a transition
in the last couple of weeks, i have jettisoned from the blogger closet. no longer anonymous. when i first started this blog, i wasn't sure if i would share it with anyone but my husband. i didn't expect that anyone would really read it. i think a lot of us start that way don't we? my posts felt so anonymous. who would ever read these words? but i started leaving comments at the blogs i had been reading for several months. then michelle stopped by. my very first comment (thank you michelle). and then she stopped by again. and then a few others stopped by and left their comments. and suddenly people i had never met were reading the words i put out there into the universe every day.
i shared the link with a few people in my "real" life. people i felt would not judge. (or thought wouldn't. one friend shocked me with his words about how simple and trite my thoughts seemed.) no one from my real life really let me know if they were reading. and that was okay. and because of that, i still felt very anonymous.
a few weeks ago, i realized that i felt a bit of a disconnect between my day to day life and the fact that writing here has become so important to me. i wanted to share this aspect of my journey with the people who have known me for a while. i began to share the link to this little page out here in cyberspace with more friends. and also my mom. i am no longer anonymous. i have no control over who is reading my blog, what they will think. so now i feel like i am in a bit of a transition period. trying not to censor myself, and i don't think i am, and letting go of the worries of this decision. letting my blog world and my real world become, simply, my world.
i have, though, been thinking about the questions my friends and family may have about this blog medium. and why i do this. why i come to this blank page almost every day and share thoughts, ideas, silliness, sadness...so here is a little q & a for you...
Why did I start this blog?
last summer i attended a retreat and through an exercise at the retreat, i ended up writing about what my work is/what i want it to be. i wrote more about this here. part of what i wrote was this: my work is to create peace around me and to write about true things, feelings, and moments so that others will know they are not alone.
i had no idea how i was going to do this. all i knew was that i wanted to write and share. i had been reading several blogs for a few months, but it didn't even cross my mind to start my own. and then one day it did. and this hope became a reality. this is why i read blogs; this is why i have one. this journey through life is difficult and beautiful and crazy and hard. and it is nice to know that there are other people out there, all over the world, doing the best they can just like me. they are pursuing dreams they had forgotten about. finding their true selves. finding a spiritual path. creating, writing, painting, dancing, drawing. raising children. helping others. learning how to love themselves. finding laughter in the midst of grief. reconnecting with the person they once were. doing the best they can. and to be able to connect with them...well, that is just a miracle really.
Am I going to mention my friends and family on my blog?
again, the anonymity piece. when i first started writing here, i didn't think friends or family would see this blog. then i thought i might have a rule where i wouldn't mention them unless i asked first. now i feel this way: this is not a place where i will vent or make fun or purposefully cause another pain. this is not be my intention. i will not share the secrets of others, only my own. because my journey involves my friends and family, they may come up (and if you have been reading for a while, you know i have posted about my family). if i share about you it is because you are a part of my life and i love you. it is that simple. but this may mean that i share my struggles sometimes. i won't be posting specifics, no one will be able to "find you" through my blog (unless they already know you).
How do comments work?
ahhh...comments. yes. the ultimate exercise for the ego. comments are wonderful. thank you thank you thank you for the comments. however, the ego sometimes becomes a bit too involved. the "guess what? 20 comments today!" ego. if you feel moved to leave a comment, i appreciate it because then i know you are out there in your corner of the world, visiting me in mine. but don't feel pressure to leave one. i sometimes get wrapped up in "oh no, i did not visit all the blogs i read today/this weekend/this week. are they going to hate me because i didn't comment? will they not come back to visit me if i miss a week?" i am learning to let that go. please let it go too.
and if you have been stopping by here every now and then for a while you might wonder: Am I really still reading the summer of the great-grandmother?
ok no. i wish i was. i had to turn it back into the library when i was halfway through it. yes, i know it has been up there on the sidebar for two months. i want to be reading it, that is why it is there. i will try to do a better job of posting the current books i am reading. especially since i have read several since then.
Are there any other questions floating around out there? If yes, leave me a comment (hee, hee) and I will answer them. Thanks for stopping by my friends...from both worlds...thank you.
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (18)
Today, here with me, I want you to know that your writing about true things made me feel less alone. I so appreciated your invitation to let go of the ego when it comes to comments.
And so it is with smile and a dose of irony that I post this comment and thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog, hehe. I'm really glad to have connected.
bridging the disconnect between worlds-- a very healthy thing to do!
I came upon your journal through some other journal but I cannot tell you right now whose journal that was. I rarely comment anymore because I have gotten caught up in the comment "job" before and what I learned is that while there is such a wonderful high getting feedback, I know that what happened to me was that I started to write for an audience instead of writing from my heart. The more comments I received, the more obligated I felt to return the comment--even when I had nothing interesting or meaningful to say.
I left my old blogging site because of that and also because of some harassers which is another drawback when you become widely read--haters come out of the woodwork.
I do have a journal on typepad but it is password protected to keep the nuts at bay. If you would like to read it (and not feel obligated to comment), email me.
A very nice summary of your journey and the blogging world. I am glad to have found you, through Christina's postcard swap I think? and read regularly. My family and friends have known about my blog since the beginning, so I never transitioned like you are. I too find the sense of community hard to explain, but it is there and is an important reason why I do this.
