during the quiet...i almost...
I almost wrote about how far away I feel from my daily practice. I haven't done yoga in weeks. I haven't meditated or chanted much lately. I hold on to the intention of lighting candles and the ritual of blowing them out and sending blessings to others, and I am thankful for this. Yet, I know I am the most balanced when I have a daily practice that is physical, mental, and spiritual.
I almost wrote about the different ways friendships end. Sometimes people just drift apart, sometimes something "happens," sometimes someone lets you know the friendship is ending, sometimes you are just confused about why, sometimes you decide to set a boundary, sometimes you never understand, sometimes there is no reason at all really, sometimes you just feel sad about it long after it happens…but mostly I wanted to write about how letting go is okay.
I almost wrote about the visual journey I took while receiving a massage a few weeks ago. A journey that involved being underwater with the whales and feeling as though they were nudging me in greeting and telling me that it was okay to just breathe and not fear the water.
I almost wrote about how I am trying to find the balance in blog world of connecting and reaching out and having a life away from the computer.
I almost wrote about how an unexpected root canal brought up the claustrophobia I experienced for the first time last year. And, how I sat there in the dentist's chair and made the choice not to give in to a full-blown freak out moment.
I almost wrote about how sometimes walking away is the only answer.
I almost wrote about how much I wished you hadn’t walked away.
I almost wrote about the paradox of taking the Handmade Pledge but planning to vacation at a place that is perceived as a center of consumerism (even if it is, to me, one of the happiest places on earth).
I almost wrote about finally realizing I have two jobs (editing world and art+craft world) and the challenges this brings at times.
I almost wrote about how there is an expectation that we are to move on from difficult moments and experiences when things are "right" or "not so bad" again. That because it has been a few weeks/months/years or someone is okay or that you don't have cancer or that you are better off without a person and on and on…that because things are "fine" you are to dismiss whatever emotions surfaced when things weren't fine and the echoes of those emotions that live within you.
I almost wrote about how we never really know how our words might hurt another. We never really know that they might be sitting on the other end of the phone or email trying to catch their breath. I almost wrote about trying to catch my breath.
I almost wrote about how much this time of year invites a deep missing in my heart…how sad I am that it seems Disney no longer make the dated ornaments my grandmother bought me every year…how all I really want for Christmas is a pair of soft around the house socks from her to replace one of the last pairs she gave me because they are getting a bit threadbare in places.
I almost wrote about how lately I have been missing the idea of Indiana. The days of living near my parents have long passed. And, today, I almost wrote about how I wished I had paid more attention.
take a breath
Reader Comments (24)
sigh.
i almost know just how you feel, but in my own way.
sending you a big warm hug, hoping it will stay warm by the time it reaches its way to you. xoxo
sigh.
i almost know just how you feel, but in my own way.
sending you a big warm hug, hoping it will stay warm by the time it reaches its way to you. xoxo
that part about friendships...i've been wanting to write about that too. thank you for doing so. xo
amen and thanks for connecting.
I just want to say what a lovely blog you have! I feel the Christmas warmth emanating from it...Love all your recent posts...
Dawn
dblogala.typepad.com
i almost wrote about how i am in such a good place and yet pieces of my heart are strung up in tears and emotional journies and i almost wrote about how easily i am moved right now, sensitive and how tears find themselves on my cheeks and i wonder how they got there ... i almost wrote about how excited i am for a new year of adventures and how loved i feel today and yesterday ...
i'm glad you wrote all these beautiful words today tied in a bright ribbon of thought and emotion and care ...
i touched a whale once, on the ocean, the first time i was out on a boat ... she was a grey momma whale with 2 babies a safe distance away, she lifted her head and looked me gently in the eye and i touched her springy spongy barnacled skin and she seemed to wink before spraying me with ocean water and then she went away. it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life ~ your visual journey reminded me of this and i smile ... thank you.
xoxox
much love
each "almost" is so poinient and heartfelt. i know many of these very same feelings...falling out of practice, friendships waning for whatever reason, balance in blogging, the evolution of things. i am right there with you...almost.
I can relate to just about every one of your Almosts, so I feel right there with you, by your side (so to speak). Maybe because I'm growing older, the friendship one becomes especially hard to deal with, as people's lives change, people move, etc. And, oh the heartbreak over grieving and homesick feelings. Hugs to you!
i found your blog through carla's at zena moon... lovely post liz - i can relate to much of this. have you read the book friendSHIFTS by Jan Yager? very reassuring and helpful for understanding friendships & how/why they change over time and shape our lives. have a wonderful evening :) kelley
You took me on a journey of the "almosts" in my life and then brought me home again. This was a beautiful read.
I can relate to alot of what you said and I want you to know that whatever unkindness you encountered was truly not worthy of you. When someone does that to you, it speaks volumes about them-it has nothing to do with who YOU are. I am sorry your spirit was bruised.
I read your blog every day and I appreciate your willingness to stand up and be who you are. xo
I am so glad that we were able to talk my dear friend...and glad that your heart is happy. Love and hugs.xoxoxo
what a beautiful stream of thought.
I'm visiting you today from Disney, a little break in the most beautiful of hectic weeks.
I almost believed the weather man when he said it would be freezing, but I didn't and had to buy a warm fuzzy fleece Micky coat at a too high price, that I love love!
I almost got on Space Mountain, but instead rode Buzz Light Year 5 times with my nephew during late extended hours.
I almost saw the Christmas Parade at the Very Merry Christmas Party, but was having too much fun with my beautiful neice seeing Small World, Pooh, Snow White and Peter Pan.
I love being with family, but it almost makes me crazy!
Tee hee
Thanks for the fun!
thank you for all the almost writings... some of the chaos inside quieted a bit while reading... your words are always so very, just So very.
your post is so filled with love
and I know exactly about those
socks as my Grandmother made me
sweaters and mittens:)
(hugs)
i am so glad you shared
this post of almosts...
your words always leave me thinking.
the "almosts" really hit home.
i would love to have a pair of the elf slippers my grandma melba used to make us. they looked so funny on our feet, but how i loved them and her.
what a spirit you are.
I almost wrote...
but couldn't. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Or never.
Thanks for the trigger. I have been thinking about "I almost wrote..." for 24 hours. Your writing inspires me.
Big warm hug to you, sweet Liz
Joyce
i've almost commented on this post countless times, but instead i've just been sitting with your beautiful words for these past few days.
today, i want to thank you for opening your gentle heart and trusting us with a glimpse inside.
xoxoxo
Merry Christmas, dear Liz!
I remembered the handmade flannel nightgowns that my grandmother made for me, hand-stitched hems, and french seams. I wore the last one until it was in rags...
I believe that our memories bring our dear ones close to us.
wishing you peace and joy,
xoxo,
Gwen
wow. so powerful. no comment can express how your post moved me.
*
i connected with what you said liz, seeing and feeling both sides of the coin...this time of year brings up so much it seems. wishing you a warm and joyous holiday, my gentle spirited friend.
xo
Lovely...and powerful.
Thank you for this post, so many things that resonated with me too. My gran knit me socks too that are worn down and I miss her so much still, after 7 years. I've been wondering lots about friendships and what happens, what it is that is important to me about NOT doing my daily practice and how I could honour that but still do what I need and about being allowed to have emotions long after the need is expected by others to be filled. So many more things too, things you made me think about. Thank you, xoxo