instead of letting it close your heart. bravo!
I felt myself sort of hunker down-settle in as I started to read this post-I felt serious and focused. As you started swaying and snapping-I started smiling-at times I felt like crying....I am so amazed the connection I feel to the words you write...the longings, the grief, the love, the sameness hand in hand with growth-I cherish you....I cherish your life and your experiences and that you share them here.
Lots of love hugs and kisses
I feel like I know you so well...and we have yet to exchange a real conversation, I guess that is the beauty of this blog world. Needless to say, I am really looking forward to meeting someday!!!
Your post is BEAUTIFUL, and I have lost myself in so many songs...always wondering how someone else could have known exactly what I was feeling and then put it to music. sigh!