I think it is great that your two worlds are meeting. My sister insisted that I start a blog so we could share our training regimes. But my blog has evolved into so much more than that. And there is a wonderful sense of community. I enjoy reading your insights and will continue to visit often.
thank you all for your kind words...
Karen - with blogger, we don't always have email addresses attached to the comments, so i am not sure how to get in touch with you. could you email me? so i can connect with you...
I too thought that none of my family and friends would pay much attention to my blog...untrue...some were quite surprised at my thoughts...some were not so forgiving. A person choses to see what they want to believe. I tend to not read between the lines at blogs. I take them as they come. Yours in a wonderful place to visit. Thank you for visiting mine!
Hey Liz -- great to read parallel thoughts. Seems like most of the women I've met so recently have gone through a lot of the same feelings -- I never really thought about the anonymity thing in the same way. There's a link to my "journal" from my "professional" website so right away I drew a line for myself and new I wouldn't write about things I wouldn't want potential clients or readers or whoever to know. Now at times I feel an urge to start a more anonymous blog in which I can write a little more freely, but who has time for that? In any case, it's been such a cool experience for me getting to know other women who are such kindred spirits! And as for the comments thing, I KNOW! I can't help checking for comments, it's a kind of mania, but already, after just a few weeks, I feel myself mellowing out about it. It IS really neat to know people are reading, though.
Worlds colliding....I was anonymous (from everyone incl. my husband) until very recently. I first told my sister this summer when visiting, simply because she saw my blog on her screen, saw the history of where I've been. Still didn't tell my husband ~ not until this Fall when we were driving up to meet a blogging friend. I still haven't told my dad and very few friends know as well. I like it this way. I write in my blog somewhat like a journal and because of that I don't give away the identity of my family, only a few blogging friends have seen what my family looks like.
I for one am really glad you've started this journey Liz, and am so glad to have virtually met you and hoping this summer that it becomes reality!
ahhhh...
i kind of went the opposite...
at first when i started my blog
i did give out the address to a few
people...
but
gradually, i decided
i didn't want anyone i knew to read
what i was writing, not because
i say anything about anybody generally
but because i don't want to second
guess what i am writing
and i find it easier to do that
without knowing who my audience
may or may not consist of...
the people i originally gave it to
no longer have it as far as i know
so for now
i am quietly anonymous
but i applaud your decision.
i think its a different choice/reaction/feeling for each person...
oh...my husband and children
do know about it and could easily
read it but for the most part
do not, unless i have written
something i think is particularly
witty
and want to show off hahahaha...
:)
LE, I'm still keeping the anonymity thing, but that's a long explination for another time. Put I'm pulled to let down the curtain, you know? It's been so amazing to me the way we actually find kindred spirits here and how it seems so much easier than finding them face to face.
What I think was truly truly TRULY brave was sharing your blog with the people you already know. Only hubby and one old, old friend have been to my blog. I guess I'm afraid to let the people I know in "real life" know too much. So glad you share each day ... happy weekend!
I am certainly glad you are blogging!
I'm so glad you're sharing this because it's SUCH a beautiful, wonderful, remarkable side of you! I'm sure the "other" side out in the real world is too, but it's nice to know you'll feel like people have access to the complete you. It's difficult. I know that I very casually give access to my blog (including anyone who has my screen name on AIM) so I have no idea how many "real life" people are reading except for those who tell me they are. Sometimes it's limiting and nerve wracking to realize they are things you might share with strangers, but aren't prepared to share with people you see. The things is, when you do share them, it's so much more rewarding. You've taken such a brave step. I'm so proud of your choice to share this!
I like reading your writings. I like reading what you, and others, write about, about the day, about life, and about thoughts. I for one apprecaite your sharing, even on the days I don't leave a comment.
Good post. I still have only a handful of people in my 'real' life who read my blog and truthfully, I wish one of those didn't. And there are some I wish I hadn't shared the URL with (early on...I've been blogging for 2-1/2 years). I try not to think about those people when I blog, because it makes me censor myself. I didn't know blogging would become for me what it has--a place to explore the 'real' me (compared to just writing little "here's what I did today" missives). So I still find that 'real' vs. blog world situation to be a challenge...and feel much more comfortable blogging within the support of the blogging community.
As someone from your "real" life - I am glad you have shared your blog with me. I love reading what you have to say for the day. It gives me a little bit of Liz everyday even though we live so far apart.
It is very interesting to read about how & why you started blogging, and that for a long while you were anonymous, which led you to feeling like your life wasn't in great alignment. It is funny - for me, everyone knows about my website & blog (meaning people I know, friends, family, etc.) but I don't think many of them read it. I know my family doesn't and only a few close friends do. This is fine with me. I actually recently found out my sister reads my blog and I was shocked. I'm not sure how I would feel if I knew my mom read it, my dad, etc. Good for you for following your instincts along the way. I'm glad you started your blog. :)
Hi Liz! The irony of me reading this archived post of your's is so funny. I heard the term "lurker" yesterday in reference to people who read blogs but don't comment. LOL...that is soooo me! I was embarassed that I don't comment more often and give my thoughts and appreciation to these writers that are a huge part of my corporate filled, fluorescent lighted, day in a cubicle. So, here's to you! I'm leaving more comments from now on! :O)