lighting a candle and deciding to really spend thursday with poetry
for healing
for hope
for peace
for light
for space to know
for support
for love
for spirit
for understanding
on tuesday, as the news came about darlene’s son’s accident and my uncle’s diagnosis of cancer, i lit a candle with these intentions. this candle burned throughout the day yesterday.
i light it again this morning.
i turn to my wise friend hafiz who speaks to me through the words of Daniel Ladinsky. I look through a few pages until I find the words that cause me to exclaim aloud, “this is fantastic.”
Good
Poetry
Makes the universe admit a
Secret
“I am
Really just a tambourine,
Grab hold
Play me
Against your warm
Thigh.”
shortly after i wrote tuesday’s post about choosing happiness, i had the opportunity to choose the opposite emotion and the universe continues to provide that opportunity over and over again.
the news of mark’s accident
the news of my uncle’s cancer
and then the following not-on-the-same-level-but-crap-doesn’t-the-universe-understand-that-it-is-the-holidays-at-all? stuff:
my computer, which seems at times to be my best friend as I use it for my job, my hobby, my connection to friends and this community, started to do some odd things (going in to standby mode while I was working for no reason at all). thinking I had backed everything up, my husband and the tech he was on the phone with reimaged my computer. which. means. I. lost. everything. that. wasn’t. backed. up. luckily, this did not include photographs or my writing. but it did include a lot of other stuff. it felt like my husband had picked up my computer and thrown it against the wall. to say I tapped into a feeling the opposite of happiness is an understatement (and the kicker – it didn’t even fix the problem).
yesterday morning, we were supposed to leave for colorado to spend christmas with jon’s parents and grandmother. that’s right, I said colorado. that place where they are having the blizzard. we tried to check-in and the delta kiosk computer said, “see an agent.” we had checked everything the night before but because we had to be there so early, we didn’t check it yesterday morning. we are still at home. bah humbug. our suitcases are still packed (one filled with gifts for them) and millie is still at the kennel in case we do get on a flight today/tomorrow (and i miss her). we expect though to stay here and spend another holiday unexpectedly without family. (did you read Monday’s post where I said I hadn’t decorated at all?) bah humbug. we do love spending the holidays just the two (three with millie of course) of us, but this was the year we were going to see family. with my illness last month and biopsy procedure that happened thanksgiving week, we had to cancel the plans to see my family. and now we may not see jon’s parents.
jon spent time on the phone again yesterday to try to fix the computer. yeah. still going in to standby mode while I am using it (no rhyme or reason to it).
this morning, jon went to drive my vw bug to go to the store to get milk (we had to throw it out when the power went out and I am a milk drinker but we didn’t get any knowing we would be leaving but heck, I want some today), my car would not start. nothing.
and I want to write about how there are so many things I am grateful for. because really, I know, I am so blessed. but right now, all I can muster is to light a candle and get ready to eat a doughnut and drink some milk after jonny gets back from the store. and then i will heed hafiz’s words and spend some time with some poetry…because i need to spend some time outside of myself. outside all the stuff inside my head.
(hafiz poem from the collection in the gift. shared here with permission. visit poetry thursday today to read more poetry and spend time outside yourself.)
poetry
Reader Comments (12)
Here's hoping the blizzard magically clears enough to allow the two of you to take that flight. So sorry to hear about your uncle's cancer. Sounds like staying in (and AWAY from your computer) by that lit candle and reading some poetry is a good thing today. xoxo P.S. And donuts are ALWAYS good. ;)
I'm sorry about Denver and I hope that there's some clearing and you can go. I know you'll make the most of it and you'll find joy but it's alright to feel upset, angry, frustrated and depressed about the things happening in life right now. The poem and also the candle are good. xoxo
"…because i need to spend some time outside of myself. outside all the stuff inside my head."
Oh, that is such a good statement! More often than not, I think that I need to make the choice to spend some time outside of my own head! Thanks for this reminder that that, too, is something that we can deliberately choose. Not always easy to "escape" from yourself, but definitely a choice. And the poem that you shared is steady with the beat of its own comforting message.
So sorry about your uncle's cancer. Saying a prayer here.
Finally, hoping that you are able to get to Colorado to enjoy the snowy holiday!
Merry Christmas, Liz!
xo
*clink* To Happiness.
Hope you make it to Colorado for CHristmas!
Oh, Liz, I hope that all the crap is over with and the end of the year will be glorious. And whether you go to Denver or stay home, just the three of you, I hope Christmas will be bring happiness.
I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle. There's a strange catching up to reality the brain and heart do with a diagnosis. I hope he's doing well and that treatment will be easier than not.
What a trying week (weekS, MONTHS) you've had. oy. One day, one moment at a time, healing will transpire. I'll say a prayer for your uncle with Darlene's son's tonight.
I am sending my blessings and good wishes, hoping that either your troubles will magically dissipates or a beautiful happening will enter your heart and lighten it.
I am sending best wishes to you this day..dear Liz... in hopes that the holiday spirit may find you... sweep you up in its arms... hold you tight.. and not let go.
Joyeux Noel... my friend... I look forward to our treasured moments together in March!
xo
I recognize that candle, and send more blessings for light, acceptance, strength, mental rest and the soothing balm of Hafiz. You're a beautiful spirit! Much love and peace...
What a lot of disappointments! That situation with Mark is absolutely breaking my heart, and I'm so glad the news seems to be better. I understand car woes during the holidays - at the end of November we had to spend hundreds (and hundreds!) on Husband's car, it made the first weeks of Christmas or any early Christmas shopping not possible. But keep lighting your candles, and being a tambourine. I love that thought.
ahh crap. you have all the reason in the world to have a bad attitude. i think i'd feel the same way. HOWEVER, i hope that things turn around.
keep your chin up, liz! i'm sending you a big hug and lots of warm holiday wishes!!
ps.
i went to starbucks today. guess who i thought of....yes, you!
;)
oh liz ... i can't believe the same thing that happened to me about 6 weeks ago happened to you. I lost my computer. Guess you may have already read somewhere in my blog that i'm limping along sneaking in time here and there on Tim's computer when he brings it home... I lost aLOt of my stuff too, even a bunch of photos, though not all of them. And lots of my writing. I was devastated. Now i'm philosophical. eventually i will be able to save the $ to buy a new computer.
I sure hope you have better luck ... soon! xoxo