thoughts of a foggy, sleepy mind

road to sunrise at mt. rainier, 19 august 2007

I am up early. Too many thoughts whirling, whirling in my head to allow sleep in. Although my eyes are tired and my mind a bit fuzzy, it feels like a blessing to have this time as dawn begins to stretch. The rain is falling with a fierce need to water our world. It splats on the roof with drips and drops. It is my companion as I wrestle with melancholy and sleepiness and hope and hunger. It seems to lack rhythm in its ferocity. But, if you stop typing, thinking, fearing, whirling for a moment, you can hear its tempo. I can hear its tempo. For a moment I consider walking outside and standing in it. My clothing would quickly stick to me; my shirt transparent and clinging. My long hair would plaster to me; my feet would sink into mud. As reality reminds, I know I would become quite cold. Not the best idea when you need to get back to bed for a few more hours sleep to prevent illness and crabbiness and general fogging of the mind. A welcome idea all the same. A quiet, welcome idea. Maybe it is the earth mermaid in me singing her song. Yesterday, someone googled gypsy girl walking a tight rope and arrived at my blog. I love that. Of course, I hadn't yet written those words together as google does what google does and takes people places they do or do not want to find themselves. Still, I find it amusing and healing to read those words together and think about a connection to this sleepy, foggy person who is me. I imagine myself in a patchwork skirt, white peasant shirt with poofy sleeves, a charm bracelet on one arm and bangles on the other, three rings on my right hand and two on my left — silver and turquoise and amethyst, strings of pink and green and blue and yellow beads around my neck, orange and white striped over-the-knee socks and little fuchsia pink ballet shoes, standing arms outstretched, high above the world, head forward, eyes soft and determined, putting one foot in front of the other, reminding myself that there is no need to look down.

balm

spending time at barnes and noble with jonny, a big pile of books, and two yummy drinks

watching pride and prejudice and giggling

watching the last hour of walk the line and smiling with delight as june finally says yes

stroking millie's forehead

packaging up a new anya tote to send across the country to a new customer

opening up some new bits for flags from speckled egg

my mother's patience as we talked today and her ideas as we brainstorm what we are going to make when she comes to visit and her encouragement to always make the things that i enjoy making instead of getting caught up in a need to "make money"

my father calling to say "how are you?" and then listening when i burst into tears

walt whitman's leaves of grass

knowing that to open one's heart is to live

knowing i will soon fall asleep with my head on my husband's chest

seeing

We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
— Anaïs Nin

"Fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air."

i am up way too late for many reasons. life reasons i suppose.

but, because i am and because i happened to have the tv on, even though it was muted, but because i happened to have it on CBS, i was given the gift of a little segment about tom snyder on the late late show as it signed off tonight.

i used to watch him in college when i lived alone in my little apartment. i would stay up way too late and study or read or talk on the phone, and then i would curl up on the couch with daniel the cat and watch tom snyder interview someone in his smart and funny way. i loved how it was just him and the guest and the audience consisting of the crew and the producer. when someone said something funny, you would sometimes hear the cameraman crack up.

even though i might have been one of the only 20 year olds watching him, tom snyder invited me to feel just a little less lonely in the middle of the night.

i think it was because he would talk right to the screen, right to the audience through the television during the first few minutes of the show. just like mr. rogers. yes, i think that must have been why i felt such a kinship with him. he was my college-years version of mr. rogers.

he died sunday.

many blessings to him and those he left behind.

a photo, a tag

Andrea issued a photography challenge today: Photograph someone in a glass of water.

Well, Millie does not like it when things block my face - like a glass or the camera - but I finally captured her here:

(And, in case you need a reminder of how super cute she is when she isn't behind glass, click here to see another photo I snapped of her today.)

A couple of weeks ago, Pepek tagged me with the "eight random things" tag and then Kelly Rae tagged me with the same one earlier this month, so I am finally getting around to sharing some answers:

1) I really love the Little House on the Prairie era in books and movies. When I was in grade school, I read all of Janette Oak's Love Comes Softly series and I still read them all every five years or so. I also loved the Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea movies that were on PBS when I was younger. I used to pretend I lived in the "olden days" when I would bake cookies and wear aprons and my long prairie skirts. I spent a lot of time alone and I pretended this for a long time…until I was older than I care to admit. I started thinking about this again because I stumbled upon a huge stash of calico and floral prints at our local thrift shop and bought all of it for $15. There is a lot, I mean a lot, of fabric in this stash. I have been thinking about making some Anne of Green Gables/Little House on the Prairie inspired aprons.

2) I tend to stay in my pajamas for most of the day. I suppose I have mentioned this several times before, but I love that I can do this. You see, I used to say that my ideal job would be one where I didn't have to ever wear a suit or dress shoes or nylons and I could wear pajamas. I even dreamed of opening up a store that sells pajamas, called pj bottoms (and tops), where all the employees would be required to wear pajamas. How great would that be? Well, I pretty much get to wear pajamas all the time. It is fantastic.

3) Often when I am leading one of my yoga classes in meditation, I begin to feel as though I am just my voice and my body is no longer there.

4) When I was eleven or so, I thought that Joe Fredrick, a Notre Dame basketball player, was going to see me in the crowd after a game and find me so beautiful that he would wait for me to get older so we could date. Yep. When my girlfriends at the time were in love with the boys on the cover of Tiger Beat, I was obsessed with the boys of the Notre Dame basketball team. I knew all their birthdays and middle names and heights and on and on. The funny thing is that later when I was much older (aka, a teenager), I would roll my eyes at myself and my obsession with someone so much older than me, and little did I know when I was rolling those eyes that I would marry someone the same age as Joe Fredrick.

5) I don't miss much about Indiana (where I lived for most of my life until we moved out here). When people ask me what I miss, I have a really hard time coming up with something. I don't think is because there is anything wrong with Indiana. The people are wonderful there. I think it is more because I love living out here in the Pacific Northwest. It is home. (I do miss driving past the ever-growing corn fields in the summer. Yes. I miss that gorgeous green color.)

6) Sometimes looking at all the amazing craftsy+artsy blogs out there invites me to feel overwhelmed as though I could suffocate in all that I am lacking. I am learning to let go of the need to compare (learning being the key word here).

7) I was never really much a dog person. I liked dogs but tended to be overwhelmed by some of them. A little over six years ago, there was a golden retriever lost on campus when I worked at the boarding school, and I took it home in the hopes of finding its owners. I fell in love with that dog. A few days later, his owners did find him, and I was heartbroken. At that moment, I decided I wanted to rescue a golden and within a few weeks, I was off to Tennessee to rescue Traveler. Now, I can't imagine our house without the little patter of puppy toes (and by puppy, I mean "adult housetrained overall mellow dog"). Jon and I are pretty much dog people and when we are out and about, we are often on "pooch patrol" as we look for dogs who are out with their people.

8) I love tap dancing. When I see it on TV, I just want to get up and start tapping away. I have been known, if wearing certain shoes and on a certain type of floor, to just suddenly start tap dancing without even noticing I am doing it. I took tap from first to eighth grade. I loved it. And, I think about taking lessons again…or at least buying some tap shoes and tapping away in the garage.

(If you haven't done this tag yet, and want to share some random facts about yourself, please tag yourself and let me know...and I want to know those details!)