SPT 1/10
When I was younger, my relatives and the friends of my parents used to always say, "you look just like your father." I have his eyes, his hair, his coloring. I was quite proud of this. I wanted to be just like him and would sometimes even try to wear his huge size 12 shoes around the house. I identified with him. He was larger than life in my world. In many ways, when I was a child he was my world. When my brother was born, he looked like my mother. It was easy for us to pair off when we did things as a family. Like went with like.
When my parents divorced, the image that I had created of my father was shattered. I didn't want to be like him at all. I was jealous of the relationship my brother had with my mother. I felt alone. I looked like him; I didn't want to be like him.
About six years ago, I came across this picture of my mother and thought it was me. I could see myself in her face, in her cheeks, in her big intake of breath as she smelled the flowers before her. A slight pose for the camera, just like I would have done. A simple photograph reminded me that I am not alone in my family. I am a reflection of my mother too.
I now know I want to be my own person. I want to just look like me. But I cannot let go of the reality that I am like her. There are moments that are difficult and full of misunderstandings and accusations and sadness. Maybe in the future though, we can meet in a place where we take a deep breath, smell the flowers, and see the way that we reflect each other.
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liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (15)
liz--my mom has always told me.. You look just like your dad. I don't. I am her. I am me. You spoke so eloquently. thank you.
I've always been told I look like my dad and I do, I really do. It's part of the reason that I had so many troubles with my own mom, because of that. I love your SPT today!!
Mother and daughter relationships...always complicated. Love what you say about trying to find the common ground in what you reflect to one another. Not always easy...but important. The pictures are great!
Beautiful Liz. This reflects a lot of how I felt and now feel about my father as well. I've never really looked like anyone in my family and know exactly what you mean about wanting to look like them, wanting to be recognized as part of the family. Still, the older I get, the more I am learning that I want to look like me, just as you should look like you. It's amazing how those family patterns work. This is so elequently expressed and I love the pictures!
such complete innocence in those pics....
It's amazing how we can look like one parent at one time in our life, and then transform into a vision of the other parent. Though we don't have much choice about who we look like, we do have power over our actions, our speech, and who we become.
Beautiful post, Liz.
thank you, all of you, for your kind insightful words. at first glance I was annoyed at this SPT topic...not sure why. but it has started another little self-reflection journey for me.
Oh boy oh boy oh BOY, do I identify with this post! I looked just like my Dad when I wss younger. Which would often lead adults to say such clueless things like, "Your mother is so pretty ...(pregnant pause)....you look just like your Dad..." :) Now that I'm middle-aged, it creeps me out to realize that I look more and more like my mother. I don't want to look like either of them! Sometimes I think that's a horrible thought...but it's really just that I want people (who know them) to simply stop telling them that I look like someone else. I just want to look like ME. :)
I was told by a teacher that I looked like my dad did in jr high school, without the beard.
I also told my parents once, that they've been married 30 years without killing each other, and that I'm half my mom and half my dad, and I haven't spontanously combusted. Yet. :)
Isn't that the truth and the very thing I wrote about this week. Everyone always says how much my daughter and I look alike. And she does but she is a completely different person! Great post.
By the way I am delurking as a avid reader. Great Blog, keep up the good work!
excellent liz! this touched my heart because it is MY story too. i was daddy's little girl and then my parents divorced. i still held my dad up on a pedastal and took th divorce out on my mom. i knew she loved me but i felt distant from her. fortunately aging has healed a lot of those wounds. like you, i see myself in both of my parents and i love that but i also am dead set on being my own person. now that i'm a mother that genetic connection means even more to me. there are times i'll glance over at britton or see a picture of him and i can see myself. that's pretty amazing and very humbling. great thoughts here!
Everytime I go home, my Mom ends up looking at me and looking at my grandfather for awhile. It's kind of neat.
OMG...those pictures are just too adorable!!! BEAUTIFUL!!!
I always get slightly annoyed when people tell me who they think my children look like. I don't know why. Perhaps it is because I do want them to be their own person, and I wish for them far more than what I (or their father) are and have... and maybe by comparing appearances, I'm afraid it translates into something deeper? I have no idea if any of that makes sense...?
Lovely post!