happy to be home
Happy to be home. Even though I am sick (again).
Lucky to have such a wonderful husband who takes care of me when I am sick (again).
Relieved that the trip home did not include a cancelled flight and a bus ride like the trip there did.
Thankful to be sleeping. A lot. I do not get enough sleep when I visit family (and I guess I need some emotional, physical rest after a trip to see them).
Grateful to have spent a day with wonderful friends and to have reconnected with someone from long ago.
Excited to have stopped by to see my pre-school teacher, Mrs. Lewis. She still teaches the three year olds, in the same room. Oh that voice. It was like no time had passed. I love that woman.
And blessed, truly blessed, to have had a really great little moment with my father. I have come to a place in my life where I have really been able to separate my expectations/dreams of what my relationship with him could be from the reality. And I am able to see that he does the best he can, even though I know I wish for a deeper relationship with him. Because I have let go of these expectations, I have been able to let go of the moments when he is not such a great father or when he says/does things I don't agree with or support. I know that his behavior is not about me; it is about him. And even more important, in the last two years, I have been able to be present in the moments when he truly is a father. Sunday night when I came back to his house to spend the night, I was starting to get really sick. He had made homemade soup and heated some up for me. I was sitting at his kitchen table, and he brought me a corn muffin to go with the soup. Then without saying anything he sliced it in half and buttered it for me. In that split second, I was a little girl, his little girl, who was sick, and he was doing what he could to help me feel better. I sat there in awe. I can't remember the last time I felt like he was my dad and not just a friend. My daddy. It was truly a blessing to remember.
Happy to be home.
liz lamoreux
Reader Comments (9)
So, you're peeling away the many layers of meaning ... home ... parents ... family. I've really enjoyed reading this series of posts, Liz - about home. your explorations of what that means for you. This post is thoughtful, insightful, sensitive, poignant. You're brave to write your thoughts like this, on the web ... does your family read your blog? I'm curious because I've thought alot about what I write or don't write (in public) not ever knowing for sure who is reading my blog. I'm pretty sure some of my siblings and my mother read my blog occasionally, although they never leave comments. I wish they would - at least then I'd know for sure.
Well, keep up the beautiful writing and I'll be back regularly.
Maureen
Maureen - I don't believe that my family reads my blog. My brother does know about it, but he never mentions if he reads it. I have thought about it a lot, especially because of my posts of late. My hope would be that my parents would see that I am exploring my understanding here and not trying to hurt them. I think they would each be more concerned about people knowing their identity than what I had to say (mom owns her own business, father is a well known attorney in the community).
Maybe some day, months from now, I will share the blog with them. But I am trying to let this be a "safe" place for me to post how I feel without censoring (too much) but without hurting anyone either.
awwww....
the part about slicing the bun
and buttering it for you
brought stinging tears to my eyes...
and how smart you are to
recognize that his behaviour is his
and yours is the only one you
can control...
thats a huge lesson.
This has made me cry, both because it is beautiful, and because I have such a similar relationship with my father. I always want more from him even though I know he cannot provide it for me, and then there are those moments, those simple ordinary moments, that mean everything and will stay with you forever. I'm so happy that you had this, and forever grateful that you shared it with us on your blog. Thank you.
That is so lovely and insightful....REALLY GOOD.
ohhhh hope you are feeling better soon-- lovely essay especially the corn muffin, sigh
~bluepoppy
what a wonderful moment to have with your dad. i'm still working on releasing my expectations and dreams of my dad. it's so hard.
welcome home and hope you're feeling better soon.
Your trip sounds lovely, welcome home and Happy Thanksgiving!!
Sounds like you're getting to a really good place with your Dad...helps that he's giving you a few moments to work with, eh? Lovely post. Hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving...and feel better soon.