scenes from the day...

sometimes i actually put my pj's (or in this case the ones i stole from my husband) back on after i shower

my view as i drove my vw bug to yoga

before class begins

taking out the dog; she sniffs the tomatoes still on the vine (in October!)

lunch. i remembered to eat around 2:30 - it is easy to forget this part of the day

checked out the last few flowers in the garden

millie eats her dinner - inhales it really

the day was crazy for both of us; that means thai take-out!

tired, stop working, ready to close down, time for bed...

empty

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." Benjamin Disraeli

I am feeling judged today. Strong words that bring up stuff. All that stuff. To be thankful for the opportunity to look at it - not so much today. I am tired. The rain falls outside. Gray, northwest autumn weather. I miss my grandmother. I want to call her. I feel empty.

When we let someone know how we feel about something, even when we are not asked, do we always need to reflect on the possibility that they may feel hurt? I think so, but I know I don't always do this. (And I see myself so concerned about placing blame on another outside myself. I have to own this observation first because I don't want to say "people do this to me all the time and it sucks.") When I have a relationship with someone, at whatever level that relationship is, I want that person to be who they are - real, honest, open - that is what this journey seems to be about. The moments of truth you have with another person. Can we have interchanges filled with truth?

Do we only know the surface of another person? Do we get past that surface? Do we let other people see inside to all the icky stuff - the guts of who we are? What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of? Only a small handful (child's hand) know who I am. Even they don't completely know me. Are we ready to see the guts of another person? What would happen if we let them in? Can we dive underneath that surface? Let someone do the same with us? Quiet the mind enough to feel safe with another person, allow uncensored thoughts to be shared. We can try. Not today. Time for a nap I think.

patience hides

I have been doing some reading in preparation for writing the content of my new website (for my yoga teaching business). I am always intrigued by the way the universe hands you exactly what you need, though you have to be open and quiet to notice sometimes. Some of this reading has been about having patience for yourself and others and having the courage to ask for what you need - letting this be part of your yoga practice off the mat. And in my life in the last day, I have had some moments where patience seems to have hidden under the bed just out of reach. And in losing this patience, I have lost empathy for another and courage to say what I need in the midst of a challenging moment. My mind becomes too cluttered with "the stuff" that comes up in a moment of anger or disappointment. Yet, these moments pass. Thank goodness. And the universe handed me a call from my dear friend who listened so I could let some of the stuff go. Then once again, I can recognize the love that sits in the room in the midst of the challenging moments.

(photo: beach in Pt. Townsend, WA, 2/5/05, canon rebel)

the mind ebbs and flows

This morning I taught a free yoga class (at union yoga center, the studio where I teach some classes). Such a great way to start the weekend. Inviting the students to breathe and let go of the mind.

How do we let go of the mind though? Even in our calmest moments this is not easy. A very foreign concept to our bodies and minds. To dwell in the body, in the breath, without grabbing onto any and all thoughts. I struggle with this all the time. However, I notice that when I allow myself the space to try to let go, even if only for a few seconds, life seems...well...it is as though I am actually in my body living my life as opposed to being in my head and letting life happen. By letting go of the control, I feel more in control. Letting go of self-judgement; quieting the inner critic.

I recently picked up a copy of ascent (a yoga magazine published in canada). Inside there is a wonderful cartoon that illustrates scenes from the Bhagavad Gita - focusing on the yoga of action and the path of knowledge (illustrations by R. Sikoryak). Inviting us to find humor in between the lines of our quest for detachment and freedom. Find a copy and check it out!

the farmers' market

Today, a trip to Olympia's Farmers' Market. Picture: A man with long blond hair plays the guitar, singing, as a man and his young daughter look on - she dances and giggles. The rain has stopped for a few minutes as people sit eating clam chowder, crab cakes, chicken on skewers. Apples, apples, and more apples. The last of the peaches and summer squash. Beautiful tomatoes, lettuce, carrots. A young woman sells gorgeous vases, frames, lamps that are made of clay (and I stop every time wanting to buy something but not yet ready to decide on a piece). A man who strains to hear any questions asked of him sells ostrich meat and hollow ostrich eggs. A booth with tie-dyed shirts for all, including baby pj's and bandanas for your dog. Dahlias and sunflowers everywhere. A grandmother sells wondrous jam (and yes, I tried some and then yes, I bought some). Handmade cards, copper bowls, soaps. The market vibrates with the exchange of ideas, laughter, goods.

I love the days when I just get in the car and go exploring. Working from home sometimes invites feeling of walls closing in and lonliness. So good to get out and breathe in the fresh pacific northwest air, duck in and out of the rain, and talk to people.

(photo: apples for sale, olympia farmers market, 9/30/05, canon digital rebel)